


Learn Forgiveness and Try to Forget

by kripkeisgod



Series: Remember Love [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Child Abuse, Implied Torture, M/M, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-04
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-03 01:39:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 56,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/375658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kripkeisgod/pseuds/kripkeisgod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been six months and Jared is trying to piece his life back together and move on. When Jared’s life is put in danger he is forced to trust the one man he never wanted to see again. Jensen. Can Jared ever learn to forgive the man who betrayed him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my first fic Remember Love so if you haven’t read that this won’t make much sense.

_ “I said no, you’re not leaving me Jared. I won’t let you.” _

__

_ “You won’t let me? How you gonna stop me?” _

__

_ “I’ll do what ever it takes. You’re mine Jared! You’ve always been mine and you always will be mine!” _

__

_ Jared advanced on Jensen. He forced Jensen against the wall, pressing the knife against his neck. There was a moment of complete stillness before Jared smashed their mouths together in a brutal kiss that spoke of anger and hatred. The force of the kiss pressed the knife against Jensen’s flesh harder, causing it to break the skin. Jensen felt the small trickle of blood from the wound trickle down his neck. _

_ The kiss ended just as abruptly as it had started. Jared was still pressed against him as he whispered: _

__

_ “I was never yours.” _

__

__

Six months.

It had been six months since Jared had left him.

Six months of searching.

Six months of waiting, hoping and now he had finally found him.

See contrary to popular, and more importantly Jared’s, belief Jensen was not crazy. True his actions may have been . . . excessive but that didn’t mean he was incapable of rational thought. Jensen’s only ground for insanity was that he fell in love. He fell in love with the most beautiful, kind-hearted man he’d ever known and after his first epic failure at starting a relationship with Jared, his crippling fear of rejection from the amazing man was his constant companion. In truth it was that fear that kept him in the shadows away from Jared, close enough to watch his love and experience his life but never close enough. He was left alone to see Jared love men that weren’t him, lead a life that did not on Jared’s part or knowledge have him in it. So it was understandable that eventually seeing the man he loved more than his own life and never once being acknowledged became too much to bare. If the things he did could be considered crazy then it’s only because a lifetime of pining makes a man do crazy things.

As much as Jared would certainly deny it he couldn’t possibly hate Jensen completely, if he did then why hadn’t Jensen received any unwelcome visits from the police? In all honesty Jensen wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the first place Jared ended up after he left that night. Clearly that’s not what happened though. The complete lack of any authority figures being sent to seek him out in all this time served as proof to Jensen that Jared hadn’t told anybody about his time with Jensen or what had happened between them. Jensen liked to think that this meant that on some subconscious level Jared was protecting Jensen and didn’t want to see him suffer the consequences of his failed attempt to show Jared his feelings. The thought, however tenuous gave Jensen hope. More than anything though Jensen was genuinely surprised by Jared’s apparent unwillingness to involve the law, he had been fully prepared to deal with the repercussions of the police becoming involved. Jensen had enough money and influence by now to be able to deal with that particular inconvenience and any others that may have stood in the way of his search for Jared. Obviously for whatever reason it wasn’t necessary, still it didn’t matter now because now after six long months Jensen had found his Jared. 

Jensen just wished the breakthrough could be as satisfying as it should have been. As it was Jensen was beginning to realize more and more that the victory was a hollow one. The reason his triumph was quelled filled him with a growing sense of dread and fear. How could he have been so stupid? He should have known! He should have known that something like this was going to happen eventually. You can’t go through life making the kind of decisions he did, the kind of sacrifices he did and never expect it to come back and bite you in the ass, life just didn’t work that way no matter how much simpler and smoother everything would be if it did. Jensen had been told more than once that karma was a bitch, but only now did Jensen appreciate just how true the statement was. As tempting as it was, he could not afford himself the luxury of drowning in his own pit of guilt. No, this was all happening because of him so it was up to him to fix it.

When Jensen said it had taken six months to find Jared, that by no means meant that it was six months leading up to this particular moment. No this wasn’t the first time recently that Jensen had found himself keeping watch over Jared’s new home, it was by now his most important ritual. It had been ever since he found –he wasn’t even worth the effort it would take to recognize his existence, but at the same time it was his existence that changed everything. Jensen had found him about two weeks ago, lurking outside Jared’s house obviously scoping the place. At least Jensen could take some comfort in how ridiculously easy he was to take down – fucking amateur – after that it only took around twenty minutes of intensive torture before the guy was spilling his guts (both metaphorically and physically – well Jensen wasn’t just going to let the guy go now was he?) what he had to say chilled Jensen at the bone at the same time it made his blood boil in rage. They had no right to do this, and Jensen was damn well going to stop them. Every night from then on Jensen had returned to Jared’s house, but now rather than merely trying to figure out how to approach Jared after everything, he had the much bigger concern of watching over him.

Jensen thought he had problems before when all he had to focus on was getting Jared to trust him again, they seemed petty now in comparison to what he – they faced.

The issues he faced with his and Jared’s shattered relationship had to take the backseat.

This was so much bigger than them.

Jared was in danger.

Jared could die.

It was all his fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than once since he’d moved into his new house he had felt as if he was being watched. Like there was someone there, just out of eyesight.
> 
> Waiting.
> 
>  
> 
> No. That was crazy wasn’t it? He was just being paranoid. He had a new home, new job and new life . . .

_The world seemed to move in slow-motion as gravity pulled Jared to the ground, the direction of his fall impaling him on the poker by the fireplace._

_The world began to blur into a haze of pain as Jared distantly felt Jensen gather him into his arms as he coughed up his own blood._

_His whole world was narrowed down to one thought._

_Oh God. I’m going to die._

Jared woke with a start. He instinctively brought a hand down to his side where the poker had pierced his flesh, his panic convincing him the warm sticky flow of blood from the wound would still be present. Only when his hand came back clean did he calm enough to will his rapid heartbeat to slow.

 

A dream.

 

It was just a dream.

 

It was over, he was safe.

 

Jared felt the sweat cooling on his skin as his breathing eventually evened out.

Falling back onto his pillow Jared let his eyes slip shut only to have them fly open seconds later with his alarm’s announcement that it was almost time for work. Letting out a groan Jared covered his face with his arm in an attempt to block out the alarm’s radio blaring the Kaiser Chief’s ‘Everyday I love you Less and Less’ at him but to no avail.

 

_‘Everyday I love you less and less,_

_It’s clear to see that you’ve become obsessed,_

_I’ve got to get this message to the press,_

_That everyday I love you less and less,’_

Jared allowed himself a bitter smile at the lyrics. Ricky Wilson knew nothing about obsession. Not like Jared did, Jared had witnessed it first-hand and it was fucking terrifying.

 

_‘I’ve got to get this feeling off my chest,_

_The Doctor says all I need’s pills and rest,_

_Since everyday I love you less and less.’_

 

Huh, funny that’s exactly what the doctor’s told him. Like everything he’d been through could be solved with a few sleeping pills. Like he didn’t get nightmares and flashbacks every time he closed his eyes. Like he wasn’t so fucked-up in the head now that half the time it felt like he was just waiting for the moment when he wakes up and realizes that he never got away at all, that he’s still there with . . . him. So yeah fucking fantastic medical advice there, sure the painkillers eased the discomfort but they couldn’t change what had happened. No amount of drugs could do that.

 

_‘Unless, unless,_

_I know, I feel it in my bones,_

_I’m sick, I’m tired of staying in control,_

_Oh yes, I feel a rat upon a wheel,_

_I’ve got to know what’s not and what is real,_

_Oh yes I’m stressed, I’m sorry I digressed,_

_Impressed you’re dressed to S – O - S . . .’_

Jared had heard enough, reaching over he turned the alarm off before dragging himself off the bed and towards the bathroom. Looking into the mirror he noted how haunted his eyes looked now, in all honesty he couldn’t even remember the last time he managed a smile – well one that wasn’t fake anyway. Sure he’d been happy to see his family again all those months ago but there was only so much fuss a grown man can put up with. That’s why he had to leave, he had to get away form everything. From his family’s constant concerned visits, his friends worried glances and Chad’s threats to kick his ass if he ever went that long without contacting them again. He had to get away from . . . Jensen. He had to go somewhere where it wouldn’t be easy to find him. He had to make a fresh start and try to forget . . . but it wasn’t that easy, nothing ever was.

 

Jared had no idea what made him keep quiet about Jensen. He hadn’t told a sole about the insane, obsessive man with the beautiful green eyes that had lied to him and kept him in luxurious captivity for nearly the entire time he was gone. He often wondered why he never told anyone, it would’ve been so easy to spill everything that first night when he arrived at the hospital but he hadn’t. Maybe it was because saying it out loud would make it real when to Jared it had felt like a terrifying dream. He would be expected to make sense of it somehow, but how could he explain to any one else something that he still didn’t understand himself.

 

Snapping himself out of his reverie Jared glanced at the clock and realized that he’d been lost in his thoughts for so long he no longer had time to grab a shower before work. Cursing himself for the lost time Jared removed his sleep shirt and turning to throw it to the side, caught the reflection of the scar he now sported in the mirror. Jared froze. Slowly he turned to fully face the mirror once more. He reached down to trace the line of pale, slightly raised flesh that ran up the side of his stomach. There was his solid proof that none of it had been a dream. No matter how hard he tried to move on, tried to forget he would always have his permanent physical reminder. The scar made certain he would never forget no matter how much he wanted to. He almost wished that he still had amnesia so that he wouldn’t know, wouldn’t have to deal with his memories of that night and the months before it everyday of his life. But he was all better now, he’d regained his memories and healed up perfectly. The only physical sign that anything had happened to him was that scar. The scar that wouldn’t let him forget. It’s symbolism mocked him, because of that scar he would always be tied to what happened – he would always be tied to Jensen and the thought frightened him more than he felt it should.

More than once since he’d moved into his new house he had felt as if he was being watched. Like there was someone there, just out of eyesight.

Waiting.

 

No. That was crazy wasn’t it? He was just being paranoid. He had a new home, new job and new life.

 

Jensen and everything that had happened was in his past.

 

It was over.

 

In all likelihood he would never even see Jensen again. He needed to stop scaring himself waiting for the monster at the end of the book and just move on.

 

Scoffing at his own paranoia Jared finished his morning ritual, changed and left for work refusing to acknowledge the part of him that screamed:

 

**_Bad Idea_ **


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was . . . eerie, being the only person left in the building. The feeling of being watched was back but he tried to ignore it. He really didn’t have time to focus on his paranoid suspicions right now. Forcing his concentration back where it was supposed to be he managed to get a whole – ten minutes of work done before he heard a noise. It was soft, almost unnoticeable but it made Jared . . . uneasy. It was only a moment later that he heard it again, louder this time and this time it definitely sounded like a footstep.

_ Six months ago. _

Fear had never felt so real before. Jared may have got away but that didn’t mean he was safe, not by a long shot. He had to get as far away from Jensen as possible, he had to keep on running – driving as fast as he could away from that psychopath. Jared felt the warm gush of blood flowing down his side as he sped down the road in Jensen’s car. Shit, he was losing a lot of blood. He had to get to a hospital, fast. 

Through the haze of panic Jared eventually ended up at a hospital, for the life of him he couldn’t remember how he had managed to navigate himself there, but it didn’t matter anyway. All that mattered was that he did get there. He could find somebody to help him now. Bursting through the doors clutching Jensen’s bloodied shirt to his wound he found himself an instant priority amongst the medical staff. 

Distantly he felt himself being lifted onto a gurney while someone tried to properly stem the blood flowing from his side. The doctors shouted orders around him and a couple may have even tried to ask him . . . something, but he couldn’t be sure. He felt so distant from his own body, his hearing was distorted so that he felt he was hearing everything underwater and it all felt so surreal – the relief and fear melding together like an impossible dream. He was safe now. It was over, and with that as his last thought he finally allowed the sweet pull of unconsciousness to claim him.

When he awoke it was to a bright white hospital room, he had a moment to reflect how familiar this whole scene appeared. He half expected Jensen to walk through the door to take him ‘home’ just like last time. No. Not this time. Jensen wasn’t here. He was safe. With great effort Jared managed to pull himself into a sitting position, instantly regretting the motion when he felt the intense pain in his side and the pull of his obviously new stitches. It was at that moment that the doctor entered the room, seeing Jared’s pained grimace he immediately rushed over to the bed and helped Jared to lie down again.

“Sir you need to lie down or you’ll break the stitches, not to mention cause yourself some serious discomfort.”

Jared simply nodded, too tired to attempt much else. The doctor’s posture visibly stiffened.

“I’m Dr Reynolds. If you’re feeling up to it I have a few questions I’d like to ask you.”

Again Jared nodded. He was starting to feel marginally uncomfortable with this doctors sudden ‘all business’ attitude and lack of bedside manner.

“O.k. we’ll start with something easy can you tell me your name? You were pretty out of it when you arrived and we couldn’t find any ID.”

“It’s Jared. Jared Ac-Padalecki. Jared Padalecki.”

Why did almost just say – _that._ That wasn’t his name. That wasn’t his life. It was all lies.

“O.k. Mr. Padalecki. You were in a very serious condition when you turned up last night. You lost a lot of blood but luckily no major organs were punctured and we were able to patch you up without any complications. We’ll keep you on morphine for the next few days while we monitor your condition, your recovery goes well then you should be out of here in a week or so. When you leave we’ll prescribe you some painkillers and something to help you sleep if the fits you were experiencing last night are still present. You will be left with a scar, there is nothing we can do to prevent that but all things considered you were very lucky. There’s just one more thing we need to cover before we can get back to aiding your recovery. After you were admitted last night . . . due to the condition you were in we were obliged to phone the police. They’ll be along to talk to you in a little while but I’ll ask you now so I know whether it’s necessary for them to be involved. Do you know what happened to you? Can you tell me how you sustained such a serious injury?”

Swallowing past his suddenly very dry throat Jared nodded. 

“I-I was attacked.”

“O.k. do you know who attacked you?”

This was his chance. He could spill everything, they’d go after Jensen. He’d be arrested and Jared would be able to sleep safe in the knowledge that Jensen wasn’t going to come after him. For some unknown reason though he just . . . couldn’t. He couldn’t force the words out. He couldn’t just tell them it was Jensen, and he had no idea why.

“I . . .didn’t get a good look. It was dark, I think they just wanted my wallet . . .”

“It’s o.k. I understand. I’ll leave you to rest now and send the officers in a little later.”

With that he left the room. It was obvious that Doctor Reynolds wasn’t entirely convinced, but the lie was out now and Jared wasn’t about to take it back. It was confusing how strongly Jared felt about it. Not once did he change his story, not to the police, not to his family or his friends, not to anyone. He kept the truth to himself, locked down where no one could ever get to it. He just wished he knew why.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ Now _

Jared shook himself out of his thoughts once more. He had to stop doing that. He’d been distracted all day thinking about the past and it had caused him to fall drastically behind on his work. 

Which is how he ended up here. Still at work nearly and hour after closing trying to catch up. He’d managed to get his boss to agree to let him stay and finish up on the condition that he locked the door when he left. Not exactly the ideal way to spend his night but he had to finish the work.

It was . . . eerie, being the only person left in the building. The feeling of being watched was back but he tried to ignore it. He really didn’t have time to focus on his paranoid suspicions right now. Forcing his concentration back where it was supposed to be he managed to get a whole – ten minutes of work done before he heard a noise. It was soft, almost unnoticeable but it made Jared . . . uneasy. It was only a moment later that he heard it again, louder this time and this time it definitely sounded like a footstep.

Jared looked around the room quickly before tentatively calling out.

“H-hello? Is there someone here?”

Silence.

He was losing it. Jared didn’t think his paranoia would get to the point of blatantly hearing things that weren’t there but apparently it just did.

Jared had just sat back down and put his head I his hands when he heard it.

The unmistakable click of a gun.

He slowly raised his head and looked up to see a – couldn’t of been more than thirty - man staring down him. The first thing that struck Jared about the man (besides of course the Smith & Wesson Revolver he was aiming at Jared’s skull) was the look of pure hatred on the man’s fairly handsome face. The man gave some kind of silent signal and it was only then that Jared realized there was more than one. He was being surrounded by at least ten men all with guns and giving off ‘fuck with us and you’re dead before you hit the ground’ vibes in buckets.

Jared tried to will himself to remain calm and deal with . . . whatever the hell this was.

“Can I help you?”

Wrong thing to say if the menacing step forward what Jared assumed was the leader took, the gun in his hand never wavering.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on here but if you’re after money we don’t keep any on the premises . . .”

“This isn’t about money.”

The sudden harsh words left Jared momentarily stunned, after a moment he regained what little composure he had.

“O.k. then what is it about?”

The man’s face broke into a menacing smile before he simply said.

“Penance.”

The look in his eye clearly showed that this was it, he was going to pull the trigger and Jared was going to die.

It was at that exact moment that all the lights in the room went out at once leaving them in darkness.

Jared was petrified, he was trapped in a room with a group of men that wanted him dead and now he couldn’t even see where they were.

Through his terror Jared noticed that there was something – strange about this whole thing. I was then that he heard what sounded like . . . choking? It was like someone was choking on his own blood, the sound lasted all of five seconds before it was followed by a sickening thud. This was followed by the soft snick of a blade and more choking. It happened again and again, Jared counted at least five times.

All the while Jared was backing up, feeling his way to the door. He was confused. What the hell? What was happening? He couldn’t see a damn thing but he was starting to think that maybe that was a good thing.

He’d just hit the wall with his shoulder when suddenly there was someone behind him. A hand was clamped over his mouth and he was pulled back against a masculine body. Jared tried to struggle but the man was strong he merely shushed Jared and pulled him out of the room and into the dimly lit corridor.

It was only when Jared saw one of the men from before stumble straight past the door he’d just exited that he realized. This guy, whoever he was, was trying to help him. He’d just saved his life and at that knowledge Jared allowed himself to slightly relax. Only when the gunman was far into the room and away from the door did the man release him. Turning to face his rescuer Jared was stunned to see the familiar green eyes that haunted him staring back.

“Jensen?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared stepped back away from Jensen before letting out an incredulous laugh.
> 
>  
> 
> “Come with you. I’m not going anywhere with you, you fucking psycho!”
> 
>  
> 
> “Did you not listen to a word I just said? Keep your fucking voice down. They will hear you and they will find you, understand? Look I know this isn’t exactly an ideal situation for you but it’s the one you’re stuck in, there’s no changing that and right now you only have two options here. You can come with me, I’ll get us out here and away from those trigger-happy probable inbreeds. You’ll be safe. You’ll survive.”
> 
> Jared was about to protest but Jensen cut him off before he had the chance. “Or, you can stay here . . . with them, where I can guarantee you’ll be dead before the night’s out. . . You might wanna think fast because you have about . . . ten seconds until the rest of them stop tripping over the bodies long enough to figure out where the door is.”

“Jensen?”

 

Jensen flashed him a grin insanely charming as ever.

 

“Hey baby. Miss me?”

 

And that was it. Jared was officially pissed

 

“Did I miss you? You’re asking me if I missed you? How the fuck can you even ask me that?”

 

“O.k. I can see you’re still upset. Wow you can really hold a grudge huh?”

 

“Damn right I’m upset. Why did you come after me? After everything you did to me . . . What the hell are you doing here.”

 

“Last time I checked I was saving your life, no need to thank me.”

 

“Thank you? Well you’re still fucked in the head, good to see some things never change. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch you out.”

 

“Because it would be a hell of a lot more difficult for me to get us out of here with half my focus on my broken nose, and on the point of getting us out of here do you really think now is best time to be working through your anger issues?”

 

“You bastard! You ruined my life and now because you happen to turn up in time to save me from . . . whoever the fuck they were you expect me to what? Forgive and forget? Fuck you that’ll never happen!”

 

Jensen leaned in dangerously close before furiously whispering:

 

“That’s right Jared, keep raising your voice; I’m sure those guys in there with the hard-on for seeing a bullet in your brain would love to know exactly where you are.” Jensen let out a calming breath before continuing “Now are you gonna come with me or what?”

 

Jared stepped back away from Jensen before letting out an incredulous laugh.

 

“Come with you. I’m not going anywhere with you, you fucking psycho!”

 

“Did you not listen to a word I just said? Keep your fucking voice down. They will hear you and they will find you, understand? Look I know this isn’t exactly an ideal situation for you but it’s the one you’re stuck in, there’s no changing that and right now you only have two options here. You can come with me, I’ll get us out here and away from those trigger-happy probable inbreeds. You’ll be safe. You’ll survive.”

Jared was about to protest but Jensen cut him off before he had the chance. “Or, you can stay here . . . with them, where I can guarantee you’ll be dead before the night’s out. . . You might wanna think fast because you have about . . . ten seconds until the rest of them stop tripping over the bodies long enough to figure out where the door is.”

 

“You can’t seriously expect me to just trust you after everything.”

 

“I never said anything about trust. But think about it, really think about it. Me or them who’s the safer bet? The guy’s you’ve never met before but want you dead or the guy who you never wanted to see again but just saved you from . . . them?”

 

“I can’t just forget everything . . .”

 

“Six seconds.”

 

“Everything you did . . .”

 

“Five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . .”

 

“O.k.!”

 

“O.k. What?”

 

“O.k. I’ll come with you, just . . . get us out of here.”

 

“Good choice. Follow me.”

 

And God help him Jared did. What was he doing? This was the man who had lied to him, claimed to be his husband, told him his parents were dead and almost killed him and now he was willingly following him and believing what he said? Then he thought of those men. Those men that for whatever reason wanted him dead. Those men who were still in the building with him – well the ones who survived anyway – and well, thinking of that it’s not like Jared really ever had a choice. It was trust Jensen or die, and wasn’t that just the worst situation he could ever imagine being in.

 

Somewhere along the way while Jared was lost in his thoughts he realised that he had managed to lose Jensen. Where the fuck was he? It was like he’d just disappeared. What the hell? Jared didn’t have time to dwell on the sudden disappearance though because suddenly he felt a presence behind him, turning slowly he was faced with the man from before – the same look of absolute hatred burning in his eyes – and his gun once again pointed at Jared.

 

Jared opened his mouth to – what? Beg for his life? Tell him to go fuck himself? Honestly he wasn’t sure but it’s not like it mattered either way anyway because as no sooner had he opened his mouth then it happened. All of a sudden Jensen was there, like he’d just been waiting. Had he been there the whole time? Jensen moved with terrifying speed, stepping behind the gunman and swiftly breaking his neck in two. Jared was left frozen in place as he watched the now lifeless body of the man fall to the floor with a sickening thud.

 

Jared felt like he was going to throw up. He couldn’t believe the complete detachment Jensen had shown as he killed a man in cold blood. There was no emotion on his face it was like this was business as usual and that was a fucking scary thought.

 

He was ripped from his thoughts as Jensen touched his arm. Jumping slightly he looked up to meet Jensen’s now concerned eyes. It was so different from the cold emptiness that had been there just a moment ago. He shifted his expressions and emotions so quickly it was almost inhuman.

 

“Jared come on we have to move before the other’s come after him.”

 

Jared felt numb all he could do was nod and allow Jensen to take his arm and lead him quickly through the maze of corridors and out into the parking lot.

 

When they reached the open air Jensen began to lead Jared to his car. It took a moment for Jared to snap out of his daze long enough to realize what was happening. As soon as he did he pulled away and put as much distance between him and Jensen as possible.

 

“What the hell are you doing. I’m not getting in a car with you.”

 

“Jared you said you’d let me keep you safe, that’s what I’m trying to do. I have a safe-house a few miles from here I can take you there and keep you protected until I can deal with those assholes.”

 

“look I appreciate you helping me in there but if you honestly think that I’m going to get in a car with you and go to your safe-house you are even more bat-crazy than I thought you were.”

 

“Look Jared, do you really think this is gonna end tonight? Those guys meant business and they ain’t gonna stop until you’re dead. I’m begging you, come with me. Please. Let me keep you safe.”

 

Jared was unmoved by Jensen’s pleading eyes. The guy was a good actor, had to give him that, but Jared wasn’t buying it. He was just about to open his mouth to refuse when he heard the gunshot.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d managed to take five of assholes out before he reached Jared. Now as much as he wanted to kill every last one of these fuckers as slowly and painfully as possible, his main concern was getting Jared out of there in one piece. The rest of the blood-bath was gonna have to take the back seat . . . at least until Jared was out of harms way.

They’d been stalking the place all day. Waiting. Watching. Circling like sharks closing in on the scent of blood. But then, so had Jensen. They’d scanned the area, secured the exits and made certain that Jared would be left totally alone. Admittedly they were good, but he was better. These fuckers had no idea of the storm coming their way, its name? – Jensen Ackles. So Jensen had waited, watched them as they watched Jared, picking up on their strengths and more importantly, their weaknesses. Their defenses were . . . adequate he supposed but there was no way they were going to prove a match or even a challenge for Jensen . . . good to know.

 

Jensen had waited a full five minutes after they entered the building to go after Jared before he made his move. Getting past the guard-goon had been entirely too easy. He’d come up with some bullshit story about working for the company and needing to get back inside to pick up a jacket he’d left – pure fault probing, and bingo he found a huge one. The guy had pulled a gun on him before he even finished talking in an attempt to scare Jensen off – rookie move. Never show your cards too early – flaunting them like this guy did? Just asking for trouble, and who was Jensen to deny such a blatant request? Barely any effort was required on his part to grab the guys arm and twist the gun to his head; he even made the goon pull the trigger that sealed his own fate. Taken out by your own weapon, still in your hand? Ouch. Jensen was just grateful that these guys had taken the precaution of using silencers on their guns – wouldn’t want to alert the others to his little surprise visit now would he? Not when he still had so much to do.

 

Hacking the security systems and lights was another easy task – maybe he’d over-estimated these guys. Seriously what kind of amateur operation leaves one guy at the door and sends the rest after the very unarmed and unskilled prize? Jensen expected to have to face at least one of them in the security office . . . but, no – fucking morons, they just made Jensen’s job about a thousand times easier without even realizing it. If the rest of them had gone after Jared they suddenly became much easier targets. This was gonna be fun.

 

All that was left to do then was wait and let the bastards set their own trap. He watched as they closed in on Jared. He saw the fear in his baby’s eyes, the aggression and hatred in theirs. He saw it all. Oh, he was definitely going to enjoy making those fuckers choke on their own blood. He saw what seemed to be the leader make a move to pull the trigger. It was time. A matter of seconds was all it took for him to trip the lights and step out into the room. It gave him so much satisfaction to hear the pained chokes from each of the bastards in turn as he slit their throats with practiced precision, not caring where they fell so long as they were dead and away from his Jared. He only wished he could’ve seen the fear in their eyes as they realized the next breath they took would be their last – still, you can’t have everything. He’d managed to take five of assholes out before he reached Jared. Now as much as he wanted to kill every last one of these fuckers as slowly and painfully as possible, his main concern was getting Jared out of there in one piece. The rest of the blood-bath was gonna have to take the back seat . . . at least until Jared was out of harms way.

 

Seeing Jared up close again after so long was . . . there was no words to describe how incredible it was, but he couldn’t afford to let his own emotions slow him down and make him take his eye off the ball. This was too important. So he buried under his default mask of cocky and self-assured, that way he could be alert and ready for _when_ – not if – the rest of the hit squad came after them. Besides he had to make Jared see that trusting him was his best option, getting too heavy now would just scare him away – and straight into the path of a bullet. He was genuinely surprised that it had worked, that Jared had given in and let Jensen lead him to safety. After everything that happened between them he’d expected  . . . honestly, he wasn’t really sure what he’d expected, a fight? For Jared to just storm away from him unguarded and willing to offer himself up to _them_ rather than face Jensen? ( _That_ was something that didn’t even bare thinking about.) Well whatever it was that Jensen was expecting it didn’t happen, instead he got . . . reluctant compliance, which while it made his job one hell of a lot easier it was also all wrong for Jared’s personality. Where was his fire? Jared didn’t get mad very often but when he did it was always explosive and what Jensen did? That was plenty of reason to be faced with ‘pissed-as-hell’ Jared, so why wasn’t he? It was like some-part of Jared had admitted defeat. Like a little bit of Jared was dead inside now. It made Jensen feel physically sick to think that he may have been the cause of it. That he could have hurt and damaged his beautiful angel so badly . . . he was going to fix it. That much he was certain of, he was going to reignite his baby’s flame no matter how badly he got burned in the process.

Once he finally had Jared outside into the semi-safety of the open air (well, at that moment it was a hell of a lot safer than inside the building) Jensen had assumed his biggest problem would be the drive to the safe-house. He should’ve known that nothing ever worked exactly out as planned. Of course it would have to be at that moment when Jared would snap out of his self-induced daze and put on his time-wasting front of protest. Why couldn’t he understand that Jensen was only trying to help him? He was saving Jared! It would be so much safer with Jensen than on his own – left open to a repeat attack. He didn’t even have time to argue his point before he saw it – or more specifically – him. The gun man was standing on the upper level of the building they’d just exited holding a fucking sniper rifle out the window aimed directly for Jared’s head. Great, just fucking perfect! He’d killed over half of them, what does it take for these fuckers to just give up and admit defeat? He so didn’t have time for this shit, he was going to take care of the fuck-tard ASAP and get Jared to safety even if he had to tie him down in the back seat! Adopting his full ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude, Jensen grabbed Jared and pushed him down behind the car just as the shot pieced the air. Pulling Jared up Jensen opened the car door, pushed him inside and locked the door before moving to the trunk and pulling out his own sniper. Locked and loaded he aimed for the trigger-happy bastard. The guy tried to take a shot at him but missed by a mile – couldn’t aim for shit. Unluckily for him Jensen could, all it took was one clean shot to the head . . .

 

Bulls-eye.

 

It was lights out for Mr. Hench-man before he even had the chance to reload.

 

Jensen smiled to himself as he packed away his gun and got into the car beside Jared.

 

Turning to Jared Jensen put as much authority into his voice as he could muster as he said:

 

“Now do you see what you’re dealing with here? You want to face that alone and die? Thought not, so here’s what’s going to happen – we’re going to your apartment, pack up clothes and essentials and then I’m going to drive us to my safe house where we’ll wait this out o.k.?”

 

Although he’d asked a question Jensen’s tone left no room for argument.

 

Jared’s absent nod was a shallow victory but a victory non-the-less.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Shit! What the fuck happened tonight?”
> 
> “It was him wasn’t it? It had to be him. Oh big man’s gonna be so pissed . . .”
> 
> “Shut up! I think he’s here.”
> 
> “Damn right I am” came the intimidating reply from the man in the shadows.

Jared was numb. He didn't know what to call it, shock? Post traumatic stress syndrome? Did it even really fucking matter? He’d thought it was over, that he could get back to some kind of normality – what a frigging joke that was. Jensen had stormed back into his life guns blazing (literally) and there were a group of seriously scary guys out to kill him, the fact that the majority of that first assault were now dead was in no way comforting when the man who killed him was sitting right next to him with Jared’s life in his hands. Yeah he was the fucking poster boy for a normal life right now wasn’t he?

Jared barely even registered the drive back to his apartment; his mind was too lost in the complete absurdity of his situation. He was still waiting to wake up and discover that this was really was just some jacked-up dream like he kept hoping it was, unfortunately the dream was proving to be way too real.

Even standing in his own living room (and when the hell did he even get out of the car – he really was out of it) was a surreal experience, but then that probably had more to do with Jensen who was currently moving around from room to room packing up Jared’s clothes and utensils. The man was quick, no more than five minutes had passed before Jensen was ushering him out the door and towards his car holding two bags packed with Jared’s things – and then they were on the move again – to Jensen’s safe house, wherever that was. Besides, all things considered how safe could it be if Jensen was going to be there too? What the hell was he doing? He allowing himself to be lead around and be ‘protected’ by the man who had caused Jared’s last near death experience – and God how messed up was his life if he was figuring out his trust issues based on his past near death experiences (experiences! Multiple! What the hell?). Still even though staying with Jensen made him uneasy in more ways than he could mention the thought of being alone and unprotected when . . . they came back for him gripped him with terror. He wasn’t happy about it, not by any stretch of the imagination, but at the moment Jensen was his only option. He only hoped he lived long enough to regret it.

 

Mind set into grim resolution Jared leant his head back against the passenger seat’s headrest, closed his eyes and let the exhaustion and bone deep weariness he’d been feeling for far too long claim him.

 

When he awoke it was to Jensen gently shaking him to inform him they’d arrived at the safe house. Reluctantly Jared pulled himself out of the car into the cool morning air (how long had they been driving for?) and stretched his stiff and aching muscles. If Jared noticed Jensen staring at the exposed strip of skin at his waist as he did, he didn’t say anything.

 

The safe house as it turned out was more like a safe _mansion_. Seriously, it was fucking huge. He had known that Jensen was loaded but this? This was insane. Every inch of the interior was perfectly decorated giving it such an effortless sense of beauty it actually took Jared’s breath away. It was stunning but not in an excessively glamorous way. Jared figured that what appealed to him the most about this place was that despite the obvious expense of the place it was still gorgeously simple. It was . . . words weren’t enough, it was just . . . perfect. An unexpected flush of jealousy spread through him at the thought and the bitterness seeped into his mind unbidden. Jensen had everything he had this fucking palace, more money than he knew what do with – enough to buy and sell anyone he wanted – while Jared was left to struggle in a dead-end job and without even his dreams to keep him sane anymore, they’d all turned to nightmares long ago . . . all because of him. Jensen had single-handedly ruined Jared’s life and he had all of this while Jared had nothing, how is that fair?

 

Jared was abruptly pulled from his increasingly venomous thoughts by Jensen sneaking up behind him and grabbing his shoulder. Spinning around quickly Jared shrugged the hand off violently and yelled:

 

“What the fuck? Don’t do that!”

 

“Whoa, calm down. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to know what you think of the place. Nice huh?”

 

“Yeah, it’s beautiful . . . you trying to cover for something?”

 

“Well, like I said it’s a safe house so we’re totally protected by top of the line security systems, but just because this is the targeted’s last resort doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy being here.”

 

Jared could see what Jensen meant. Beneath the beauty of the place it was obvious that it was a fortress: steel shutters, security camera’s in every corner – big brother was definitely watching. He saw it just like he saw Jensen’s complete avoidance of what he was really saying.

 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it Jensen. I meant that it must be nice for you to be able to cover up the ugliness of your soul with expensive décor and pretty things. Throw enough money at something and it’ll go away huh? That’s what you think? How the world works for you? Deep down even you must know that’s total bullshit.”

 

“Jared . . .”

 

“No! Save it for someone who cares Jensen. Oh don’t look so surprised. What did you think was going to happen here? That I was just gonna fall into you arms because you saved me? Let me make something perfectly clear I am as closer to hating you than I have ever been before. Now I get that I have to stay here, if I want to survive I don’t have a choice, but that does not mean I have to make any effort with you because that’s just not gonna happen. So here’s what we’re gonna do, this place is huge so we can both move comfortably without getting in each other’s space. You stay the fuck out of my way until this whole thing blows over and I’ll stay out of yours, do I make myself clear? Great. I’m gonna take a shower, if you need me, go fuck yourself.”

 

With that Jared stormed past Jensen never once looking back at the hurt but collected man behind him.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Back at Jared’s office the three remaining men awaited their leader.

 

“Shit! What the fuck happened tonight?”

 

“It was him wasn’t it? It had to be him. Oh big man’s gonna be so pissed . . .”

 

“Shut up! I think he’s here.”

 

“Damn right I am” came the intimidating reply from the man in the shadows. “And you’re also damn right I’m pissed. So . . . anyone wanna explain to me why you set up this little mission without my say-so?”

 

“We didn’t think we needed permission.”

 

“Well you thought wrong. I came to you with this little offer therefore you go by rules, got it? Don’t even bother answering that you stupid fucks, just tell me what the hell tonight had to do with your goal?”

 

“It seemed the best way . . . “

 

“What is our goal?”

 

“Bring down Ackles.”

 

“Exactly, so I’ll ask you again what the fuck was tonight all about?”

 

“We took the information you gave us, the guy we were after tonight is Ackles’s little boy-toy obsession. Killing him would have gotten to Ackles hard and fast.”

 

“Jared Padalecki? That’s who you were after?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You stupid fuck! This is exactly why you listen to my orders! You didn’t think that Ackles would be tailing him? It never occurred to you that going after Padalecki is like poking a homicidal bear with stick?”

 

“We thought it’d work.”

 

“Tell me, how many men did you send in tonight? A dozen? How many are left standing right now? Oh right, three! Ackles is dangerous! You stand any chance of killing him before he gets to you – and he will be coming after the rest of you sorry sons of bitches – then you gotta be smart! What you did tonight was not smart! . . . Where’s Jared?”

 

“Ackles took him sir.”

 

“WHAT? That fucking psycho has my . . . I’m giving you one last chance, fuck this up and I’ll kill you myself got it? Find them, kill Ackles and bring Jared to me unharmed or I swear to God I will kill you all as slowly and painfully as possible understand? Make it happen!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Protect me? You’re one of the people I need protection from!”
> 
>  
> 
> “Don’t say that . . .”
> 
>  
> 
> ‘Why not? Why shouldn’t I say it, huh? You ruined my life, tried to rape me, nearly killed me – and that’s just for starters. You murder everything that’s good, destroy every bit of light – you’re a monster and I will never be o.k. with your company Jensen, never. The only reason I’m here now is . . . well, I guess you could call it a case of better-the-devil-you-know . . . and when this is over I never want to see you again, you understand? Nothing’s changed between us.”

Four weeks. Four fucking weeks. A whole goddamn month. That’s how long Jared had been in this lavish hell-hole. The worst part about the whole thing is that Jared really wouldn’t have minded – hell he might have even enjoyed his time here if it wasn’t for one key factor. Jensen, but then that was hardly surprising was it? It’s become quite the pattern by now that whenever something in his life goes spectacularly wrong that Jensen is somehow involved. What exactly gave him the impression that this time would be any different in the first place? His little speech that fist night? Yeah, like that was actually gonna throw Glenn-Close-with-a-penis off. Thinking back on the last few weeks - and the anger and frustration that’s been building inside him since day one until he was about ready to explode – the point had been reached where as far as Jared was concerned is life at the moment could just fuck-off and die, preferably along with Jensen. And no, in light of his current situation he really didn’t feel he was being overly-melodramatic at all.

 

Jensen had laid down the ground-rules early-on. For one he was under no-circumstances allowed to go back to his job – which actually worked-out o.k. considering mere hours after his ‘rescue’ the building had mysteriously gone up in flames, erasing not only all traces of evidence from the nights events but the entire company’s database too. Slightly disconcerting considering he knew for a fact the fire was nothing to do with Jensen – but still, it makes the whole no-work thing a hell of a lot easier if you no-longer have a job to quit huh?

Next on the list was he had to tell his landlord that he was going away for awhile but his rent would be kept up-to-date for his return – whenever that may be. That proved to be simple enough – Mr. Morgan didn’t give a shit what Jared did so long as he paid every month, and Jensen was taking care of that so at least he’d still have somewhere to live once this was all over.

Last but-by-no-means-least was the not-so-small matter of his friends and family – after what had happened last-time he understood that frequent contact with them was a must, and shockingly-enough Jensen allowed it. Jared was sure it was more to cover his own tail than anything else, (after-all if Jared suddenly just dropped off the face-of-the-Earth again there’d be questions, and worried inquiries – things Jensen obviously wished to avoid while keeping Jared locked-up away from semi-professional assassins) but Jensen allowed Jared to phone his family and friends daily – under the condition that Jensen monitored the line for bugs and tracking devices while he did. As pissed at Jensen and this whole situation as Jared was he believes in credit where credit’s due – Jensen always demonstrated a surprising level of respect for Jared’s privacy during these times – obviously he still had to monitor the lines but he never directly listened in to Jared’s phone-calls – for that at least, Jared was grateful.

 

It wasn’t the ground-rules/provisos – whatever Jensen called them - that got to Jared. He could understand the need for them, really he could, they didn’t bother him. No, what bothered him was the fact that Jensen would not leave him the fuck alone. Jared had said that he wanted Jensen to leave him alone and stay out of his way and he damn-well meant it, but apparently Jensen couldn’t take the fucking hint if the way he was constantly in Jared’s space was anything to go by. It was so damn hard to pretend that he wasn’t living this nightmare with Jensen when he was right there all the time trying to ‘help’ him (if that meant helping him find more reasons to attempt to kill Jensen, then it was definitely working), the cameras in every room didn’t help either – it had gotten to the point where Jared was paranoid about taking a damn piss in case Jensen was watching with that same creepy-as-hell stoic look on his face that he got whenever he looked at Jared. Nothing was helped by the fact that Jensen was doing it again right now – all Jared had wanted was a drink but even that was apparently too much for him to handle by himself, so here Jensen was in his face . . . again, and that was fucking it. Jared was gonna put a stop this and damn-well stop it now.

 

“What the fuck Jensen? Just back-off!”

 

“Jared? What’s got into you?”

 

“What’s got into me? I’ve had enough Jensen that’s what’s got into me! I want you to back-the-fuck-off and stop treating me like a child who can’t do anything for himself! I told you that first night to leave me alone and now I’m telling you again just stay out of my way!”

 

Jared moved to walk past Jensen but Jensen caught his arm halting his progress.

 

“Jared . . .”

 

“What, did I stutter or something? What part of ‘stay out of my way’ are you not getting? Get the fucking message!”

 

“Jared please hear me out.”

 

“No! I’m not listening to anything you have to say to me so just take your hands off me and fuck off!”

 

“I’m just trying to protect you! Why are you being so difficult?”

 

“Protect me? You’re one of the people I need protection from!”

 

“Don’t say that . . .”

 

‘Why not? Why shouldn’t I say it, huh? You ruined my life, tried to rape me, nearly killed me – and that’s just for starters. You murder everything that’s good, destroy every bit of light – you’re a monster and I will never be o.k. with your company Jensen, never. The only reason I’m here now is . . . well, I guess you could call it a case of better-the-devil-you-know . . . and when this is over I never want to see you again, you understand? Nothing’s changed between us.”

 

Jared commended himself for being able to harden himself against the absolute devastation written across Jensen’s features. Jensen took a deep breath before answering, the crushed look in his eyes evolving into one of resolution and anger.

 

“O.k. You’ve said your piece, now it’s only fair that I get mine. Let me ask you a question Jared, Have I ever threatened you with a gun? Have I ever swindled you out of your life-savings? Have I ever given you reason to believe that you are anything less than safe while you’ve been here with me? Well? Have I?”

 

“How can I feel safe with you?”

 

“What you wish to believe about me is your own choice, I’ve never threatened you, hit you or given you any other reason to fear for your well-being while you’ve been under my protection – so maybe you wanna bear that in mind before you start implying that I am anything like all those other bastards that have.”

 

“You think that excuses all the ways you hurt me before?”

 

“No. Nothing can excuse what I did. I hurt you and I know that no matter what I do I’ll never be able to really make amends for that but I can prove to you that I’ll never do it again. You’re safe with me Jared and the sooner you start believing that, the easier this whole situation will be.”

 

“Jensen what you did to me was pure evil, you are pure evil. No matter what anyone else may have done to me you will always be my worst memory. Do you really think that I can just learn to trust you so easily after everything?”

 

“I don’t understand why you keep fighting me at every corner, yes I may have pushed for you to come here – I needed to keep you safe, but the decision was always yours. You could’ve said no. I never held a gun to you!”

 

“No just a knife! You remember that huh Jensen? The last time I tried to leave and pulled a knife on me!”

 

“I was scared! I was fucking terrified that I was gonna lose you!”

 

“You can’t lose what you never had Jensen and you never had me!”

Gripping Jared’s arm tighter Jensen pulled Jared towards him and furiously growled:

 

“Don’t say that!”

 

“Or what Jensen, what’re you gonna do?”

 

Rather than the angry reaction Jared was expecting, Jensen’s eyes went soft and pleading. H released his death-grip on Jared’s arm causing him to stumble slightly. Jensen’s tone was calm and tender as he said:

 

“I’m not gonna do anything to you Jay, I just wish you’d realize that I’m not the monster you think I am . . . I . . .”

 

Jensen stopped as his eyes flicked to the security camera monitors. His brow furrowed as he looked closer. Jared saw Jensen’s guard go up instantly; the calculated expression on his face was one Jared was all too familiar with. He’d seen it that night at the office – as Jensen broke a man’s neck in two. This was not good.

 

“Jared get in the panic room.”

 

The tone was clear, it was an order given in Jensen’s best don’t-fuck-with-me voice and the implications terrified him. This was so, so bad.

 

“Wha- Jensen, what’s going on?”

 

Jensen’s eyes snapped to Jared then – hard and commanding like a soldier about to undertake a mission.

 

“That wasn’t a request Jared, get in the panic room or I will carry you there. NOW!”

 

Still confused and shocked Jared could do nothing but turn and begin to make his way towards the secure room at the back of the house, Jensen hot on his heels.

 

Once there Jensen told him to stay quiet and he would come get Jared once he was sure it was safe. With that Jensen locked Jared inside the room and left to deal with – whatever the fuck he’d seen on that monitor.

 

Jensen was going out there to protect him, risking himself for Jared. Jared had just behaved like a complete ass and Jensen’s first instinct was to protect him and keep him safe. Was –was it possible that he’d misjudged Jensen’s intentions? Maybe he wasn’t in any real danger with Jensen. Maybe Jensen did care about him in his own demented way. Jared sat and allowed the guilt to overtake him along with a whole new emotion – fear, but not fear for him, fear for Jensen – and he just didn’t know how to deal with that. All he could do was wait for when Jensen returned. If Jensen returned.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man let out a pained howl and dropped the knife to the ground. Jensen turned, still gripping the man’s arm and kicked the attacker’s leg out from under him with enough force to break it. With another shout of agony the man fell to the floor clutching his injured limbs and curling into a ball on the hard ground. Bending to pick up the discarded knife Jensen loomed over the man before stating:
> 
>  
> 
> “Never bring a knife to a gun fight unless you know how to use it to your advantage.”
> 
>  
> 
> With that Jensen stuck the knife deep into the ground beside the man’s head.

Well, Jensen’s little plan had backfired spectacularly. He had thought – well hoped anyway – that given a little time Jared would adjust and become accustomed to Jensen being around. Naturally for that to happen Jensen’s continued presence was required to help his angel move past his . . . hostility issues. It seemed like such a good idea in his head but in practice – not so much. All he had wanted to do was progress his relationship with Jared enough to ease the tension evident in the house ever since their ‘talk’ that first night, unfortunately his head didn’t take into account the fact that all of Jared’s hostility was focused on him so forcing Jared to face the object of his anger at every turn was never going to do anything except piss him off even more – and if Jared’s little outburst in the kitchen just now was anything to go by, that’s exactly what had happened.

 

Jensen would be lying if he said that Jared’s words hadn’t hurt, because honestly? They stung like a bitch – it was pretty much the emotional equivalent of pouring salt onto an open and infected wound (which Jensen personally knows really fucking hurts). Jared had called him a ‘monster’ – said that he was ‘evil’ – if it’d been anyone else Jensen would’ve just told them to go fuck themselves, he’d heard it all before, but . . . hearing it from his baby-boy? He’d never felt pain like it. He almost wished Jared had just hit him – at least physical wounds were easier to deal with. Try as he may he just couldn’t seem to make Jared believe that he wasn’t some evil demon out to destroy him.

 

Still, what did he expect? For Jared to just agree truce after everything Jensen had done? Yeah, and maybe after all this was over and they were out of danger they could ride to Candy Mountain on the back of a fucking silver unicorn – after all, the odds of either happening were about the same.

 

Jensen wasn’t delusional – he never expected Jared to just fall into his arms after everything – he knew that was never going to happen, but . . . damn it, he just isn’t ready to give up the fight yet – he honestly doesn’t think he ever will be ready – not when it comes to Jared. Maybe Jensen’s just a hopeless romantic, but he still wants to believe that they’ll eventually end up together. He isn’t crazy – there is a real, tangible connection between them – a spark that isn’t just some Disney-fyed fantasy on his part, he could fell it and he knew that deep down, on some level Jared felt it too, even if he wasn’t ready to admit it yet, even to himself. They had so much potential between them and maybe once Jared finally stopped believing that Jensen was hiding the devil’s number under his hairline, they could have their happily ever after – he still believed they could. This was just a rough-patch – His boy was angry, confused and hurting, and as much as Jared’s words hurt him off their own merit – it was the pain and fear he could hear behind them that really stung. His baby was hurting, and it was all his fault – the knowledge was worse than any torture Jensen could imagine (and he was pretty creative when it came to inflicting pain).

 

No matter what his baby wanted to believe Jensen still loved Jared. Of course he did. Jared was his whole world and he couldn’t just switch those feelings off – even if Jared would be so much safer if he could. Say what you like about Jensen, he wasn’t stupid – he knew they were after him, even before he’d tortured information out of that first mook, he’d known. The way he lived, the things he’d done, of course he’d pissed a few people off – but now his love was paying the price and that was just not acceptable. Jared had become target number one because of him – it was his fault, all of it was his fault and he was damned if he was going to let Jared suffer the consequences of Jensen’s actions. He didn’t care how long it took; these fuckers were going down – every last one. See Jensen’s not exactly big on showing mercy to those who cross him – bring Jared into the equation and Jensen officially lost all pretense of playing nice, so when he spotted the monitor it was almost like a gift. It was only the briefest of movements at the very corner of the screen, but it was enough for Jensen to know there was someone there – hiding, waiting, and as soon as he had Jared locked up safe in the panic room, it was time to play.

 

Tucking his favorite gun into the back of his pants as he walked to the door, Jensen couldn’t help feeling that whatever was waiting for him out there was just the calm before the storm.

 

At first glance there didn’t appear to be anything out of the ordinary outside the safe house grounds, but Jensen knew better than most that appearances can be deceiving.

 

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

 

Another check revealed the same lack of activity as the first. Jensen had just begun to walk the perimeter when he was jumped from behind. Such a stupid move, a quick reversal was all it took before the asshole was flat on his back in front of Jensen, stepping up to the assailant he narrowly managed to dodge out of the way of a bullet. Jensen drop-rolled behind the nearest tree and took out his own gun lightning quick before attempting to locate the direction the bullet had come from. In the rush to prevent his own head from being blown off Jensen had managed to lose the first mook. Shit. Jensen scanned the area, eyes and ears on red-alert for any sign of movement. Another bullet, another roll to dodge it. Righting himself Jensen eyes flicked in every direction in succession before he heard it. Far off to the trees in the west a branch snapped. Gotcha. Keeping his eyes trained on the spot he lifted his gun and fired off two rounds, smirking at the pained yelp that he heard in response. Moving toward the direction of the now injured attacker Jensen narrowly avoided being hit by yet another bullet. Turning quickly Jensen opened fire at the gunman stood a few feet away from him – hitting the asshole in the leg and again straight through the skull, killing him instantly. The fucker hadn’t even hit the ground before Jensen was being attacked from behind – his attacker managing to slash Jensen across the chest with the hunting knife he brandished. Rather than allowing the feel of his own blood running down his cheat to faze him Jensen embraced the burning pain, using it to enhance his focus as he turned grabbing the arm holding the knife and increasing the pressure until he heard the satisfying sound of the bone snapping. The man let out a pained howl and dropped the knife to the ground. Jensen turned, still gripping the man’s arm and kicked the attacker’s leg out from under him with enough force to break it. With another shout of agony the man fell to the floor clutching his injured limbs and curling into a ball on the hard ground. Bending to pick up the discarded knife Jensen loomed over the man before stating:

 

“Never bring a knife to a gun fight unless you know how to use it to your advantage.”

 

With that Jensen stuck the knife deep into the ground beside the man’s head.

 

He was so occupied with his task that Jensen never noticed the third man in the trees – the one he’d shot earlier – limping back through the woods and back to the car sent by their leader.

 

Jensen leaned in close and grabbed the man’s head forcing him to look at Jensen.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“C-Clive.”

 

“Well Clive, you know what’s gonna happen now? You’re gonna co-operate and tell me what I want to know and then we’ll see if I’m feeling generous enough to let you live.”

 

“Y-you don’t scare me you s-sadistic f-fuck.”

 

Jensen grabbed Clive’s broken wrist and pressed down hard on the fracture causing Clive to moan in pain.

 

“You sure about that Clive? Because if you’re not you should be. Now, tell me who sent you.”

 

“F-fuck you!”

 

“Wrong answer.”

 

Jensen reached back for his gun placed it to Clive’s shoulder and fired once, the bullet piercing straight through Clive’s flesh leaving him to scream in agony as blood began to pour from the wound. The satisfied smile fell from Jensen’s lips as quickly as it came when Clive began to laugh.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“L-look at you. So badass. Jensen Ackles – professional business man by day, murdering psychopath by night and for what? T-that tall piece of ass you’ve been tripping over yourself for practically your whole life? You like to play the big-man . . . the menacing, unrelenting killer – but the truth is . . . you’re weak. Your obsession with him makes you weak . . .  t-that’s why we went after him and it’s why you’re gonna die with a bullet between your eyes . . .”

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

 

“T-think about everything you’ve done for him. Everything you’ve sacrificed. The people you-you’ve killed. You tried so hard t-to protect him didn’t you? K-keep him safe? A-away from anyone who’d h-hurt him, use him or . . . con him. One got past you though didn’t he? How’s it feel knowing you failed him so spectacularly? You drew that one out when you caught up to him didn’t you? Y-you thought it was over – that Jared was safe and it was over? You could move on and forget about it? E-except things never quite work out according to plan do they A-Ackles? J-just because you k-kill something, doesn’t mean it can’t come back to haunt you . . . oh, and big-man? The one who brought us to you? He’s gunning for you in a big-way. K-kill me if you want but he’s coming for you and he’s gonna kill you . . . T-there’s no way out this time Ackles . . . it’s over . . . you’re over . . .”

 

Those were Clive’s last words before Jensen stood and put a bullet through his brain.

 

Jensen let training take over as he disposed of the bodies quickly and efficiently – all that was going through his head the whole time was the same mantra:

 

_Oh shit._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So let me get this straight – you failed? Again?”
> 
>  
> 
> “Well yes but A-Ackles is good – I’ve never seen anyone move that fast before and . . .”
> 
>  
> 
> “STOP! I don’t wanna hear your excuses – I gave you instructions, you were unable to follow them, you failed.”

Jared was going out of his mind with worry. Jensen had been gone for twenty minutes now and Jared was starting to think of all the things that could have happened to prevent him from coming back. He wanted to know what was happening, why Jensen was taking so long, whether he was o.k., if he could . . . help he supposed. He couldn’t though – not while he was locked away in the panic room. There was nothing he could do but wait. So he waited. He waited and tried not to let his panic consume him.

 

In the end he waited another thirty minutes before he finally heard the locks to the panic room door being released.

 

Jared all but leapt up, anxious to know what had gone down while he had been in confinement. Rushing over and yanking the door open he let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was actually Jensen on the other side, regardless of Jared’s feelings towards the man and his actions, he would never wish to see him dead or seriously injured – he wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Besides the matter of Jared’s feelings towards Jensen had somehow become . . . unexpectedly complicated. Not more than an hour ago Jared had wanted nothing to do with the man and wanted nothing more than the chance to never see him again . . . now? He wasn’t so sure – before he had been certain that Jensen’s fascination with him had been entirely temporary and that with Jensen’s track record, as soon as the obsession faded he may well find himself in serious danger . . .  but it was starting to look like he may have been wrong – after all Jensen had risked himself by going out there all in the name of keeping Jared safe, and it wasn’t the first time Jensen had done something like this . . . what if he’d got it wrong? What if Jensen was just trying to help him – to . . . make amends for everything he’d done in the past? Jared wasn’t sure that could ever really happen, he was still pissed as hell at Jensen for what he’d done and he honestly didn’t think he’d ever be able to just forgive and forget – but he could at least stop being such a dick if all Jensen was doing was trying to keep him safe. Despite everything Jared genuinely felt guilty for the way he’d been acting the past few weeks when Jensen had been nothing but helpful – don’t get him wrong, once this whole thing was over he fully intended to move on and never see Jensen again . . . but, until then, he could at least try to co-operate with the man who was trying to save his life – which meant he needed to talk to Jensen.

 

With that in mind Jared shook himself from his musings and followed the path Jensen had taken to the front room moments ago . . . without saying a word, wait, Jensen hadn’t even spoken to him since letting him out of the panic room which was . . . unusual in itself – Jensen was usually never without something to say when it came to Jared, thinking back to when Jared had first seen Jensen standing outside the panic room door he recalled that Jensen’s expression was off too – his eyes seemed . . . troubled, haunted even. What the hell had happened that had made Jensen look like that? Well, whatever it was Jared was damn-well going to find out.

 

Finally reaching his destination, Jared stopped in the doorway and took a moment to study the tense lines of Jensen’s back – trying to gauge what Jensen’s reaction to being disturbed would be. After a moment Jared figured that even with whatever was on Jensen’s mind he was probably expecting to be questioned by Jared anyway so why disappoint?

 

“Jensen?”

 

Jensen’s shoulder’s seemed to tense further at the sound but he didn’t turn around.

 

“Do you need something Jared?”

 

‘I-I just thought maybe we could . . . talk?”

 

“Sure, what about?”

 

The words seemed to be breathed out on a troubled sigh as Jensen finally turned to face him.

 

“Well, I – Oh my god! Jensen what happened?”

 

 Jared’s eyes were fixed in horror to the dark blood stain on Jensen’s shirt that was gradually spreading as more blood spilled from the wound on his chest. At Jared’s outburst Jensen looked down at himself, seeming almost surprised by the existence of the cut as though he’d forgotten it was there.

 

“Oh, right – that. It’s nothing, I’ll be fine . . .”

 

“Nothing? Jensen you’re bleeding – sit down and take off your shirt while I get the med-kit.”

 

“Jared really there’s no need . . . I’m fine – this isn’t exactly the first time something like this has happened to me . . .”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry; you seem to be under the impression that, that was optional . . . it wasn’t.”

 

“Jared it’s not that bad – really I’m . . .”

 

“Say you’re fine one more time and I swear I’ll kick your ass. Trust me when I say that isn’t a threat, it’s a promise – now sit!”

 

Jared’s tone left no room for argument and for once Jensen immediately complied – sitting on the plush couch and removing his blood soaked shirt, he bunched up the material and pressed it against the angry wound marring his otherwise flawless skin. Jared retrieved the medical supplies needed as quickly as possible and hurried to Jensen’s side. Once there Jared pulled the shirt away from Jensen and began the task of cleaning the wound, frowning when he realized just how deep the cut was.

 

“You’re a stupid ass you know that? What were you thinking going out there alone? You knew it could be dangerous.”

 

“I did what I had to . . .”

 

“Yeah, and look where it got you.”

 

“Still a hell of a lot better off than the other’s.”

 

Jared fought back the glare that wanted to take over his features at that last comment – he wasn’t stupid, he knew that in all likelihood whoever had attacked Jensen was dead now, but now wasn’t the time to voice his feelings on Jensen’s actions – he could do that later, when he knew for certain that Jensen was o.k.

 

“Even so, you’re not as invincible as you like to think – this just goes to prove it.”

 

“Like I said, I’ve had worse.”

 

“It was still a stupid move.”

 

“I was protecting you and I’d do it again in an instant.”

 

“You’d seriously risk getting yourself killed for me?”

 

“Yes. I’d do anything for you Jared. I’d die for you in a heartbeat.”

 

Jared paused in the action of strapping a gaze bandage over the wound. The words caused an unexpected warmth to flood through him – what the hell that meant, Jared wasn’t ready to analyze yet. Instead he settled for brushing the feeling off.

 

“You make me sound so precious.” Jared laughed.

 

“You are. I just wish you could see that about yourself. I wish you could see yourself as I do.”

 

Jared had just finished wrapping Jensen’s wound. Jensen’s words caused him to still instantly. Looking up into Jensen’s eyes Jared saw nothing but warmth and – as much as he wanted to deny it – love. For a moment it was all too easy to get lost in those eyes and the emotions within them, they were beautiful.

It was then that Jared realized just how close they were and abruptly pulled away; breaking the spell Jensen’s words had created between them, but before he could move too far Jensen grabbed his arm holding him in place.

 

“Jared wait. You said you wanted to talk – so talk . . . please?”

 

Jared could do nothing but nod his assent as he numbly took the seat next to Jensen on the couch. Jensen was the first to break the silence.

 

“Wait, a minute _you_ want to talk . . . does . . . does this mean that you’re going to stop fighting me at every turn?” The hope in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by Jared.

 

“We’re both stuck here together and I’m still not happy about it but I guess this whole thing would be a hell of a lot easier if we actually talked rather than argued once in a while. So, we’ll call ceasefire and see how it goes?”

 

“Yeah, o.k. that’s great. That’s really . . . .so, what did you want to talk about?”

 

“Well, first off, I want you to tell me what happened out there – and don’t bullshit me Jensen, Whatever it was got to you. I saw how tense you were when I came in. Whatever it is concerns me just as much as you so just save yourself the trouble of missing out details and tell me everything.”

 

“Wow, even when we’re not arguing you’re still as fiery as ever – that’s probably one of my favorite things about you . . . O.k. look – if we’re going to be talking now then there has to be some kind of . . . policy I guess? Is that the right word?”

 

“Policy?” Jared couldn’t keep his amusement at the word under control.

 

“Shut up, you know what I mean. Rules. I don’t want to lie to you anymore Jared. I don’t want to hide anything. So, from now on if we’re gonna talk then we’re completely honest and no matter what gets said we don’t . . . get angry. We keep emotions under control no matter what o.k.? Because that’s the only way this is gonna work. Deal?”

 

“Deal, now are you gonna stop stalling and tell me what happened?”

 

“ . . . I was attacked – obviously, they were scoping the place. There was . . . two of them, I think – both seemed to have basic training in arms and combat – nothing too advanced. To cut a long story short I took the first one out no problem, the second, jumped me from behind – earning me this lovely war-wound. Him I tackled to the ground. I wanted information from him . . . and I definitely got it . . .”

 

“What do you mean? What did he say?”

 

“Jared I need to tell you . . .this whole situation, everything it’s all my fault. Their target is me – they want to kill you to get to me. It’s all because of what I did – The guy – he said . . . God if I hadn’t of . . .”

 

“Jensen! What are you talking about? What did he say?”

 

Taking a deep breath Jensen continued.

 

“It’s Mark, Jared. They’re his men.”

 

“Mark? You mean my Ex the one you . . .”

 

“Killed? Bingo. That lying scamming rat was part of a ring of fraudsters – his . . contacts. They helped him with his cons and have all managed to avoid detection by the police for years. I knew about them then, but ‘bottom-of-the-barrel’ criminals that they are I didn’t think much of them – wasn’t my concern . . .”

 

“But now they’re coming after you because you . . . killed Mark?”

 

“Pretty much, but that’s not the biggest problem. These guys – they’re lowlife’s but they’re not completely stupid. They’re operation is flimsy at best – they wouldn’t risk making themselves known to the police to come after me, not without insurance.”

 

“Insurance?”

 

“They must have some kind of in with the police. Someone watching over their mission who has enough authority to guarantee them protection from the law. Whoever it is, is probably running the whole show. Giving them their orders.”

 

“But don’t you have contacts in the police? Can’t you get their help?”

 

“Not without knowing who this guy is. My influence only goes so far, I have no way of knowing if his goes further – until I do, I can’t risk it.”

 

“So what do we do?”

 

“Honestly? I don’t think there’s anything we can do except wait for him to make his next move.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The man leant back in his chair as James (who he had sent on a specific mission with two others to kill Ackles and bring back Padalecki) related his story of how he got away from Jensen Ackles with only a bullet in his leg to show for it.

 

“So let me get this straight – you failed? Again?”

 

“Well yes but A-Ackles is good – I’ve never seen anyone move that fast before and . . .”

 

“STOP! I don’t wanna hear your excuses – I gave you instructions, you were unable to follow them, you failed.”

 

“I’m sorry sir.”

 

“Sorry isn’t good enough. Sorry doesn’t put a bullet through Ackles’s skull. Fuck this; you want something done you gotta do it yourself. I don’t want any loose ends, so I’m going to hunt down Ackles like the animal he is and kill him myself seeing as you don’t seem capable of dealing with one man between the three of you I sent. You – are fired. Now get the fuck outta my office.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

James turned to leave the office.

 

“Oh and James? One more thing.”

 

James turned back around as the man pulled out a gun and shot him straight through the skull, his body falling lifeless to the floor.

 

“Well, I did say no loose ends.”

 

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, I can't forget everything that's happened between us and I certainly can't forgive you . . . but I can try to move on. Jensen, whoever this guy that's coming after us is, he obviously knows what he's doing. If we're fighting, if we can't move on, can't communicate then he's going to use that against us and we can't afford to let that happen – so . . . it's far from healthy, but for now whatever issues that are between us we need to bury them because that's the only way we're going to survive this. Agreed?”

Patience, was not Jensen's forte. He was a man who liked to know all his options, every angle, so that he could make decisions quickly and efficiently. The only thing in his life he'd ever considered worth waiting for was Jared – well Jared and . . . but he wasn't going there – now was not the time to dwell on past . . . indiscretions. No Jensen didn't like to be made to wait at all, which is why his current situation was so fucking frustrating. He knew a grand total of absolutely nothing about the guy that had put a price on his head, which meant he had to tread carefully. God, he hated treading carefully! He didn't have a name, he didn't have a motive, he didn't have jack-squat - which all added up to Jensen having no choice but to wait it out until he had more information.  
Jensen may be impulsive and like to have things done on his terms but he was by no means stupid – he knew that striking blind was a bad idea. Clearly whoever was targeting him didn't have as much intelligence because whoever the fuck it was obviously didn't know just who they were dealing with – and Jensen was going to take great pleasure in reminding them that when you play with fire you get burned . . . but not yet, not until he was absolutely certain of what he was up against. So, until then, no matter how much he hated it, Jensen was going to wait, he was going to wait for mystery man's next move.  
  
Still, even if the sitting around like a helpless child was pissing him off to no end, Jensen couldn't deny that the situation did have some perks – namely the chance to fully enjoy his and Jared's recent cease-fire. Ever since the night of the attack communications between them had been a thousand times better. Rather than the deliberate avoidance, heated glares and snapped answers he received from Jared before, now they engaged in actual honest-to-god conversation when they saw each other, and Jensen could've sworn that at one point Jared had even smiled at him – not even a fake appeasing one either, a real, genuine, dimple smile! Logically he knew that this was all new territory and he shouldn't be reading too much into it, but he just couldn't help the small bloom of hope in his chest that seemed to be growing bigger each day Jared didn't close off or shut him out.  
  
Naturally thinking about Jared spurred the desire to see him, so Jensen set about tracking the man down, a surprisingly easy task despite the grand scale of the safe house.  
Even though Jensen had made his 'Mi Casa es Su Casa' attitude clear from the start Jared invariably limited his presence to only a few rooms of the house – even less before they called truce, back at the start of their . . . co-habitation Jared had rarely ventured out of his room for anything other than to eat ( and Jensen could now begrudgingly admit that pouncing on him whenever Jared left his room like an over-exited puppy and suffocating mother hen rolled into one did more harm to any chances of communication between them than good.)  
  
Jensen was so lost to his musing that he almost ended up colliding with Jared when he rounded the corner on his way to the man's bedroom. Stumbling backwards Jensen caught himself on the banister before he fell down an act he was profoundly grateful for when he took in Jared's half-dressed state. It looked as though Jared had just come from the shower, his hair was damp and he was wearing nothing but a pair of low-slung jeans. Jensen couldn't help it when his eyes instinctively flicked down to admire the expanse of golden flesh over firm muscle and if his eyes happened to linger on the way the water droplets clinging to Jared's torso made their slow descent down that tanned skin? Well he was only human, a mere mortal admiring the ethereal beauty of the Adonis that was Jared Padalecki. His hungry gaze fixated on and followed the path of one particular droplet as it dripped down from Jared's shoulder, taking it's time as it rolled down Jared's sinfully built pec and down lower over his perfect abs until it reached . . . Jensen froze. The water droplet had continued it's path keeping Jensen's avid attention the whole way until it reached it's final destination – pooling just below the raised, jagged, scar that Jared sported on his otherwise flawless skin. Jensen knew exactly where that scar had come from. He knew it was entirely his fault that Jared's flesh had been permanently marred. He saw flashes of that night – _Jared trying to get away – Jensen grabbing him to keep him – Jared falling – the poker piercing Jared's flesh – The blood, so much blood._ Oh God! He did that! He almost killed Jared! The only man he'd ever loved, it was all his fault! He felt sick. He tried to back away, only remembering that he had no where back up to when he came into full contact with the bannister behind him. He raised a hand to his mouth and breathed deep trying to prevent the bile that was threatening to rise. Somewhere during Jensen's panicked freak-out Jared had realized where Jensen's horrified gaze had landed and proceeded to try to calm Jensen enough to look up and listen to him. Jared moved towards Jensen, ignoring the rabbit caught in the headlight look that was all wrong on the man and grabbed his arms trying to shake him out of his stupor before the hyperventilation got any worse.  
  
“Jensen. JENSEN! Look at me. Hey, look at me man. You need to snap out of it o.k? Talk to me. Talk to me Jensen. JENSEN!”  
  
Distantly Jensen realized Jared was holding onto his arms trying to shake him back to reality, the man's fevered words finally penetrated Jensen's haze and he gradually turned glazed partially unseeing eyes towards Jared.”  
  
“Jared?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah Jensen, it's me.”  
  
“You're holding me.”  
  
“Good to see hear power's of observation haven't been impaired then.”  
  
“No, I mean why are you holding me?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“After what . . . What I did . . . What I did to you. . .”  
  
“And what exactly is it you think you did to me?”  
  
“I almost killed you . . .”  
  
“Almost being the operative word, I don't know whether you've notice but I'm still alive and kicking.”  
  
“I ruined your life.”  
  
“For a long time I thought that was true. I hated you for taking away my old life, but you know what I realized recently? My new life isn't – wasn't that different from my old one. I'm in contact with my friends and family, my job was the same field. It was basically same-old just in a new location and with a few flash-back nightmares thrown in, which in case you're wondering, yeah you do still shoulder the blame for that one.”  
  
“But even you're new life – I messed that up too – all of this. . .”  
  
“Isn't your fault. As much as I wish I could blame you for everything the truth is – I-I'm glad I'm here, because if I wasn't I'd be dead. I'm alive right now because of you, you saved me and despite anything that may have happened in the past or whatever my feelings towards you were I'll always be grateful for that.”  
  
“B-but your scar . . .”  
  
“You mean this thing?”  
  
Jared reached a hand down to tentatively touch at the raised flesh at his side, leaving Jensen to nod dumbly in answer.  
  
“Jensen, I'm not going to lie to you or try to sugar-coat this understand? Yes what happened to me was entirely your fault, every time I catch a glimpse of my scar or accidentally brush my hand against it, it's like I'm reliving that night all over again – and I can't get away from that, it'll always be there . . . but that's something I have to live with. Something _I_ have to deal with. Now, don't expect me to say I _forgive_ you, because I don't – I-I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to, but I don't want you to freak about it either. I'm trying to get over it, you should too.”  
  
“You really are the most amazing person I've ever met. How can you be so understanding about everything?”  
  
“I can't. I'm not. Look, I can't forget everything that's happened between us and I certainly can't forgive you . . . but I can try to move on. Jensen, whoever this guy that's coming after us is, he obviously knows what he's doing. If we're fighting, if we can't move on, can't communicate then he's going to use that against us and we can't afford to let that happen – so . . . it's far from healthy, but for now whatever issues that are between us we need to bury them because that's the only way we're going to survive this. Agreed?”  
  
“You are absolutely incredible you know that? I promise no more freak-outs, whoever this fucker is I'll be damned before I let him win.  
  
And just like that his game-face was back, there was no trace of the scared mess Jensen had been just moments ago. He was all business now and he intended to keep it that way, after all – if it was for Jared he could do anything.  
  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
  
The man smiled as he watched the scene fold out on the screen before him. So all that tough-guy bravado Ackles flaunts really was just an act after all? Good to know.  
  
It's pathetic really how much he clings to Jared's every word, still so convinced their happily-ever-after's just around the corner. It was time Ackles woke up and smelled reality, fairy-tale endings don't exist or at least not for Ackles, not once he was through with him.  
  
The man smirked, this was going to be so easy it was almost laughable. He wasn't going to let it go to his head though – no, that's how mistakes are made and he was not going to fail – not this time – not with . . . him. He needed a diversion, not anyone he'd have to rely on, not after what had happened with the con-men – it was too risky. No he needed an easy mark, some one disposable, bait.  
  
It'd be easy enough to organize, he'd already hacked into the security systems at Ackles' safe-house, watching the live feed from the camera's around the place had been very helpful – now he knew exactly what to do. He'd disable the security, an easy task witch wouldn't take to long – send in the bait, someone that Ackles wouldn't be able to resist killing slowly and Jared? Sweet, high-moral-ed Jared would naturally try to stop him, but Ackles wont listen – men like him never do. Jared will never forgive him. Whatever bond they may have been forming will blow up right in Ackles' face. Ackles'll lose the love of his life before he'd even had the chance to get him. That's when he'll make his move. Only then will it be over.  
  
It's time to cut the bullshit.  
  
The game ends here.  
  
And little pig isn't even gonna see it coming when the big bad wolf swoops in and huffs and puffs and blows his life down.  
  
TBC . . .

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later as Jared curled up with his head on Jensen's chest he was hit with an overwhelming sense of belonging and a strange certainty that it wasn't going to last.
> 
> Something was waiting round the corner and it was ready to strike.

Jared was scared, now more than ever. As much as he tried to put up a front and stay strong, try to pretend that he was o.k., in reality he was about far from it as he could possibly get. This . . . man – whoever he was, wasn't messing around. He clearly knew what he was doing, well enough to put even Jensen on edge – which was, to be blunt, absolutely fucking terrifying. Jared thought he knew fear in Jensen, in how efficient and obviously well trained he was – this guy was proving just how wrong he could be. You have to understand that Jensen, for all his . . . faults (his scary, knife-wielding faults) did have a moral compass, Jared knew what Jensen was capable of just as well as he knew his limits, and Jensen did have limits – he could be cold and calculating but never without reason. That's what made this guy so frightening – they didn't know what his reasons were or if he even had one. What this guy had proved he was willing to do, how far he was willing to go without a clear indication of why . . . he made made Jensen look like a pussycat in comparison.

Inevitably Jared's thoughts turned solely to Jensen as they often did lately. Jensen . . . confused him. He was like a puzzle that as hard as Jared tried he just couldn't figure out. In his mind, before Jensen came back for him, before he saved him, before any of this mess Jared had managed to build him up as this ultimate nightmare man – a regular Freddy Kruger who was ruthless and cruel . . . evil. But, having to spend time with Jensen now, having him as the only person in the world he can rely on at the moment, Jared started to feel differently. He realized now that Jensen wasn't the bad guy he'd painted him as. He had let one bad (one really bad) experience with Jensen mar his entire perception of the man and maybe that wasn't fair. Jensen was capable of such compassion and kindness, Jared saw that now. He saw it in the way that no matter what was happening he would always put Jared's safety above everything. He saw it in the way if Jared ever accidentally hurt himself while cooking Jensen would clean and dress the wound with a care and gentleness that up until recently Jared would've said he wasn't capable of. He saw it in the way that whenever Jensen went on supply runs (making sure Jared was safe and comfortable in the panic room first of course) he would bring back little gifts for him – simple things like Jared's favorite candy, but it was those things that meant the most. He saw it whenever Jensen's face went soft at the sight of a dog on TV – he saw it in countless other things but most of all he saw it in the man Jensen was, who he really was. Jared spent so long believing that the loving man who took care of him after he got out of hospital the first time didn't really exist. That it was all just an act – it took him longer than it should have to see the truth. To open his eyes and see that the man did exist, that the gentle man with the kind smile was just Jensen and he really didn't know how to deal with that.

As much as he had tried to fight it Jared had developed . . . feelings for Jensen. At first he thought it was just the warmth that came with realizing that Jensen wasn't the monster he thought he was, so he couldn't hate him anymore, it was o.k. to form some kind of friendship – but as time went on Jared realized his feeling went far deeper than that. He would've said he was in love – except that he couldn't love Jensen, not like that, not after everything, he couldn't possibly . . . no.

Jared was confused – he was stuck between his heart and his head. His heart was telling him that Jensen was sweet and funny, kind and generous, all in all damn-near perfect. Except for the fact that he wasn't perfect and that's where his head came in. Jared couldn't just forget everything that Jensen had done to him, how could he? He couldn't forget that as sweet as Jensen was he had one hell of a dark side too. So how the hell was he supposed to start something with a man who he couldn't forgive? How could he love Jensen when he couldn't even look in the mirror without remembering what the man had done to him? What was he supposed to do?

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was much later when Jared finally ventured out of both his room and the thoughts that threatened to consume him to find Jensen sitting on the couch in the front room seemingly lost in his own thoughts. A bottle of wine sat open and half finished on the coffee table in front of him. Figuring that Jensen probably needed some time to himself Jared turned to exit the room only to be stopped as the other man softly called his name.

“Jared?”

“Yes Jensen?”

“Where you going? Come sit down and have a drink with me.”

Jared desperately wanted to refuse, mixing Jensen and alcohol while his head was still all over the place was not a good idea, but then he saw the pleading look in Jensen's eyes and he knew he couldn't say no.

“O-o.k. But not too much, I don't wanna end up with a killer hangover in the morning.”

That at least raised a smile from Jensen as he approached the couch and sat down, claiming a glass of wine for himself. Soon enough the lost look was back on Jensen's face and the silence lay heavy between them.

“Jared?” Jensen broke the quiet almost hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“You remember the conversation we had a while back – after the men came to the house. We agreed we could ask each other anything without getting mad right? A-and that we had to tell the truth?”

“Yeah I remember why?”

“It's just, there's something I wanted to ask you.”

“Shoot.”

“I don't even know how – it's just . . . You remember the first time? We lived together I mean, after your accident. When I . . . when I . . . tricked you?”

Jared swallowed, he had a feeling he wasn't going to like the conversation that followed.

“Yes. I remember Jensen. How could I ever forget?”

“Well you know there was that one time that we . . . you know . . .”

“What?”

“When we had sex?”

That was about the last thing Jared expected Jensen to say.

“What about it?”

“I was just wondering . . . did you mean it?”

“I don't . . . What do you mean?”

“The sex – did you mean it or was it just to distract me? I mean, did you ever find me attractive before you figured out what a screw up I was? Did you ever feel anything for me?”

Jared blew out a breath, this was not a conversation he wanted to have, especially not now, but he did promise so he'd just have to suck it up and answer the question.

“Honestly? I wanted to sleep with you. I needed to get the key to find out what you where hiding but if I tried hard enough I could've found another way to do that. I had sex with you because I wanted you. I thought you were handsome, sweet, kind and sexy. It felt like if I was . . . married to you then it should be normal to be attracted to you . . . but that was the problem – back then it was just lust. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel anything for you outside of sexual desire. I figured there should have been some kind of sense memory, that as your husband I'd feel how much I loved you even without remembering – of course now I now why that never happened. My point is before it was just lust because I didn't really know you – not like I do now.”

That last part had been a slip and Jared was terrified that Jensen might pick up on what he was feeling now.

“Jared -”

“Don't I get a question?”

“What?”

“Well you got my honest answer, now there's something I want to ask you. Something I've wanted to know for a while now.”

“O.k. What do you want to know?”

“Just – Why me? All of this, everything that happened before and now. Why'd you pick me?”

“Because you were the first bit of light I'd seen in my life since . . . pretty much ever. Despite what the tabloids think I never had the perfect life, in fact I hated every second of it until I saw you. I'd spent years feeling like I was suffocating under the weight of . . . everything. I didn't have anyone to turn to, I didn't have any escape. Everyone at school hated me because I was different – like I really gave a flying fuck what any of them thought, but then there was you. You helped me, you were the first person I'd ever met who gave a shit about anybody but themselves, I couldn't help but fall in love with you. To me you were – are – perfect, I put you on a pedestal because you were the only good memory I had. You were like a ray of sunshine, I was only truly happy when I was near you. I couldn't let you go, I couldn't lose you. That's why I did what I did, because I loved you so much that I felt I couldn't breathe and nothing's changed there, I still feel the same way about you – I just tried to show you in entirely the wrong way and screwed everything up. I am so sorry for that.”

Jared wanted to know more, he wanted to know what had happened to make Jensen feel trapped in his own life but he could sense that now was not the time to pry, not yet.

“You know the funny thing? Back in high school if you'd of asked me out again like a week later I would've totally said yes.”

“Huh? How would a week make any difference?”

“Well you know I was dating Danny, the captain of the football team back then? He was a self-obsessed dick, but I'm from Texas so loyalty comes with the territory and I didn't feel like I could just dump him for that you know – a move I was kicking myself for when you asked cos I thought you were cute. Two days later I found out he was cheating on me with the head-cheerleader, that's when I gladly dumped his ass.”

“Seriously? I thought after you two broke up it would be dick move to try and get a date with you, that's why I kept my distance. Well, that and I didn't want to be your rebound, I couldn't of handled that.”

“You wouldn't of been. You know, in the spirit of honesty, most of the guys I dated I wasn't even that into.”

“What about Mark? You seemed pretty heartbroken when he left.”

“No I was broken over all the money he stole from me. He was a pity date, I felt sorry for the guy, gave him some-place to live and a stable relationship and he robs me blind! Not to mention half of what's happening now is because of his friends or colleagues – whatever con-men and criminals call themselves. No the only guy I ever dated for love was Tom and it hurts because I never got any real closure with him. The break-up and everything just happened so fast . . . you know for months I refused to take off his ring. Chad kept telling me to move on and get over it, but I was just so convinced that he'd come back and we'd get married like we were supposed to and . . . I lost it . . . after the accident – when I remembered, I knew I was wearing his ring that night but after the crash, it was gone . . .”

Jensen looked at him with an unreadable expression before he seemed to come to a decision.

“Jared, stay here o.k. I have to get something and you have to promise you won't get mad o.k? Promise me.”

“O.k. I promise.”

Jared watched as Jensen left the room and returned moments later, his fist closed around something small. Jared's breath caught as Jensen sat beside him and placed the object in his hand. It was his ring, Tom's ring. Jensen ha taken it? How? When? Why? Did it even matter anymore? Jared wished he could be mad. Lash out. Anything, but the truth is that his relationship with Tom seems so long ago now – he still feels love for the man, he's pretty sure he always will, but it's not all-consuming like it used to be. He'd moved on when he accepted he would never have it again. This was the man who he was going to spend the rest of his life with and now when faced with the fact that Jensen took his one reminder of the man from him all he can feel is relief that Jensen has the courage to be honest with him. How fucked up is that?

“I took the ring after I the crash. I was waiting for the ambulance when I saw it. It was stupid and selfish, but all that was going through my head was that you were mine and shouldn't be wearing anybody elses ring. I'm so sorry Jared. I know I shouldn't of done it – I didn't then but I do now. I realize now that I tried to take something that wasn't mine to take. I just hope you can forgive me.”

Looking into Jensen's eyes it was obvious that it wasn't just the ring he was talking about – and that was it the final straw which made him make either the stupidest or smartest decision of his life – he guessed he'd find out which soon enough. It was too late to go back now, his heart had won, overruling the part of his brain that was screaming “What the fuck are you doing? This is such a stupid fucking idea!”

“It is now.”

Jensen looked adorably perplexed “What?”

“It's yours now. I'm yours now if you still want me.”

“Are you kidding of course I still want you. You're all I've ever wanted, but you have to be sure Jared. Are you absolutely sure?”

In answer Jared smashed their lips together in a passionate and bruising kiss.

“I'm sure.”

Jensen clearly didn't need a second invitation because within minutes Jared found himself in Jensen's bedroom while the man stripped him and pushed him back onto the bed with a fierce and possessive passion.

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Later as Jared curled up with his head on Jensen's chest he was hit with an overwhelming sense of belonging and a strange certainty that it wasn't going to last.

Something was waiting round the corner and it was ready to strike.

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The man watched the two cuddling men on the screen in thought. Oh this was perfect! Ackles had gotten a taste of his perfect life and now it was just gonna be that much sweeter when it was ripped away from him.

There was just one more game to play.

He'd found the ideal guy to infiltrate the safe-house, he was the perfect kind of stupid – wouldn't even pick up on the fact that he's being sent to his death until it's too late. Everything was falling into place.

Finally Ackles is going to know what it feels like to lose everything.

It'll be an act of mercy when he puts a bullet through his skull.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the day Jensen Ackles finally gets what's coming to him.

Let the games begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I am a little disappointed by the lack of response I've been getting which is why I keep not posting for long periods even though the story itself is finished. So I'll make you a deal, if I get at least 5 comments on this fic then I'll post the entire second half of the story before the end of next week. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who the fuck are you?” Jensen asked aloud, aware he wasn't going to get a response from the fallen man then. He supposed he'd get his answer soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning this chapter does contain depictions of torture. Thanks for reading!

Jensen was happier than he had ever been. The memory of the previous night was still fresh in his mind and he couldn't wait to explore what this new change in relationship meant for both himself and Jared. Last night had been . . . incredible – he could still feel Jared's phantom touches and the memory of his lips. He could still see in perfect detail the image of Jared laid out naked before him like a banquet, still hear the sounds Jared made as Jensen made love to him – the little whimpers and broken off moans, how Jared had called Jensen's name as he came – the word so perfect on his lips. He remembered how they fit together when they lay curled around one another - how amazing Jared had felt in his arms. He remembered every last detail and he was certain that he always would.

Jensen had kissed Jared awake this morning simply because he could and the beautiful smile he had gotten for his efforts was simply breathtaking – he loved having the freedom to touch Jared the way he wanted. He loved being able to act on his feelings for the man. Having Jared as his own was every bit as perfect as he'd always dreamed it would be, and Jared was his now. Jared finally belonged to him the same way he had always belonged to Jared and it was an absolutely fantastic feeling. Lost in thoughts of dazzling dimpled smiles and intimate touches it was easy to forget the true extent of the danger they were both in. Being close to Jared afforded Jensen the shining piece of heaven he'd always sought, but unfortunately no matter how beautiful the dream there's always something waiting to bring you crashing back down to earth. For the past few days Jensen had been getting the growing feeling that something was . . . off. He wasn't sure exactly where the feeling came from but he'd learned a long time ago to trust his gut instincts. It was little things at first, just a slight sense of unease sometimes when he was alone that gradually spread until he was certain there was a breach in his security somewhere. Rather than the reassurance and feeling of control the security camera's were there to provide Jensen got the overwhelming sense that he was being watched. His suspicion and paranoia had only grew from there – he was supposed to be protecting Jared, how could he do that if he wasn't even certain his own security measures weren't being used against him? He wasn't taking any chances, not with Jared's safety.

Walking into his office Jensen immediately headed for the computer and shut down the camera system – he only wished the action would've brought him some kind of relief as it was Jensen felt sick with the certainty that he'd already acted too late. Something was very wrong and the only thing he knew for certain in that moment was that whatever was coming next it wasn't going to get anywhere near Jared – he was going to make damn sure of that.

Predictably he found Jared in the kitchen and ignoring the alarm bells screaming in his head he allowed himself just a moment to take in the scene before him. Jared was making pancakes, dancing through his task to whatever song he was listening to on his iPod. He was covered in splashes of batter- but his messy appearance didn't seem to phase him, too caught up in his own world smiling and moving his hips to the beat. He looked happy. The whole thing was just so domestic that it made Jensen's heart ache for the normality and safety that they couldn't have – not yet. Moving from the doorway Jensen wrapped his arms around the dancing man from behind and dropped a gentle kiss to the side of his neck. Jared jumped at the contact and spun to face Jensen – relief overtaking the fear on his face when he realized who it was.

“Jensen? Seriously, don't sneak up on me like that – you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Smiling sadly Jensen leaned in towards Jared, bracketing the man's body with his own.

“I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again. Promise.”

Smiling Jared leaned forward and captured Jensen's lips in a kiss.

“Jared . . . You know I love you right? More than anything? And I'd do anything to protect you?”

“Yes, of course I do . . . where's all this coming from?”

“Jay baby, there's something I need you to do for me o.k? I need you to go to the panic room and lock yourself in and then I need you to stay there and try not to make any noise until I come and get you. Can you do that?”

“What? Why?”

“Can you do that? I need to know.”

“Jensen you're scaring me now What's going on?”

“Nothing you need to worry about. I'm gonna take care of it. I'm gonna take care of everything.”

“What are you going to take care of?”

“Do you trust me?”

“. . .yes. I trust you.”

“Then do this for me. Stop fighting and just trust me to keep you safe.”

Jared searched Jensen's eyes and apparently finding what he was looking for, nodded his acquiescence before moving out from Jensen's arms and towards the panic room.

Breathing out a sigh of relief Jensen pulled out the gun he kept hidden in the back of the drawer and tucked it into his pants before proceeding with his task of securing the house. A search of each of the rooms had turned out nothing by all intents and purposes the place was clean. To the untrained eye there was no danger, but Jensen knew better – there was someone one in the house with them, he could sense it and whoever they were they weren't getting back out alive.

Jensen had just finished checking the front room when he felt it. Whoever it was, they were here. In this room. Behind him. Slowly, keeping up the pretense of ignorance Jensen reached for his gun and waited. He waited for the intruder to sneak up on him and when Jensen could practically feel their body heat against his back he turned quickly, cracking the but of the gun against the man's skull. He watched as the unfamiliar body fell unconscious to the ground.

“Who the fuck are you?” Jensen asked aloud, aware he wasn't going to get a response from the fallen man then. He supposed he'd get his answer soon enough.

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By the time the intruder regained consciousness Jensen had tied him tightly down to a chair, moved the furniture out to the side and spread a plastic cover over the floor (Well he didn't want to make a mess and blood stains were a bitch to get out.) Jensen was sharpening his favorite knife when the man finally raised his head up from his chest.

“Oh. Good you're awake. I was beginning to think you were gonna miss all the fun.”

“Do you really think you scare me?”

“Oh and it talks too! That's gonna make things so much easier. Oh and in answer to your question – whether or not you're afraid of me is irrelevant the real question is how long it'll take before you're begging me to kill you. Which won't happen before you tell me what I want to know of course.”

“You really think you're something special don't you? Successful business man with money to burn, a fucking mansion for a safe house – really brave move by the way, coming out here and hiding between your fuck-boy's legs.”

“You know it'll be a real shame if I have to cut out your tongue this early.”

“Ooh terrifying really – I gotta admit though, you have good taste in guys. What's he called? Jared? He's got a fine ass, wouldn't mind bending him over the nearest table and taking him for hours – slut'll love every second of it too.”

Within seconds Jensen had the knife pressed against the man's throat as he loomed over him.

“Let me clue you in on something here you stupid fuck – I've got a possessive streak a mile long and your life in the palm of my hand so if I were you I'd think real hard before you breathe a word about him.”

“I already told you I'm not scared of you. You're all talk.”

“You should be and as for me being all talk?”

Jensen lifted the knife from the man's throat before stabbing into his shoulder and twisting, letting the pained yelp wash over him. Pulling the knife from the wound Jensen wiped the blood from the blade before turning back to his victim.

“W-was that supposed to scare me? B-because it didn't work.”

“Didn't it? Then why do I see fear in your eyes?”

“Y-you don't.”

“No? Then what would you call it?”

“Surprise? Pain? You did just stab me.”

“So self-assured – pain doesn't scare you?”

“I-it'll heal.”

Jensen let out a humorless laugh.

“Will this heal too?”

Jensen replaced the knife he held with a pair of wire-cutters which he placed over the index finger of the mans bound right hand cutting it from his body. Jensen caught the severed appendage before it could hit the ground and shoved it into the mans screaming mouth before turning to clean his instrument. The man spat the body part out instantly.

“You sick bastard!” He managed through gasps of pain.

“Aw, honey you say the sweetest things.”

“Fuck you asshole.”

“Well now is it just me or do you seem a tad upset? Hmm, those don't exactly grow back do they? So tell me, has the message finally been received? This is not a game and I sure as hell am not playing with you.”

“You twisted . . .”

“Ah ah ah . . .as amusing as listening to you vent is, that's not what I want to hear from you – so are you going to co-operate and tell me what I want to know like a good boy or am going to have to start cutting off the other nine?”

“You . . .”

“. . . and if that gets old I could always move onto ripping your teeth out of your mouth one by one. Your choice.”

“What do expect me to say?”

“Well you could start by telling me your name.”

“Daniel – Daniel Collins.”

“Well Daniel you mind telling just what the fuck you think you were doing breaking in here and trying to sneak up on me with a taser no less?”

Jensen picked up the object in question which he'd retrieved from the then unconscious man's hand and watched Daniel's eyes widen in recognition.

“I-I was under orders.”

“Whose orders?”

“I-I don't know his name.”

“I don't believe that but I'll play along for now. What were your orders?”

“. . . to kill you.”

Jensen saw the way the man's eyes flicked down in his hesitation – a classic sign of deceit.

“How about we try that again.” Jensen approached Daniel and pressed the taser against his stomach, relishing the yelp of pain he gave as the electric current passed through him.

“What were your orders?”

“I already told you.”

“No you didn't. You lied and I don't like being lied to.”

Jensen dropped the taser and went to retrieve his knife – he then tore open Daniels shirt before pressing the knife to the skin of his chest.

“What's your favorite animal Daniel?”

“W-what?”

“I asked you what your favorite animal was.”

“Um I dunno, cats I guess why?”

“Hmm, I'm more of a dog person myself – and your favorite color?”

“R-red – what does this have to do with anything?”

“The color of blood, interesting. Let me explain what's going to happen now I'm going to ask you a question and every time you lie to me, I'm going to carve a letter from the words you gave me into your chest you understand?”

“Y-you can't . . .”

“Can't I? First word was cat right?”

Jensen pressed the blade harder against Daniel's skin carving a jagged 'C' into the flesh amidst the man's pained pleas for him to stop.

“If you want it to stop all you have to do is to tell me what your real orders were.”

“I can't – t-the man, he'll kill me!”

“And you really believe I wont?”

Met with silence Jensen began carving the letter 'A' into the center of Daniel's chest watching with fascination as thick rivers of blood trailed from the wound pooling at the man's stomach.

“S-stop! Please! Just stop!”

“What were your orders?”

“I-I can't!”

“Yes you can! You want it to stop? Then you tell me the truth.”

Jensen had just began cutting the 'T' when Daniels resolve finally broke.

“O-o.k! O.k! I'll tell you just stop. Please, I'm begging you just stop!”

Jensen lifted the knife immediately and waited for Daniel to speak.

“T-the man – he told me t-to taser you. I was told to get you unconscious, t-then I was supposed to tie you up and wait for him to come . . . I-I think he wanted to kill you himself but I-I'm not sure.”

“That's it?”

“That's all I was told I swear.”

“See now that wasn't so hard now was it? If I don't put something on those cuts they're going to get infected pretty quick. The problem is my medical supplies are in the bathroom and I'm covered in your blood so if I go I'm just going to get it everywhere. That isn't exactly ideal for someone as house-proud as me. Hmm, I do have something to hand but your really not going to like it.”

Jensen reached to the side where his interrogation tools were laid out and picked up a packet of salt resting next to a row of syringes. Daniel's eyes widened in panic when he saw what it was.

“N-no, please . . .”

“Now I'm not gonna lie, this is gonna sting like a bitch, but then you really should've thought of that before you broke into my house and tried to ambush me.”

Jensen ripped open the packet, grabbed a handful of the grains and threw them over the deep wounds decorating Daniel's chest causing him to hiss at the extreme burning sensation it caused.

“Now normally I'm a very reasonable guy Daniel but you pushed my boundaries. There are repercussions for anyone who pisses me off as your learning now. Strike at me and I strike back twice as hard, that's just the way I live ans everything that's happening to you right now? You brought it on yourself the second you agreed to try.”

“Fuck you, you sadistic son of a bitch! You're enjoying this!”

“Sorry man you're not my type.”

“No, you prefer tall, dark and innocent don't you? Any particular reason you fixated on him or do you just have a thing about tainting goodness?”

That was it Jensen was officially pissed. He'd told him to leave Jared out of it but he'd brought him up again! Was this guy hard of hearing or something? Maybe he just needed to be taught a lesson on listening. With Harsh and angry movements Jensen slammed the bag of salt onto the table before picking up the knife and slicing off Daniel's left ear.

“I told you not to talk about him!”

Jensen waved the dismembered ear in front of Daniel's face like a prize as the blood seemed to gush from the wound faster with the force of his screams.

“See now that's two strikes. One more and the next thing I cut off will be your dick. Understand?”

Unable to speak through the pain Daniel simply nodded.

“Good, shall we move onto my next question? The man who sent you to me, who was it?”

“I-I told you, I don't know.”

Daniel was actually crying by now but Jensen didn't buy it. He was sick of hiding in the shadows from a nameless, faceless threat. He wanted a name and he was going to get one.

“Well you better find your happy place real fast because this isn't going to stop until you tell me. Give me a name and I just might consider letting you die quick.”

“I don't know anything I swear!”

“I don't believe you.”

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Twenty minutes later Jensen had broken five of Daniels remaining fingers, removed six of his teeth and left a litter of deep cuts and wounds over the his face, neck and torso. The man was a complete mess. There was blood everywhere and Jensen had exhausted everyone of the tolls he had laid out before the interrogation began, but he still didn't have a name. The man was half-way dead, his screams long since fading to agonized whimpers but he still hadn't given up what Jensen had wanted and the longer the charade went on the angrier Jensen got.

“O.k. Daniel we've been at this for a while now so are you finally going to tell me what I want to know or . . .”

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Jensen's blood ran cold at that familiar voice. Turning from his victim he saw Jared stood in the doorway his face pale and shocked, eyes glued to the broken and bloody form bound to the chair at Jensen's side.

_Fuck._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen had just entered the front room when he sensed it. Something was wrong. Looking towards the table Jensen saw that his tools were gone.
> 
> “Hello Jensen.”
> 
> Jensen spun around instantly and faced the voice in the shadows of the room.
> 
> “You.”

“What the hell is going on in here?”

Jensen's blood ran cold at that familiar voice. Turning from his victim he saw Jared stood in the doorway his face pale and shocked, eyes glued to the broken and bloody form bound to the chair at Jensen's side.

_Fuck._

“What is this?”

The dread in the pit of Jensen's stomach grew the longer Jared remained stationary.

“Jared? W-what are you doing out of the panic room?”

Finally glazed hazel eyes slowly moved from Daniels bloody form to meet Jensen's panicked stare.

“Your security systems must be down – the door didn't automatically lock like it was supposed to.”

“What? You mean you were left vulnerable?”

But Jared just carried on with what he was saying as if he never heard Jensen speak. Jensen honestly wasn't sure whether he had.

“I-I heard noises – it sounded like someone was in pain so I just came to see if you needed help, but I can see now that it wasn't you that needed help was it Jensen? Or maybe it is, just a different kind.”

“Jared . . .”

“I think I'm gonna be sick.”

Jared ran from the room and Jensen followed, catching up to him in the kitchen. Jared was bent over the sink dry-heaving, the bowls of pancake mix and other remnants of Jared's joyful morning cooking cluttered at his side serving as a twisted reminder to Jensen of just how badly he'd screwed up. Jensen approached his love slowly – putting a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort only to have it roughly shoved off by Jared as he spun around to face him, anger and disgust blazing in his eyes.

“Don't! Don't you dare fucking touch me!”

“Jared . . .”

“No! You are ten kinds of fucked in the head to be able to do that to someone and think that it's o.k.!”

“He broke in, I was protecting you.”

“No! You don't get to say that! You don't get to use me as an excuse for your actions! That in there? That is not protecting me! I dealt it with it when you killed the others because it was fast – I could almost understand it because it was kill or be killed, you didn't have a choice . . .”

“I didn't have a choice this time either!”

“Yes you did! Don't try and bullshit me Jensen, there is always a choice with this and the one you made is always the wrong one! You could've killed him quick like the rest but you didn't and that's all on you – I wasn't happy that you killed the others but I could believe then, that you did it to protect me. What you were doing to that guy in there? The pain you were causing? The suffering. That isn't protection, that's just sick and evil.”

“You don't understand, I did it for you.”

“What do you expect me to say Jensen? 'Thank you for torturing that poor bastard?' For scaring him so bad he pissed his pants? What fantasy world are you living in that you could even think that I would ever be able to understand any of this? I just – why? Why would you even think to do something like that? Don't you care? Do you have that little consideration for people that you could see a man bleeding and screaming, knowing that you caused it and not give a damn? Why not just kill him like the others? People have breached the security before and you never reacted like this. If you would've just killed him I could of repressed it, I'd still be angry but that I could just about ignore. Torture? That I can't . . . why not just kill him?”

“Because I need information. I need to know whose behind all of this.”

“And you think he can tell you? Jensen the man is broken – if he knew anything he'd of spilled it by now just to spare himself the pain. It's fucking obvious that he came here blind, why can't you see that?”

Jensen sucked in a breath. Jared was right. Daniel was begging for death in the other room, he'd answered every one of Jensen's other questions but he still didn't have a name – because Daniel didn't know it! What had he done? The guy was an asshole but he didn't deserve to suffer for something he didn't know. Jensen had just seen red, wanted this whole situation to be over and it had blinded him.

“Oh, God. Your right. I didn't . . .”

“I don't wanna hear it! You let him go and you let him go now.”

“I can't”

“Can't or won't?”

“I can't!”

“Why not?”

“Because either way he's a dead man! He's lost too much blood, he'll never make it to the hospital in time for them to save him. Even if I let him go now he'll still be dead within the hour. It's better if I just deal with it.”

“So deal with it! Put that man out of his misery as quickly and painlessly as possible – just shoot him or something. Then clean up the mess - get rid of the body, the . . . tools, whatever you gotta do – just . . . I don't wanna see it.”

“Jared we need to talk about this.”

“Damn right we do and we will. Just not right now. I'll come and find you later . . .”

“Jared . . .”

“No. I can't even look at you right now. I-I just need some time to myself away from you just give me that.”

But Jensen was stubborn, or maybe just stupid. He moved in towards Jared and attempted to bracket him in against the sink Jared tied to resist and eventually reached to grab the gun still tucked into Jensen's pants. Jared paced the barrel of the gun under Jensen's chin and clicked off the safety as Jensen's eyes widened.

“Don't test me you son of a bitch because the way I'm feeling right now I'd do it. Take your hands off me and go do what I said.”

Not wanting to upset Jared any further Jensen relinquished his hold and stepped back, as soon as he had Jared put the safety back on and placed the gun in Jensen's hand.

“I want to hear a gunshot – I want to know he died quick.”

Jensen simply nodded and turned to leave the room. He was almost at the door when he heard the faint “Jensen?”

“Yes Jared?”

“One more thing – take a shower when you're done. You're covered in his blood and it's sickening.”

And with that he was gone.

-

Jensen walked back into the front room, game-face firmly in place. Rule number one: Never show weakness in the face of the enemy.

Daniel's eyes widened in fear when they caught sight of him. Jensen was silent as he approached the broken man and grabbed his chin forcing Daniel to look into his eyes.

“You really don't know anything do you?”

“N-no. Nothing . I-I swear.”

“O.k.”

“P-please – please, I'm begging you, just kill me. Please.”

“That what you really want Daniel?”

“Y-yes – P-please.”

“Then I guess today's your lucky day.”

Jensen brought the gun to the Daniel's forehead, dismissing the look of gratitude he got in return, clicked off the safety and pulled the trigger. The man's blood was a beautiful shade of red as it splatted the wall behind him.

-

Later after Jensen had disposed of the body, cleaned up the mess that was the front room and scrubbed himself raw in the shower Jensen ventured to try and talk to Jared again. Jensen found him in his bedroom, stood unmoving and looking out of the window with unseeing eyes, his back to Jensen.

“I know you're there Jensen, so either come here so we can talk or fuck off – the whole silent staring thing is just creepy.”

“Jared I-I don't know what to say here. You know that I'm not exactly innocent you knew that when you agreed to come here.”

“Knowing it and seeing it are two completely different things.”

“Jared I kill people. I torture for information. This is the way I live and it has been for years.”

“I know. What concerns me is if you can do all that. If you can hurt and kill people like that without a care, the how long will it be before you turn on me? How long until you hurt me like you hurt that guy?”

“How can you even think that?”

“How can I not? You tell me to trust you but how can I? How can I trust somebody whose capable of that?”

“I would never hurt you Jared.”

“Maybe not but can you say the same for him?”

“Who?”

“The other side of you. Jensen when I walked in on you today I didn't recognize you. It's like you were this whole other person. The man in that room was cold and calculating – ruthless, he wasn't the kind, gentle and loving man I spent last night with. I couldn't see the person I . . . All I could see was the Jensen I used to have nightmares about, the Jensen who almost killed me not this Jensen who looks at me with love in his eyes and takes care of me. It's like you're two completely different people and that scares me. It fucking terrifies me, because I trust you with all my heart, but I can't trust him – knowing that you can switch between those two personalities so easily, I'm not sure whether I can deal with that.”

“Jared I love you with all my heart. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for you and maybe I get a little caught up in . . . what I do, but that's just how I deal with it – it's how I learned to survive. I don't want you thinking that I'll ever not be able to control it around you. I don't want you thinking that you're not safe with me, because it's not true. I would rather die than see you hurt. You have to believe that.”

“You'd do anything for me?”

“Yes. Name absolutely anything and it's yours. Anything.”

“I want this to stop. I want you to stop hurting people, stop killing people. I want you to change. I want to trust you.”

“You can trust me.”

“Prove it.”

“Jared I've lived this life since I was a teenager, it's a part of me now. I don't know if I can just stop.”

“What happened to you Jensen? What happened in your life that made you think this was an o.k. way to live?”

“It's not important.”

“Obviously it is, or we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You wouldn't have done that. You wouldn't be about to lose me.”

“W-what, no. No you can't . . .”

“I don't think I can be with someone who does that. Who can torture like it's nothing ans kill just as easily.”

Jensen walked over to Jared and grasped his arms, holding him firmly in place.

“No! I can't lose you. Not now, not when I only just got you.”

“So prove to me that you can change. Prove to me that I'm not giving my heart to a monster.”

“What if I stop, what if I change and you still can't forget? What if you leave me anyway? What then?”

“I won't, I swear I won't. I just need to know that your not going to hurt anybody else. I just need to know that I can sleep at night knowing that I'm safe with a man who isn't going to kill the next person who crosses him. I need you to give me that.”

“I'd give you anything . . .”

Jared closed the distance between their mouths and stole Jensen's breath in a kiss.

“Show me you can change, prove to me you won't hurt anybody else and I'm yours forever, go back to . . . that and I'll be out the door before you can finish washing the blood off your hands. This isn't a miracle fix, I can't promise you that everything will be perfect between us but I can promise you that I'll try, if you will. If you love me as much as you say you do . . .”

“You know I do.”

“Then you have to chose, this life or me. You can't have both. I can't deal with looking at you and wondering whether you've killed anybody today for the rest of our lives. So you need to make a decision now and stick to it.”

“You, I choose you.”

“Are you sure? You need to know that if you slip up, if you start hurting people again then that's it. I'm gone. Can you honestly tell me you won't mess up?”

“I wont. I can do anything if it's for you. Nothing compares to the thought of losing you, I couldn't live without you. I promise, no more killing, no more hurting. I choose you. I love you too much to let you go.”

“That's all I needed to hear.” Jared said with a small smile.

“Is it gone? All of it?”

“Yes.”

“Then that's it. It's over.”

“Yes.”

“Where are your . . . tools?”

“Still in the front room.”

“Can you move them please – then you can come back up and we can talk about something less depressing yeah?”

“Absolutely” Jensen answered with a bright smile, relieved that he hadn't lost Jared completely. There was hope.

-

Jensen had just entered the front room when he sensed it. Something was wrong. Looking towards the table Jensen saw that his tools were gone.

“Hello Jensen.”

Jensen spun around instantly and faced the voice in the shadows of the room.

“You.”

“Long time no see huh? Oh and there's no point looking for a weapon I already swept the room and removed them all.”

“You're the one behind all of this?”

“Oh well don't look so surprised, you might hurt my feelings. You really should do your homework before you pin someone as an easy mark.”

“How'd you find this place?”

“Oh remember those guys I sent to track you down a few weeks back, well you must be losing your touch. One of them got away – he came running back to tell me everything. Don't worry I took care of him, consider it a parting gift. Although honestly I was surprised you still used this place – I half expected you to tear it down when you took over from Daddy dearest.”

“What the hell are you talking about.”

“My my, you really don't know anything about me do you? Sloppy Jensen. If your going to ruin a man's life- twice, you should at least check if he's capable of providing competition first.”

“Twice?”

The man let out a humorless laugh.

“God could you be any more stupid? If I didn't hate you so much I'd almost find it endearing.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I guess you could call it pride. I had a life, one that I liked and you took it away. Not one to bear grudges back then I built myself back up and got myself a life I fucking loved, I even considered thanking you for a while until that fateful day when you show up and take everything away from me again. There's only so much a man can lose before he get's really pissed at the thief and I passed that point a long time ago. Take a good look Jensen. You did this to me, and everything that's going to happen now you brought on yourself.”

The man raised the gun in his hand and aimed it at Jensen's skull. Jensen didn't even flinch. He refused to show weakness to this little prick.

“It's over now. Goodbye Jensen.”

Jensen was still processing how it could be _him._ What did he mean twice? Jensen had only met him once, he was sure of it. How the fuck could all of this be down to _him?_

Just as the man was about to pull the trigger Jared entered the room calling Jensen's name. He froze as he took in the scene before him, his eyes finally landing on the man holding the gun. Jensen saw the moment his eyes widened in recognition.

It felt like the end of the world when Jared whispered

“ _. . . Tom?_ ”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a moment Jared was lost. He was lost in those eyes. Lost in the past, in gentle blue eyes and promises of love. A quick glance in Jensen's direction was enough to bring him back to his senses. Jensen looked . . . He had looked devastated – His mask had slipped for just a second when their eyes met, long enough for Jared to see the hurt there, as though he thought that now Tom was back Jared was just going to forget everything that had happened between them and leave with the man. Jared . . . in all honestly had no idea what would happen now, but he know that he needed answers. Now. Refocusing his attention on Tom he braced himself for whatever he was about to hear.

Jared sensed something was wrong the second he walked downstairs in search of Jensen. At first he thought it was just his own misgivings about the situation he'd found himself in. He thought the fear was his gut instincts way of telling him he'd made a mistake – he'd let his heart rule over his head and sooner rather than later he was going to pay for it. In all honesty could a man like Jensen ever really change? As he'd gotten closer to slightly open door leading to the front room he had began to rethink what the feeling really meant. It was a warning but not about Jensen. It felt like a warning _for_ Jensen. Something was wrong. They were in danger. Calling Jensen's name as he pushed the door open fully Jared took in the sight before him. He saw Jensen, his face a perfect mask, giving away nothing of his true feelings as he stared down the shadowed man in front of him. The shadowed man that was currently pointing a gun at Jensen's head. What the hell was this? Was this _the_ man? The man that had caused all of this? The man was looking at him now and that's when it hit Jared that the face he was looking at was very familiar. Hardly believing this was real and not just some fucked-up dream Jared dared to whisper the name of the man he never thought he'd see again.

“ . . . _Tom_ ”

Tom smiled at him then, although it came across as more of a grimace – as though he hadn't smiled in so long he'd half-way forgotten how to.

“Hey Jared. God baby, I've missed you so much. You have no idea how good it is to see you again.”

“I think I have an inkling.”

“I've missed your voice, your sense of humor, it's one of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place.”

For a moment Jared was lost. He was lost in those eyes. Lost in the past, in gentle blue eyes and promises of love. A quick glance in Jensen's direction was enough to bring him back to his senses. Jensen looked . . . He had looked devastated – His mask had slipped for just a second when their eyes met, long enough for Jared to see the hurt there, as though he thought that now Tom was back Jared was just going to forget everything that had happened between them and leave with the man. Jared . . . in all honestly had no idea what would happen now, but he know that he needed answers. Now. Refocusing his attention on Tom he braced himself for whatever he was about to hear.

“Tom? It was you? All of this, everything, it was all you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You want the complete truth?”

“No I want you to lie to my face. Of course I want the truth!”

“It was for revenge, pure and simple.”

That came as a shock. Jared just couldn't pair Tom's answer with the man he had known. The man he had loved.

“What happened to you? The Tom I knew wouldn't let himself be so consumed by hate. He wouldn't do this. ”

“ _He_ happened to me.”

Tom said as he leveled his furious gaze at Jensen once more before turning back to Jared.

“What you see before you now, is entirely _his_ creation.”

Taking a breath Jared willed himself to stay calm, getting mad and turning this into a argument. Not to mention the fact that he could no longer predict Tom's actions so pissing him off when he was holding a gun may not be the best idea.

“I understand that your angry even if I don't know exactly what Jensen did to you but I'm willing to bet it was something big to make you react like this. . . but Tom, what you've been doing . . . it's more than a little . . . reckless.”

“On the contrary Jared, everything I've done up to this moment I planned out til the last. . .”

“You planned everything?”

“I needed to be prepared if I was going to get what I wanted.”

“Tom . . . I almost died. The men, they came after me. They watched my home, broke into my workplace. They were there to kill me . . . did you? . . .”

Tom's eyes widened as he realized exactly what Jared was trying to say.

“No! God no! I didn't – That wasn't me. I would never send someone after you like that. You can't really think that I would.”

“I don't know what to think right now Tom.”

Tom moved forward then keeping the hand holding the gun firmly aimed at Jensen to prevent any sudden movement on the mans part. He then brought his free hand up to Jared's face forcing their foreheads together reminding Jared of all the times he'd done the exact same thing in the past before whispering endearments and words of love and forever.

“Baby, you have to believe me I would never do anything to hurt you. You knew that once is it really that hard to think it's still true? Those guys, yes they were working with me – for me – but I did not send them after you. They went behind my back, figured that by killing you they could get to him. God, I nearly killed every single one of them when I found out what they'd almost done to you.”

Tom placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and Jared couldn't think straight for the emotions that were coursing through him. The action was so much like Tom – the loving Tom he knew and he just didn't know what to think anymore.

“Please, you have to believe me Jarebear. I still love you so much, I never stopped. I don't think I ever will.”

Jarebear. That was Tom's favorite nickname for him when they started dating. Memories of early morning kisses and loving touches flooded through his mind. He'd tried so damn hard to stay strong, but having Tom so close again – he didn't know how much longer he could cope before he broke completely. He swore he felt a part of him shatter as Tom moved in closer and wrapped his arms around him in a strong embrace. The feel and smell of Tom around him was familiar – safe, but somehow not . . it was different to how he remembered it. It was too much. He couldn't handle it. There was nothing that could of prepared him for this.

It was Jensen who broke through the emotional turmoil that was threatening to overtake him. Jensen sounded furious as he shouted.

“Get your hands off him! You don't get to touch him like that! You don't get to mess with his head like that!”

Tom broke his hold of Jared and whirled to face Jensen, who had gotten significantly closer as though he was about to forcibly remove Tom if he hadn't already moved when he did. Tom instantly raised his hand to point the gun at Jensen's head once more.

“What gives you the right to think you can tell me what I can and cannot do with the man I love you son of a bitch? Are you gonna stop me? Huh? Because the only reason you're even alive right now is because of him, because I need to speak to him – tell him what you really are. You should savor your last moments Jensen, not cut them short. I swear if you try anything, you interfere in any way before we're done here and I'm going to decorate the wall with your brain ahead of schedule. Understand?”

The change in Tom was so instantaneous it left Jared reeling from the shock of it. It took a moment but Jared finally gathered his senses enough to listen to what was being said.

“Tom stop! Don't do this – I'm begging you. Don't turn yourself into this – please.”

Tom tore his gaze away from Jared long enough to fix Jared with a cold, hard stare. It was such a sharp contrast from the loving and gentle Tom he'd seen just moments ago. Guess Jensen's not the only one around here with split-personality issues Jared's shocked and hopelessly confused brain supplied.

“You're serious? You're begging for _him_? For _his_ life? Do you even have the first idea of who he really is – _what_ he really is?”

Jared swallowed past the dread building in the pit of stomach telling him to just let it go. He couldn't, he needed to know. Whatever had made Tom hate Jensen so much, he needed to know.

“So then why don't you tell me. What did Jensen do that was so bad it turned you into this?”

“Into what?”

“A potential murderer . . . a . . a . . .”

“A what Jared? What exactly do you see when you look at me now?”

Jared's voice was almost a whisper as he gave voice to the thoughts that had run through his mind at the man before him now.

“A nightmare. A monster.”

Tom gritted his teeth, seemingly in an attempt to stem the anger clearly bubbling just beneath the surface.

“Well if I am it's his fault.”

“Why? You keep blaming him but you never give me a reason, you never tell me why.”

“Because he took you away from me!”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“He stole you from me.”

“Tom, nobody _stole_ me. You broke up with me remember? You said you weren't ready for marriage . . . that you couldn't be with me. Jensen was after . . .”

“No Jared, he wasn't.”

Jared risked a glance towards Jensen who refused to meet his eyes.

“I don't understand . . . what . . .”

Tom let out a bitter laugh at Jared's obvious confusion.

“Well clearly that little truth pact you two have didn't stretch far enough. What is it Jensen? One rule for you another for Jared? Why should you get to hold onto your dirty little secrets?”

Turning his attention back to Jared, Tom continued.

“I didn't leave you Jared – or at least not of my own accord. It was him. He cornered me after work one night In the car park and in in no uncertain terms told me to leave you or die. Looking back I almost wished I'd of just let him kill me.”

“What? No . . . He said no more secrets – he promised.”

“You don't believe me? Would you like to see the little souvenir he left me?”

Turning towards the fading light of the room Tom grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it down revealing a deep Jagged scar resting over his collar bone.

“Gotta hand it to him, he's efficient – knows just where and how deep to cut to make it hurt and bleed as much as possible without causing death.”

Jared turned horrified eyes to Jensen then. Jensen who was still resolutely refusing to look back.

“Is it true? Jensen? Is it true?”

Jensen stayed silent. A slight twitch of his jaw the only indication he'd even heard the words.

“Don't you dare fucking ignore me Jensen. Tell me what I want to know. I need to hear it from your mouth and I need you to look me in the fucking eye when you do.”

Jensen finally raised his eyes to meet Jared's silently pleading for the taller man not to make him do this.

“I'm gonna ask one more time Jensen and I want an answer this time. Is it true?”

“Yes. Yes it's true alright.”

“Why?”

“Because I needed to get him away from you. I felt like he was taking away what was rightfully mine so I took him out of the picture is that what you want to hear? Or do you want more detail? You want to hear how when I cut him all I wanted to do was push a little deeper, a little higher and kill the smug bastard? You want to know just how fucked-up I really am, because I really don't know what you want me to say here. I've done worse, you know I have . . .”

“To Mark you mean? And the others.”

“Exactly – I've killed, I've tortured – So no, I'm not exactly a model citizen,but then you knew that already. You know what I'm capable of – was capable of, so why should this matter?”

“It matter's because you lied to me! For the longest time I believed you were somehow behind what happened with me and Tom, but then we started talking. I got to know you, really know you – I thought you were being honest, about everything. I just assumed the fact you never brought up Tom meant I was wrong, that you had nothing to do with it. God, I actually felt guilty for blaming you. I should've trusted my gut.”

“You never asked.”

“I shouldn't of had to. You knew – you knew how much he meant to me, yet you still didn't tell me . . .”

“Did you ever think that maybe that's why I didn't tell you? That I was just trying to protect you? Jared I love you and I'm not proud of what I've done in the past to show it. At the time it seemed . . . necessary. He in the way. The obstacle keeping me from you – so I removed him . . .”

“Not as well as you thought.” Tom butted in viciously.

Jensen's attention was focused solely on Jared and he continued his plea, completely ignoring Tom's outburst.

“Jay . . . baby . . . I never wanted to hurt you and I knew that if I told you the knowledge would destroy a part of you, a part of us – just like it is now. Don't let it Jay. You know me and as and as angry as you are, deep down you know that I meant it when I promised I'd change for you, us. Baby, please – don't you see this is exactly what he wants, he wants us separated . . . Don't let him win.”

Whatever Jared's response was going to be it was cut short by the sound of Tom's menacing laughter. Both mens' attention immediately snapped to him.

“Aww, well isn't that just precious.” He sneered.

“Tell me Jensen exactly what do I have to gain through playing mind games? No, I already know how this is going to end – with your dead body cooling a pool of your own blood, how soon we get there is entirely up to you.

“And how is that not a mind game?” Jensen snapped.

“Simple – I'm not here to play with you. All I want is a little honesty all round – give you the chance to get everything off your chest before you die. Everyone's entitled to their final confessions after all.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Like you don't know. . . alright seeing as you're playing the clueless card how about we make this into a game after all. A game of truth. A game of trust. And seeing as it seems to be the only way to get through that hard-ass mask of yours Jared can be the stakes. So here's what's gonna happen - I confess something less than pleasant and then you tell all about what you did to me – what you took from me. Then we'll see who holds Jared's trust.”

“You're insane you know that?”

“Yep, but then this wouldn't be half as interesting if I wasn't.”

“I don't even know what you're talking about! What besides Jared's did I take?”

“I'll start then shall I? O.k. Fine.”

Looking directly at Jared Tom continued.

“Hatred is an ugly thing Jared. Left long enough it festers and grows like an infected wound – because in a way it is. It consumes you. Poison's your mind, your heart, everything. It's a cruel emotion and it forces you to be cruel in kind. It changes you. Turns you into something unrecognizable. I never though I was capable of hate, but when a man like Jensen happens sometimes it's all your left with. T-the first time I didn't realize it was there, still so clueless – ready to just forget and move on. The past was the past. Except I never could. I never forget, not really, but then there you and suddenly that dark place inside of me didn't seem so important anymore. I loved you and more importantly I had your love until he came back and took that too. After you I was left with nothing, I was nothing and it was all too easy to remember. To let that darkness in. So I did. I learned to use the hatred, embrace it. All I could think of was revenge. Months of planning, making sure everything was perfect. I found out everything about his life – looked at every skeleton in that extensive closet of his and I found Mark. Mark who he killed to protect you. Mark who was part of an underground crime ring. I found them, told them just what he'd done, to their friend, their leader. They were more than happy to follow my lead after that, so long as it ended with him dead. The hatred had seeped in and completely taken me over by then. I couldn't feel anything else. Though nothing of killing men in cold blood to get what I wanted. Everything I did I did for hatred of the man who ruined my life, then let me build it back only to take it all away again. Seeing you again was the first time in almost two years that I've felt anything other than pure hate. I still love you Jared, I always will but I'm not the man you fell in love with. Not anymore.”

Without giving Jared chance to respond Tom turned his attention back to Jensen, the gun in his hand never wavering. Aim still and true on the other mans skull.

“Your turn.”

“I don't know what you want me to say and I'm not going to wast my time playing your stupid little games. So screw you, you pretentious fuck. You wanna kill me? Do it already.”

“Wrong answer.”

Tom moved the gun in a flash, aiming it at Jared instead.

“We play by my rules or not at all. Death doesn't scare you? Fine. I know something that will. Jared's death.”

Jared looked between the two men in terrified silence. It seemed like an eternity later when Jensen shook himself of his horror induced daze enough to reply.

“You wouldn't. You still love him. I know you do.”

“True, but the question is do I love him more than I hate you?”

Seconds of silence seemed to drag on until finally Tom lowered his gun slightly. To anyone else it would have appeared that Tom was giving in, but Jensen knew what was really happening. He raced to shield Jared's body with his own as the gun was fired, the bullet piercing the flesh of Jensen thigh causing a bright river of blood to gush from the wound. Jensen refused to give into the pain he kept himself standing and ignored the burning hole in his leg as best he could. Show no weakness. Jared was unharmed that's all that mattered. Refocusing on the man before him Jensen sent out a silent challenge and then Tom was laughing again.

“Jensen you really are too predictable. Ever the hero for Jared You think I'm such a rookie that I'd give away when I was going to fire? I did it on purpose you moron. So, now we've tested the limits how about you tell me what I want to know?”

“I already told you I don't know what you expect me to say.”

“And now I'm officially pissed. You really don't remember me? I used to work for you – or your dad at least.”

“Well if you worked for my Dad then it shouldn't your issue be with him?”

“Why would I have a problem with him?”

“Because he was a self-righteous asshole.”

“At least he wasn't a murderer.”

“You clearly didn't know him as well as you think you did.”

“Like father like son is it?”

“I am nothing like my father.”

“Ooh, touched a nerve have we? And as a matter of fact I knew your father very well. I was part of the team. The _operation_.”

Jensen's eyes widened in sudden realization. Tom smirked at that and moved forward to shove the barrel of the gun under Jensen's chin.

“So you do remember. Well go ahead Jensen, share with the class."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen knew what people thought of him. What they'd always thought. He saw the mix of pity and hatred in their eyes when they looked at him. They never saw him for him, all they ever saw was Alan Ackles's socially retarded kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning this chapter does contain child abuse.

 

Alan Ackles.

  
  


Rich. Powerful. Influential. _Honest_.

  
  


The perfect family man and so much more besides.

  
  


The kind of guy men looked up to and women spent their days dreaming about.

  
  


Jensen hated him.

  
  


To the public eye Alan was a regular mister perfect. They saw a man who'd built himself up from scratch, truly deserving of the business empire he now held. They saw a man who doted on what was left of his family, who was still so proud of his only remaining child Jensen even if that child was a freak who didn't socialize with the other kids like he everyone thought he should've. They saw a friend and neighbor, that all around nice guy that had a smile for everyone.

  
  


The whole fucking town had him up on a pedestal like he was some kind of God. To them, it seemed he was. Jensen often wondered how they'd feel if they knew the truth. What would happen if they found out that everything they saw was a lie held up simply because the man was a really was an incredible actor. But they never would. They never saw the real Alan Ackles, only a mask, a show. They didn't see him the way Jensen did. They didn't see the poison spreading through their precious community. Sometimes Jensen wanted nothing more than to be as ignorant as them. To be able to look at his _father_ and not see the man behind the charm and smiles that wanted nothing more than to watch the world burn around him. The truth was, Alan Ackles was pure evil personified. A demon hiding behind the perfect disguise and for all the world it seemed that Jensen was the only one who saw his true face.

  
  


Jensen knew what people thought of him. What they'd always thought. He saw the mix of pity and hatred in their eyes when they looked at him. They never saw him for him, all they ever saw was Alan Ackles's socially retarded kid. The boy who refused to speak unless spoken to and even the then the answer was as short as possible. They looked up to Alan even more for having to single-handedly raise a 'problem child'. They didn't know his behavior was just the result of Alan's training.

  
  


As a child Jensen learned early on that fear of the imaginary was a truly pointless emotion – it was in reality that true fear was founded. As far as he was concerned the monster under the bed could go fuck itself – he could take-on a thousand fake monsters just so long as he never made daddy mad. He'd seen what happens when daddy gets angry.

 

Josh made daddy angry and that's why Jensen couldn't see him anymore. He remembers how much he loved Josh, at five years old he was still too young and innocent to be able to fully understand what had happened so instead he cried, wrapped up in his mother's arms he asked over and over again when his big-brother was coming back. His mother soothed him as best she could telling him that Josh wasn't coming back and they'd have to be strong now – to keep going without him. When Jensen asked why he wasn't coming home his mother had told him that Josh had made daddy very angry, so he'd sent Josh away forever, mommy had done everything she could to stop him, but daddy wouldn't change his mind. Jensen had asked whether his brother would be happy wherever daddy had sent him and his mother had smiled despite the tears in her eyes, wiping away Jensen's own fallen tears she told him that Josh would be very happy, heaven was a better place than earth and Josh would finally get be the precious angel she'd always said he was. At the time that was enough to quiet Jensen's sobs. It was far sooner than it should have been when he finally grasped the true meaning of his mother's words and realized that the emotion he could never place in his mother's eyes whenever she looked at his father was fear.

  
  


Jensen was seven when his mother made his father truly angry. At the time his mother was eight months pregnant with his baby sister and despite her not actually being born yet Jensen already doted on her. He'd loved her ever since that first time when his mother had called him over to her, she'd grabbed his hand and placed it gently over her swollen belly so Jensen could feel the foetus kicking. It was then that Jensen actually registered that there was a life growing inside his mother in a way he hadn't before. It amazed him and from that moment he knew that he would always love the child growing there. He remembers being concerned, wondering why the baby was kicking – was something wrong? When he'd asked his mother had given the beautiful, loving smile she seemed to have reserved solely for her children and told him: _“There's nothing wrong Jensen, that's just baby's way of saying hello.”_ Hearing this Jensen had beamed and leaned down closer to his mothers stomach wanting to get as close as possible until he thought his new sibling would be able to hear him before speaking _“Hey baby! I'm your big-brother Jensen. I can't wait to meet you, I know we're gonna be best friends. I don't have many friends, daddy doesn't like it but that's o.k., I've got you now and when you get bigger we can play games and have all kinds of fun! . . . Joshy . . . Joshy can't play with us anymore though . . . he. . . he loved games . . . I miss Joshy . . . he had to go away, but you don't have to worry cos I'm not going anywhere. I'm always gonna be there to play with you and look after you like a good brother so you need to hurry up and get big so you can see me, and mommy, and . . . and daddy too.” Leaning down further Jensen pressed a small kiss to his mother's pregnant stomach and whispered “I love you baby._ ”

 

It became routine after that for Jensen to talk to the baby as often as possible, it got to the point where when Jensen was in the same room as his mother he'd spend more time talking to the unborn child than her, telling the baby about himself, how excited he was about meeting the child, how much he loved the baby. He wasn't the least bit disappointed when his mother told him that he'd be getting a little sister rather than a brother in fact within moments of hearing the news he'd settled on a name to call his sister until she was born and his parents picked another one themselves.

  
  


He called her Mackenzie.

  
  


But Jensen never did get to see Mackenzie, instead he was left to mourn a baby sister that had meant the world to him though she would never be born. His mother, for her part – always trying to protect Jensen from the truth – told her son that she'd had something called a miscarriage, that it was nobody's fault but the baby wouldn't be coming home with them, she was going to stay with Josh instead. Even back then Jensen had known she was lying, hiding something from him. Jensen knows know that she was covering up for _him_.

  
  


In reality, his father had seen his wife innocently chatting to the _married_ mechanic who was dropping off Alan's favorite car after the repairs where finished. Alan always was a man who felt the need to control every aspect of his life jealously and with an iron rod. So naturally Alan had seen their brief banter as a sign of his wife's unfaithfulness to him (as if she would have dared go against her psychotic husband – but then Alan's mind didn't exactly work like that of a normal human being.) He'd gotten angry, furious and accused her of having an affair. If Donna even tried to deny the false accusations Alan would hit her for 'lying' to him. Her face was a litter of bruises by the time Alan noticed her clutching her pregnant belly protectively. Donna always was a mother first and a person second – even if she knew there was no way she could ever win against her husband she still fought however uselessly to keep her children safe. Alan had taken one look at her baby bump and sneered that he wasn't prepared to raise the bastard love-child of a low-life mechanic. ( A mechanic that Jensen would point out had only moved to the town three months before whereas Donna had been in her eighth month of pregnancy – his father may have been certifiably insane but he wasn't stupid. No what he did next was purely out of spite and his overwhelming need to control his wife completely – the vindictive smirk he wore as he said the words were enough proof of that.) Alan demanded that she get rid of the baby. Donna of course had refused. She tried to reason that eight months was far too late to even consider abortion, but then Alan had money and his 'operation' to hand which basically meant that he could do whatever the hell he wanted without consequence – including dragging his heavily pregnant wife to a back-street abortion clinic and murdering his youngest child.

  
  


Jensen had been devastated when he found out that Mackenzie was gone. His mother had sunk into a deep depression in the wake of her loss – she barely ever left her room except to eat and Jensen saw less and less of his mother with each passing day. It was only his mother's presence that had kept him mostly separate from his father – separate enough for him to not yet know what the man was truly capable of. However, with her incapacitated with grief Jensen found himself laying all of his questions about his dead sister on his father – which was a very bad idea. For every question he'd asked, his father had gotten angrier and angrier, but in his childhood innocence Jensen hadn't realized what would eventually happen. The last time he asked his father had been drinking and his naturally frayed temper had finally snapped. _He threw the glass of whiskey he had been drinking in Jensen's direction – the glass shattered against the wall behind him, a shard ricocheted back to slice Jensen's cheek. The child fell to the floor in pained shock, salty tears fell unbidden to sting the fresh wound now adorning Jensen's face. His father had risen from his seat then, stalking towards the his child with a dangerous and even . . . murderous glint in his eye. “I told you to shut the fuck up – why don't you ever just shut the fuck up you little shit?” he hissed as he picked up the boy by his throat, slamming him back into the wall at least two inches off the ground. “I'm sorry daddy” Jensen tried to choke out, but the lack of oxygen from his constricted throat had the words coming out slurred. Alan's free hand came up to slap Jensen hard across the face before twisting his fingers in the child's still baby soft hair and pulling his head back hard, forcing Jensen's tear-filled and terrified eyes to look into his own cold emotionless orbs. “Sorry's not good enough this time you little bastard, if you can't learn your place. If can't follow the rules then you get punished you understand? Your mother's been coddling you far too much boy, it's time you got what's coming to you.” he snarled causing Jensen to flinch as spittle from his father's furiously spoken words landed on his face. Suddenly Alan released his hold of Jensen before grabbing him again and throwing him to the other side of the room with incredible force causing the Jensen's head to slam violently into the corner of the desk opening another deep cut on his forehead – dazed and frozen from terror Jensen could do nothing but sit and watch in horrified silence as his father approached him once more shouting: “Look at you! Pathetic! I should've put you in a box just like your retarded brother the second you learned how to speak! Well, I'm a little late but there's nothing stopping me now is there?”_ And Jensen knew for a fact that he would have – his father would've killed him that night if it were not for his mother. His mother who heard the shouting and came running to help her son. His mother who would've rather died than let Alan kill her only surviving child. His mother who pulled his father away from his terrified form and placed herself between them brandishing a kitchen knife in an attempt to fend off any move towards Jensen his father may make.

  
  


“ _Donna move out of the way you bitch!” Alan snarled._

  
  


“ _Like hell I will! You killed my Josh, our son and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop you! You forced me to abort my baby girl and I couldn't stop that either! But I'll be damned if I let you put my last baby, my Jensen in a coffin too!”_

  
  


“ _Little bastard deserves everything he's gonna get!”_

  
  


“ _He'll get nothing from you! Not while there's breath in my body! I accepted along time ago that I married a monster Alan and I've put up with everything that came out of it out of fear of what you'd do to me but not this time! I won't let you hurt him anymore you son of a bitch! You'll have to kill me first!”_

  
  


“ _You stupid slut. Is that really the way things are gonna be?”_

  
  


“ _I'm not backing down to go go cower in a corner, not this time.”_

  
  


_The smile that appeared on Alan's face then was one of pure sadistic satisfaction._

  
  


“ _So be it.”_

  
  


_Alan lunged forward to grabbed the knife from Donna's hand. Jensen crawled under the desk and covered his ears. Rocking back and forth as tears ran down his face, Jensen watched his parents fight over the weapon. Finally Alan gained the upper hand wrenching the knife from his wife's hand and driving into her stomach over and over again ignoring both her screams of agony and the torrents of blood that ran over his hand and arm every time he plunged the knife back into her body creating ever more fresh wounds. Eventually Alan seemed to shake himself of the violent rage that had overtaken him, pulling the knife from Donna's body one final time he allowed her body to fall to the floor completely still. It was pure shock that kept Jensen from screaming at the sight of his mother's dull, lifeless eyes staring up at him. “M-momma? . . .” he whispered but even then he knew that she was never going to answer him. She was gone and Jensen's whole world shattered. He was alone now and he was so scared, there was no one left to protect him from his father, no one to tuck him in at night and make him feel special and loved. At that moment Jensen wished more than anything that his mother hadn't come, that his father had killed him before she could. Jensen was torn out of his thoughts by his father's cruel voice._

  
  


“ _That never would've happened if you would've just kept quiet the first time. This was all your fault you pathetic little freak. So tell me, are you happy now? You killed your mother. You. Are you happy now?”_

  
  


_With that Alan walked out of the room leaving Jensen alone with his mother's corpse. As soon as he was gone Jensen crawled out from his hiding place and laid down with his head on his mother's still, rapidly cooling chest._

  
  


“ _Momma. I know what you meant now about daddy sending Joshy and Mac to heaven. I want to be there too. I don't wanna be here alone, please don't leave me here alone. I want to be in heaven too with you and Joshy and Mac. Momma . . . I'm sorry momma. Please don't leave me alone with him. Momma please . . . please momma . . . don't leave me . . .”_

  
  


_That's how Jensen stayed for the rest of the night crying him self to sleep clinging onto the rigid, cold body of his dead mother._

  
  


Jensen cried himself to sleep every night for a long time after his father had the body . . . disposed of. Alan, naturally found a way of twisting the loss to his favor. He made his 'grief' over his wife's 'unexpected' demise publicly known. He told people that Donna had died of a heart attack in her sleep – that she had felt no pain. The lying bastard, but what did it matter – he had enough money and resources to cover it up. Jensen often wondered if people would be as sickened as he was if they knew they were giving their sympathy to his mother's murderer. They saw a heartbroken man who had lost his entire family except for Jensen. Jensen saw a sadistic killer who had taken everyone he'd ever loved away from him one by one until he had nothing left. Even at the tender age of seven Jensen knew that he would never forgive his father for what he'd done. He hated him and always would.

  
  


Eventually Jensen stopped crying himself to sleep. A few months after the loss of his mother he'd reached a certain stage of acceptance. He realized that tears were of no use to him. Tear's wouldn't bring her back or Josh or Mackenzie. Tears wouldn't change his fate – he was fairly certain his father wouldn't try to kill him again anyway, he needed an heir to take over the company when he died (the sooner the better Jensen was bitter enough to wish) and seeing as it would be unseemly for him to remarry and have another child when he was trying to convince the world he was still so in love with his dead wife, Jensen was all he had. No, tears solved nothing – all they would serve to do is prove that Jensen was every bit as weak and pathetic as his father said he was. If he had one modem of control left then this was it – he wouldn't let his father see his weakness, he wouldn't let anybody. Never again. He refused to let his emotions be used against him, so he numbed himself to them. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't laugh or smile, get angry. He wouldn't feel. He became the perfect shell – indifferent to his surroundings, his father's actions, everything. Even the hatred that had once burned for his father had been reduced to a constant dull thrum beneath his skin. It was a part of him now, just a part he didn't acknowledge. He built walls around himself to separate himself from his surroundings. He pushed the pain and hatred behind his mask so that it wouldn't consume him – if he didn't let himself think about it then it was easier to distance himself, pretend it wasn't real so that he could keep himself safe and protected. If he couldn't feel it then it wasn't real and after a while he really couldn't feel it. That's the way he stayed for years. Self preservation allowed him to obey his father's every command. He let Alan shape him into the man's idea of his ideal son, let himself be trained, let himself become the perfect soldier.

  
  


The outside world scorned him but he couldn't care. As he grew up the kids at school got crueler with their taunts but he was numb to it. He was numb to everything.

  
  


Until _him_.

  
  


Jared Padalecki.

  
  


The boy who one day during Jensen's senior year had single-handedly destroyed every mask Jensen had painted on himself. With one simple act of kindness and a flash of that beautiful smile Jared had broke through every wall and defense Jensen had ever built for himself – and for the first time in over a decade Jensen felt.

  
  


Love is a powerful emotion. So powerful that it can encompass every part of you and that's exactly what had happened to Jensen. He had fallen in love with Jared and it felt wonderful. After spending so long thinking that he would never care about anyone or anything again he had fallen in love and no matter what he couldn't lose this feeling. He couldn't lose him. It was that conviction that lead to the beginning of the end of life as Jensen knew it.

  
  


Which brings us to Jensen's current location, his twentieth birthday party. As usual the party wasn't about him at all but rather an excuse for Alan to play the family man in front of the town. Ever since Jared had reawaken Jensen's buried feelings two years ago the hatred that Jensen held for his father had seemed to be burning hotter and hotter with each passing day. He was in the process of mentally burning a hole into the back of his father's self-satisfied head when he was approached by Jeffery Dean Morgan. Jeffery was his father's best friend and closest adviser and despite his attachment to Alan Jensen genuinely liked the man – even if he was completely oblivious his father's true nature, but then everyone was so it's not like Jensen can blame him for that.

  
  


“Jensen my boy. Happy birthday!”

  
  


“Thank you Jeffery.”

  
  


“So how's it feel to finally be a man.”

  
  


“Honestly? Not too different than how I felt last year and as for being a man? I'm not sure I'll ever be one in the eyes of my father.”

  
  


“Ah yes, your father . . .”

  
  


As he spoke Jeffery's eyes wandered over to Alan's form schmoozing some of the older ladies of the town. Taking a breath as though he had come to some great decision Jeffery continued.

  
  


“He's quite the charmer isn't he? What's that old Shakespeare quote again? 'False face must hide what the false heart doth know'?”

  
  


“Macbeth.”

  
  


“Precisely. That's one of the things I always liked about you Jensen you're very astute. Well, he does play the part of looking like 'the innocent flower' but that's a serpent if ever I saw one.”

  
  


Jensen was speechless. Did Jeffery know? Is that what he was hinting at?

  
  


“You know? You know what he's really like.”

  
  


“That I do. You don't get to be as close to Alan as me and not know these things. Everything he's done, the murders, the rapes, theft. Every seedy little crime he's ever committed and it sickens me, has for a long time. The sad thing is, I used to look up to your father. I respected him like a brother, but now? Knowing what he's done, what he's capable of I'm ashamed to even know the man. Jensen you must understand that I've known about him for years hell I'm in charge of that 'operation' of his but I never wanted to be. I wanted to take him down, but as you well know your father can be very . . . persuasive. I was afraid and I'm ashamed of that. That I was so chicken-shit I'd rather help him do the things he does rather than try to stop him. I'm so sorry Jensen.”

  
  


“No need to apologize Jeffery. I know what he's like, plus as you well know he has the police and FBI in his pocket - whether they actually know about that is irrelevant.”

  
  


“His 'operation' – a true work of genius.”

  
  


“Poor bastards, they don't even know what they've really gotten themselves into.”

  
  


“So who is he?”

  
  


Startled by the sudden change of topic Jensen took a few seconds to respond.

  
  


“W-who?”

  
  


“The boy you're in love with. The one who's put the light back in your eyes. Let you feel again. I'm not stupid Jensen, you mentioned a boy who helped you at school two years ago and ever since then you've been different. More open. Happy.”

  
  


“Promise me that you won't tell my dad.”

  
  


“Jensen you know me a hell of a lot better than your father does, so you know I never would. So then who is he? Where is he?”

  
  


“His name's Jared. He's still at school, a few years younger than me y'know? But that's o.k., I've been checking in on him every now and then. He's doing good. I think I'm gonna wait until he graduates before I try asking him out again though, give him time to finish up school and exams and stuff. . .”

  
  


“You really love him don't you?”

  
  


“More than anything.”

  
  


“He's a good influence on you.”

  
  


“What do you mean? Technically we're not even dating.”

  
  


“I'm not blind Jensen. I can see the effect meeting him has had on you. You're happier, freer. No, I'm not blind, but unfortunately neither is your father.”

  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  


“Your father's a very controlling man Jensen. He doesn't like anything that doesn't conform to his will – so if he thinks there's something, anything taking away total control from him, he will do anything in his power to remove it. I think you know what I'm getting at Jensen.”

  
  


“If he so much as touches Jared I swear to god . . .”

  
  


“What Jensen? What will you do? What would you do protect Jared? This boy whose given you back the humanity _he_ took from you. The boy you love. How far are you willing to go to save him?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hard backhand across the face Jensen received for his blatant sarcasm came as no surprise to him, wiping the blood from the slight cut Alan just had opened at the corner of his mouth Jensen resolved that it was the last drop his father would ever draw from him. Or anyone else for that matter.

 

_(Thirteen years ago.)_

  
  
  


“Your father's a very controlling man Jensen. He doesn't like anything that doesn't conform to his will – so if he thinks there's something, anything taking away total control from him, he will do anything in his power to remove it. I think you know what I'm getting at Jensen.”

  
  


“If he so much as touches Jared I swear to god . . .”

  
  


“What Jensen? What will you do? What would you do protect Jared? This boy whose given you back the humanity _he_ took from you. The boy you love. How far are you willing to go to save him?”

  
  


“I'll do whatever it takes.”

  
  


“You sound so sure.”

  
  


“I am. For Jared, I'd do anything. Id face anything. It's not even something I have to consider – keeping Jared safe is what's most important to me and I know it always will be. So yes, I'm sure. Yes, I'd do anything.”

  
  


“I want you to really think about this Jensen, look me in the eyes and tell me if you're really sure. You have to be absolutely certain Jensen. I know I said I can't do anything to stop him – not now, not at my age – but you can, as long as you're sure. There's no coming back from this Jensen, once you've decided that's it – game over, so I'm gonna ask you one last time – are you absolutely 100% certain?”

  
  


Jensen Looked Jeffery straight in the eye, the conviction in his voice never wavering or faltering when he answered steady and sure.

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


The concern on Jeffery's handsome face disappeared instantly to be replaced by a bright, if slightly calculating smile.

  
  


“Well then, It seems we have a lot of work to do.”

  
  


\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

  
  


Jeffery was Ex Special Ops, so the high intensity of the training he received came as no surprise to Jensen. He followed Jeff's every order, every command without hesitation – that, at least, he was used to after years of allowing his father to control every single aspect of his life. The training he was undergoing now though was for an undoubtedly better cause – rather than allowing himself to be transformed into 'Daddy's perfect little soldier' he was preparing to eliminate a monster. The town was finally going to be rid of the evil that had been burning at the heart of it for years and that was all going to be down to Jensen. The community that had scorned and hated him for years? He was doing them a favor – ridding the world of Alan Ackles was the greatest gift anyone could bestow upon it, and when he thought about it like that, when he remembered what he was really doing, really achieving by preparing for patricide then the deeply ingrained fear and uncertainty he felt eased. In all honesty what jury would convict him? Who could hold him accountable for what he was about to do if they knew the truth? No one. He was about to become a fucking hero not a murderer, anyone could see that . . . anyone who knew the full story, hell they'd probably give him a medal if they knew. If anyone knew. This . . . this was forgivable, understandable – this one act didn't make him a killer, he wasn't cold-blooded. He wasn't his father . . . no this was different, he was doing this to help people not take from them - he wasn't like his father. But he couldn't deny that's exactly what it felt like, following in Daddy's footsteps, becoming a monster, a murderer. As feeble and over used as his excuses were he might have been able to convince himself of them if it weren't for the fact that every time he looked in the mirror now it wasn't his own face he saw reflected back at him, but his father's. Since he'd begun to feel again, the hate he felt for his father had grown with each passing second and yet still, ever since he'd agreed to Jeffery's 'proposition' so had his sense of sense disgust. He hated his father with a vengeance, but what exactly was he preparing to turn himself into to for the sake of that hatred? Would he even be able to live with himself after, knowing what he'd done. Jensen honestly wasn't sure. But then . . . then he thought of Jared. Of strong, beautiful Jared who had given him some semblance of a life back even if he didn't know it. His love for Jared burned with same intensity of his hatred for his father, but while the hate forced his thoughts to cruelty and darkness, his love for Jared made him want to protect and nurture. The very thought of losing Jared like he had his mother, of his father taking away the only person he had ever loved completely had the fire inside of anger inside of him spreading out into an inferno.

  
  


His father was a cruel, selfish and controlling man, he wouldn't even blink at the thought of killing Jared purely so that Jensen couldn't have his love. Jensen couldn't let that happen. No matter how scared he was of becoming like his father – no matter what he may become or what may happen after, he had to protect Jared.

  
  


He needed to keep the man he loved safe.

  
  


For Jared he could find the strength to do this.

  
  


Jared was his strength.

  
  


He wouldn't back down.

  
  


\- - - - - - - - - -

  
  


Four months after his training with Jeffery had begun and Jensen was nearly ready. He had excelled at every challenge and technique Jeff had thrown at him – he could fight like a pro and take down an opponent in hand to hand combat in mere seconds, he could take cover even in open spaces and become almost imperceptible to anyone before attack. Everything that Jeffery's training had demanded of him he had met and more . . . all except for one . . .

  
  


“You still having trouble with your aim son?”

  
  


Jeffery's voice broke through Jensen's musings.

  
  


“No, no. I can do it. Just give me a minute. I'll get it. I can do this . . . really.”

  
  


Jensen lifted the gun in his hand again and took aim at the human shaped, silhouetted target. He tried, he really did try to keep his aim steady and get it right, but he just couldn't. His hand – just like every other time he'd tried – shook violently. He couldn't do it. He wasn't strong enough. He was weak, broken – everything his father had ever accused him of being. His father was right all along. The He bastard was right. Letting out a sigh Jensen lowered the gun and dropped it on the near by table. Turning to Jeffery with sad resigned eyes he hadn't even formed a full world before the older man interrupted him.

  
  


“No! You are not quitting on me Jensen. Not when you're this close. I told you there was no going back once you made this decision Jensen and I meant it.”

  
  


“I can't do it Jeff. I . . . I'm not strong enough – I thought I was, but I'm not.”

  
  


“And who told you that? Your father? Jensen look at me. I know you. I've spent the past four months training you. I know your capabilities so believe me when I say you can do this . . . It just takes a little time to get into the right head-space that's all.”

  
  


“But we don't have time Jeff. What if my father already knows about Jared? What then? He could be planning something right now and I won't be able to stop it. I wont be able to stop him all because I can't keep my hand steady long enough to fire a fucking gun!”

  
  


“O.k. I see your point. So let's go over the rules again shall we? See if we can get you in the right frame of mind for this. Countdown from five – what are the rules Jensen?”

  
  


“Number five – keep the element of surprise, never give your enemy the advantage, always take it for yourself. Number four – keep your weapon locked and loaded at all times. Number three – assume every situation is kill of be killed. Number two – never turn your back on your enemy.”

  
  


“Very good Jensen – now what's number one? The golden rule, what is it?”

  
  


“Rule number one – never show your weakness.”

  
  


“Again.”

  
  


“Never show your weakness.”

  
  


“Again.”

  
  


“Never show weakness.”

  
  


“What mustn't you show?”

  
  


“Weakness.”

  
  


“Good. Very good. Now, the real question. Can you do it? Can you stop your weakness from showing?”

  
  


“I don't know.”

  
  


“Try. You lived for years under self-built walls and masks until your boy came onto the scene. Now they're gone, you're raw and vulnerable, emotionally exposed. Weakened. You need to find your wall. Do it for Jared. This is to protect him. Find your wall and cover your fear.”

  
  


“It's not that easy.”

  
  


“Yes it is.”

  
  


“No.”

  
  


“You did it for years.”

  
  


“That was before.”

  
  


“Before what?”

  
  


“Before I had something to live for. Before I had a reason to feel. To love.”

  
  


“You want to lose that feeling? You want to lose Jared?”

  
  


“No, of course not.”

  
  


“That's exactly what's going to happen if you don't try. Find your mask!”

  
  


“I can't do it on command!”

  
  


“O.k. Then. Think about your father. How do you feel about him?”

  
  


“I despise that son of a bitch!”

  
  


“Good. That's very good, now use it. That hatred, that anger use it! Think about what he did to your family, your mother. What he'll do to Jared the first chance he gets. Can you see it?”

  
  


“Yes.” Jensen gritted out through clenched teeth.

  
  


“How does it make you feel?”

  
  


“Like killing the bastard as slowly and painfully as possible.”

  
  


“Good. Excellent – use it! Focus on the target – imagine it's him. Use your anger as a barricade. Do what needs to be done!”

  
  


As he spoke Jeffery picked up the gun and placed it in Jensen's hand before turning him towards the target once more. Jensen looked towards the gun and then the target. He could feel the rage and hate burning in his veins. His father was responsible for every single piece of misery and pain Jensen had ever experienced in his life. He'd taken everyone Jensen had ever loved away – his mother, Josh, Mackenzie – he wasn't going to take Jared too, Jensen wouldn't let him. This ends here. He had to save Jared. He could do this. He would do this. As he looked at the target Jensen heard his father's voice in his head clear as day. He heard the cruel words echoed from his childhood all over again. The words that once upon a time he'd believed.

  
  


“ _This was all your fault you pathetic little freak. So tell me, are you happy now? You killed your mother. You. Are you happy now?”_

  
  


“No! It wasn't my fault you son of a bitch! I didn't kill her! You did! It was all you!”

  
  


He fired the gun – the bullet pierced straight through the target in the center of the head like it never had before. Perfect shot.

 

Turning back to Jeff he saw the man smiling with pride.

  
  


“Well done Jensen. You're finally ready.”

  
  


Rather than the relief he would of felt before, Jensen could only feel the red-hot anger and hatred still searing through his veins. That bastard was going to pay for every single thing he'd done – a bullet just wasn't enough.

  
  


“No Jeffery. Not yet – there's still one more thing I need you to teach me.”

  
  


“What do you mean?” Jeffery asked, obviously confused.

  
  


“I need you to teach me how to use the knives.”

  
  


\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

  
  


It was mere days later when it happened. Jensen had kept himself prepared for the moment it would, always had his supplies close to hand and easily accessible - he really would've made an excellent boy scout had he ever been given the chance. He was lying on his bed, drifting between sleep and consciousness when his father's voice boomed through the house.

  
  


“Jensen! Come down to the lounge! There's something we need to discuss!”

  
  


He knew that tone. His father meant business and Jensen knew that no matter what happened now, there was no coming back from it. Rising slowly from the bed Jensen stopped to pick up the full syringe laid out on the bedside cabinet and tuck it into the inside pocket of his jacket before he finally left the room to face his father and what was to come.

  
  


As he entered the room Jensen took in the sight of the open whiskey bottle set out on the coffee table with disdain. Alcohol. Great, that's going to do wonders for Alan's already erratic temper he thought. Stopping just inside the door Jensen stood to attention and waited for his father to address him as was the usual drill whenever he was called for a 'talk'. Finally Alan turned towards him with eyes cold as steel before he spoke with that familiar icy tone that given the circumstances of what was to happen soon somehow didn't quite manage to be quite as imposing as it once was.

  
  


“Jensen.”

  
  


“Father. Or is it sir today?”

  
  


The hard backhand across the face Jensen received for his blatant sarcasm came as no surprise to him, wiping the blood from the slight cut Alan just had opened at the corner of his mouth Jensen resolved that it was the last drop his father would ever draw from him. Or anyone else for that matter.

  
  


“Don't backchat me boy! You should know your place by now so stick to it you worthless piece of shit!”

  
  


“I'm sorry father, I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again.”

  
  


“See that it doesn't.”

  
  


“You wanted to speak to me about something father?”

  
  


“Ah yes . . . that. You see Jensen It seems your actions of late have proved you to be a . . . disappointment. Well, more than usual anyway, but then the other mistakes I can just about overlook – this fault however is of a more serious nature. Serious enough to threaten our public image. My little birds have been tweeting like crazy and I've been hearing some very interesting things. Things about you, and if they know then it's not to far of a stretch to imagine that the whole town could find out too.”

  
  


“May I ask what it is about me that is so . . . displeasing at the moment.”

  
  


Alan let out a humorless laugh.

  
  


“What did I teach you Jensen? What have all these years of training been about?”

  
  


“So that I could take over the company from you someday. Run it just the way you taught me.”

  
  


“Yes but that's obviously not what's going to happen is it?”

  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  


“I raised you to follow the standards that I set. The rules that I set. You were trained to be a figure head. A role model to the community just like me, but it seems your . . . preferences have compromised that goal. You're . . . homosexuality casts a negative light on us. On me.”

  
  


“I thought the company was all about accepting diversity. It looks good if you're seen to be tolerant of difference. Weren't you the one that taught me that?”

  
  


“Not my son! We present a family image, which means that you can't go flaunting your sick fantasy's in front of everybody. Tolerance is just a bullshit front we put up to draw the pathetic, gullible townsfolk further into our web. You know that. You do know that don't you?”

  
  


“Yes sir.”

  
  


“Just like you know your way of life can't continue don't you?”

  
  


“Yes sir.”

  
  


“Good. Luckily for you this is fixable. I can make sure no one knows and we won't be impacted in anyway by your mistakes. Although, I'm sure you agree that it's better if we remove temptation from your path. I know Jensen. I know about the boy you've become . . . infatuated with. This, Jared – he has to be removed. It's the only way we'll be able to fully sell that your completely . . . normal.”

  
  


And there it was. The marker. The gunfire at the start of a race. He knew that his father wouldn't be able to resit shoving it in his face when he found out about Jared. That he would want Jensen to know that he was going to hurt the boy Jensen loved. So now it was show time and Jensen knew exactly how to take it from here. Trying not to let the anger bubbling just under the surface show Jensen kept his voice steady as he answered.

  
  


“Of course father. It's for the best.”

  
  


“I'm glad you see it my way Jensen. I'll have plans made to . . . deal, with the boy tomorrow.”

  
  


“Fine.”

  
  


“That's all I wanted to say to you, so you can fuck off outta my sight now.”

  
  


Alan turned his back on Jensen who stayed stood exactly where he was, fingering the syringe in his pocket.

  
  


“Father, there's just one more thing I need to say.”

  
  


“What?”

  
  


Alan answered without turning back towards his son. Big mistake. Jensen crept up behind his father, pulling out the syringe as he did. When he got close enough Jensen grabbed Alan from behind and plunged the syringe into his neck, forcing the drug into the vein of his father's neck. Just before Alan stopped struggling and went limp in his arms Jensen whispered into his ear.

  
  


“You don't control me. Not any more.”

  
  


\- - - -

  
  


When Alan awoke he was strapped to a chair in the soundproof basement. He tried to speak but the tape covering his mouth prevented it. Taking in his surroundings he saw Jensen stood by a table covered with tools sharpening a large and very familiar knife. It was one of his personal favorites. As he watched Jensen continue with his task, he noted that within a couple of seconds Jensen must have sensed he was awake, for his whole body went stiff for a moment before he relaxed again, a small smile tugging at his lips. Moments later Jensen began to sing softly, the song familiar in it's childlike innocence.

  
  


“Hush, little baby, don't say a word,  
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird. 

 

And if that mockingbird don't sing,  
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring. 

 

And if that diamond ring turn brass,  
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass. 

 

And if that looking glass gets broke,  
Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat. 

 

And if that billy goat don't pull,  
Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull. 

 

And if that cart and bull turn over,  
Papa's gonna buy you a dog named Rover. 

 

And if that dog named Rover won't bark.  
Papa's gonna to buy you and horse and cart. 

 

And if that horse and run away,  
Papa's gonna to buy you another some day.”

  
  


As the nursery song winded down Jensen finally turned his attention towards the bound and gagged man.

  
  


“Fascinating concept behind such a sweet song isn't it? It says a lot about social norms – a father promises his child the world so long as it stays quiet. So long as it follows the rules and conforms to the wishes of it's patriarch. Sounds familiar doesn't it _dad._ I never wanted for anything money-wise, and I got instant rights to the company just so long as I towed the line. Did everything you said without complaint – because we both know what happens when somebody tried to go against you don't we? Still that's all going to change tonight.”

  
  


Jensen stopped and touched the knife he held with a look of utter fascination on his face. Stepping forward he placed the knife under Alan's chin forcing his captives head up to meet his eyes.

  
  


“You know Jeffery did such a good Job teaching me all his techniques. This was his his idea, but still he holds enough sentimentality over you to insist I did this quick, bullet to the brain. Done. Simple. Fortunately . . . or unfortunately in your case I hold no such fondness for you and never did. You see a bullet? It's too quick. Too painless. You? You deserve to suffer and you will. Every single thing you've done, every life you've taken you're going to repay in your own blood – only then will I let you die. The only question is how. So many options and no mercy in sight. So, seeing as we have the equipment and pretty much all the time in the world well . . .”

  
  


Jensen leaned in dangerously close until the two were sharing the same air.

  
  


“ . . . We can afford to get a little creative can't we?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now as much I love having you actually shut the fuck up for more than five minutes, this isn't going to be half as much fun for me if I can't hear you scream, so I'm giving you back the use of your mouth – but let me make myself perfectly clear, you piss me off and I'm gonna slit your vocal chords then sew your throat back up before you can bleed out. Understood?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for torture and minor character death.

_(Thirteen years ago.)_

  
  
  


Jensen stopped and touched the knife he held with a look of utter fascination on his face. Stepping forward he placed the knife under Alan's chin forcing his captives head up to meet his eyes.

  
  


“You know Jeffery did such a good Job teaching me all his techniques. This was his idea, but he still he holds enough sentimentality over you to insist I did this quick, bullet to the brain. Done. Simple. Fortunately . . . or unfortunately in your case I hold no such fondness for you and never did. You see a bullet? It's too quick. Too painless. You? You deserve to suffer and you will. Every single thing you've done, every life you've taken you're going to repay in your own blood – only then will I let you die. The only question is how. So many options and no mercy in sight. So, seeing as we have the equipment and pretty much all the time in the world well . . .”

  
  


Jensen leaned in dangerously close until the two were sharing the same air.

  
  


“ . . . We can afford to get a little creative can't we?”

  
  


Alan's furious words were kept trapped and muffled behind the tape that covered his mouth. The man's face was turning a deep shade of red with the effort of trying to make his tirade audible, causing a harsh laugh to rip from Jensen's throat at the spectacle before him.

  
  


“Sorry, what? I didn't quite catch that . . . Not nice nice is it? Not having a voice I mean. Having no say in what happens to you. Having your whole life controlled and having everything taken away from you while all you can do is watch. Powerless. Helpless. All the while you're screaming and shouting, but no one listens. _You_ never listened to me, not once - so why the hell should I listen to you now? . . . No, you're going to know how it feels. You really think you can just go around and do whatever the hell you want and there'd be no consequences? One rule for you and another for everyone else? Life doesn't work that way you spiteful son of a bitch – you're going to learn that. You're going to pay for everything you've done. As for me? Well, we're going to have a lot of fun because I get to play judge, jury and . . . executioner. Take a good look at me now _dad._ Take a good look at the monster you see before of you. Your son. Your killer – and know that he is entirely your creation.”

  
  


Stepping back from Alan, Jensen placed the knife down on the table to the side of him before turning back towards his father.

  
  


“Now as much I love having you actually shut the fuck up for more than five minutes, this isn't going to be half as much fun for me if I can't hear you scream, so I'm giving you back the use of your mouth – but let me make myself perfectly clear, you piss me off and I'm gonna slit your vocal chords then sew your throat back up before you can bleed out. Understood?”

  
  


With that moved forward and quickly pulled the duct tape from Alan's mouth.

  
  


Predictably, as soon as Alan's mouth was free the man's fury erupted so spectacularly it made Mount Vesuvius look tiny in it's wake.

  
  


“Jensen! Just what the fuck do you think you're doing you worthless little bastard? You trying to prove a point, that it? Because all you're doing is making me really, really fucking angry! You can't even imagine all the ways I'm going to make your life hell for this!”

  
  


“Language Alan, language – and really, as for making my life a living hell, don't worry you've been doing a perfectly adequate job of that for years.”

  
  


“You let me out of here right now you spineless creep!”

  
  


“Ooh spineless and worthless – you really are trying to piss me off aren't you? Go ahead and keep digging that hole of yours and we'll see what happens when I finally lose that last scrap of patience I have left.”

  
  


“You little shit! I said let me go!”

  
  


“And I said no – this isn't a game Alan, in fact it isn't even revenge anymore. No, what's going to happen here is so much more than that – this is about so much more than me and how much I fucking despise you. This is for everyone you've ever hurt – everyone whose life you've ruined, destroyed without a thought. This is for every life you've taken – for every family you've left broken and desperate. This is justice.”

  
  


“And what would you know about justice? You're weak, worthless, and you're not fooling me. Not for a second. You're not going to go through with this. You won't be able to. You'll back out in the end like the pathetic coward you are!”

  
  


As Alan spoke his words fueled the fire of loathing growing in Jensen's chest. It spread like poison through his heart until finally his resolve snapped. Grabbing the older man's bound hand he quickly bent it back until he heard the bone of Alan's wrist break with a sickening crack. As fast as he had taken it Jensen released the hand as though the contact burned him. Stepping back Jensen listened to Alan's pained screams with barely contained pleasure.

  
  


“You little shit! You little fucking shit! Look what you did to me! Damn it I am your father and you will show me the respect of acknowledging me when I speak to you!”

  
  


“No!” Jensen shouted, whirling back around and advancing on the man who had been the bane of his existence for far too long.

  
  


“No! You are not my father! You don't get to call yourself that! Not after everything you've done you evil, sadistic bastard! A father is supposed to care for his children, not murder them! Love them, not torture them! So you listen to me you son of a bitch and you listen good! We may share the same blood, but you are not my father and you never were! Family is earned through love and trust – neither of which I will ever feel for you! Jeffery has been more of a father to me than the murdering bastard facing me now. I respect him. I never respected you.”

  
  


“Liar! . . .”

  
  


“Fear is not the same as respect! I was just a kid when I saw you for what you really are! Of course I was terrified! So much that I let the fear take over, I let you have the total control you wanted. I put up with it because it was easier – because for a seven year old boy fighting back against his patriarch isn’t even an option . . . but everything is different now. I’m not that scared little boy anymore. You don’t frighten me. Not anymore. I’m the one in control now. I hold the power here – and I’m gonna make damn sure that you never hurt another person that I love ever again.”

  
  


Alan scoffed at that.

  
  


“I presume we are talking about that boy you're infatuated with here? You love him Jensen? Really? Do you even know what real love is?”

  
  


“Well you sure as hell don't.”

  
  


“I know more about it than you. I know more about life than you – I mean really, do you honestly think that you have a chance with him? That he'd ever be interested in a freak like you?”

  
  


“Shut up.”

  
  


“The answer is no Jensen, I mean, why would he? What the fuck could a boy like that possibly see in . . . you?”

  
  


“Shut up! Just . . . stop talking!”

  
  


“Did you ever think that killing him would have counted as me protecting you? Saving you from the inevitable rejection and heartbreak he'll leave you with?”

  
  


“Just shut the fuck up about him! You don't know him! He's not like that, so just shut up!”

  
  


“Keeping him alive will only make that pain a reality eventually – or do you plan on just stalking him from afar for the rest of his natural life like the creep are? All because you can't grow a pair for long enough to do anything about your little crush. Still, I suppose it makes sense in a way – after all keeping your distance is the only way you're going to get to keep your sick little fantasy without him shooting it and you both down in flames.”

  
  


“I said shut up!” As he said the words Jensen pulled his arm back and released it in a hard punch to Alan's face sending the man's head crashing backwards into the chair from the force of the impact. From the sickening crunching sound that accompanied the blow, Jensen was certain that he had broken the man's nose. Breathing hard, Jensen attempted to get his anger under control once more. Looking to Alan a cruel smirk formed on Jensen's lips at the sight of the blood now streaming down the bastard's face.

  
  


“How about we play a little game hmm?”

  
  


Alan stared up at Jensen, incredulous.

  
  


“What the hell are you talking about?”

  
  


“Well, it just seems to me that you don't actually realize just how detrimental to your health pissing me off actually is – so I was thinking we could have a little fun teaching that particular lesson.”

  
  


“You've broken both my wrist and my nose in the past five minutes – trust me when I say that I know, you're plenty psycho!”

  
  


“Clearly not enough or you wouldn't continue to try my patience! Or are the snide remarks and overblown anger just another show? Yet another act put on to fool the world, just like everything else you've ever done. Is that it? Do you not think that I can tear down that facade of yours and leave you the terrified, pathetic excuse for a man you really are? Do you think I won't? Because if you do then you're sorely mistaken. I will break that mask of yours Alan and I will have you begging for your life before this night is out – you can count on that. So, now that we've established tonight's goals – how about we start with that game I was talking about? That sound good to you?”

  
  


“W-what? What are you planning in that fucked-up head of yours?”

  
  


“Was that a stutter? Ooh that's good. That's very, very good. That fear you're feeling right now? Remember it like a memory of heaven because it's only going to get worse from here on. As for my game? Well, I think it's time we started breaking down some of those walls of lies you've built around yourself over the years. Starting with the basics. Just take a moment to think Alan. Think of how your precious town sees you, of everything they think you are and then think how it's all lies. Every single piece of this perfect life you've built for yourself is totally and completely fake. You are totally and completely fake. They think you're the perfect gentle man – lie. They think you're an amazing family man – lie. A good husband – lie. A good _father_ – lie. That you deserve your empire - lie. That it was built on honesty and integrity – lie, lie, lies! All of it. And one of the biggest lies of all? The one that really makes me laugh? They actually think you're a model for religious values! You! Why, I'm pretty sure that counts a blasphemy. I mean really think of any sin and you've done it and then, then! You go around preaching to everyone who's too dumb to see you for what you really are about how 'God will strike them down' if they commit acts of evil. Acts that you commit on a regular basis! And all of those . . . fucking sheep out there just lap it up. They're all to blind to see the blatant hypocrisy that's right in front of there noses. They treat you like a fucking prophet,and not one of them knows that your 'do as I say not as I do' attitude towards morality bought you a one way ticket to hell years ago.”

  
  


“And you think you've escaped? Look at what you're doing know Jensen. You think that just because you dress it up as a righteous act and call it 'justice' that it's somehow different? No, what you're doing now is every bit as selfish and ungodly as you claim I am. So don't get too comfortable on that high-horse of yours Jensen because by cashing in my ticket to the eighth ring downstairs? You've gained your own.”

  
  


“Maybe so – but at least I have the pleasure of sending you there first. That's enough for me – it'll always be enough for me. And you know? As much as you try to twist my actions and words – at least I don't pretend to be something I'm not. I never claimed to be the perfect, respectable, religious influence of the town No, you did that so now I'm going to make you understand that no matter what you think you can't just get away it. You can't just do whatever you want and screw the consequences because there are consequences and you're about to find that out. So – here's the deal. . .”

  
  


Jensen approached Alan once more and made quick work of breaking both of his thumbs and the index finger of his left had. Resolutely ignoring the screams of pain Jensen continued.

  
  


“You now have seven functioning fingers correct? O.k. now, seeing as you've lead such a model lifestyle – or at least to the public eye anyway – what's about to happen shouldn't be a problem for you. So, - I'm going to list off seven names and your going to tell me under which of the seven deadly sins they became your victims, understand? Let's see how good you are at remembering the faces and names of the people you've destroyed.”

  
  


“What happens if I get it wrong?”

  
  


Jensen laughed at that. Picking up a sharp and lethal-looking pair of wire cutters off the bench beside him Jensen twirled them in his fingers for a moment before looking Alan dead in the eye.

  
  


“Oh come on it shouldn't really be that hard to figure out now should it? You give me a wrong answer, you lose a finger. Simple. Shall we begin?”

  
  


“What? Wait.”

  
  


“Jamie Richardson. You remember him? More importantly do you remember what you did to him?”

  
  


“I . . .”

  
  


“Clock's ticking Alan.”

  
  


“Umm . . . pride?”

  
  


“Wrong! Jamie was your boss back when you first started the business. He taught you everything you know and he told you that if you put the effort in that when the day came for him to step down you'd be first in line to replace him, and then . . . and then, when you had that kind of power, that kind of influential business then the world would basically be handed to you on a silver platter But you didn't want to earn your place the right way. No that was too much hard work. So you got rid of him, the fastest and easiest way you could think of. You killed him so that you could take what was his rather than have to earn it. Now what does that sound like to you?”

  
  


“S-sloth.”

  
  


“Exactly. But it's too late to realize that now. You got it wrong, and you know what's gotta happen don't you?”

  
  


“No. Jensen. No Don't!”

  
  


“Keep begging. It just makes this all the more enjoyable for me.”

  
  


Ignoring Alan's pleas Jensen took the wire cutters and made quick work of removing the index finger of Alan's right hand.

  
  


“Amy Cooper.”

  
  


“Fuck! I don't know.”

  
  


“Not good enough! Give me an answer or I'm gonna take another anyway!”

  
  


“I Don't know! Envy?”

  
  


“And the answer we were looking for was lust! Figures you wouldn't remember every single one of you're rape victims but then most of them were women. I just thought that maybe the only fourteen girl you forced yourself on might stick in your memory. I guess I was wrong. You took both her virginity and her life when you were done. The finger I'm taking from you know barely even competes.”

  
  


This went on for another half and hour and in all that time Alan never got a single answer right. Jensen held true to his promise to make Alan suffer and after five hours of reminding the man of every piece of misery and destruction he'd ever inflicted and torturing him in kind, Alan was a bloody mess of cuts, missing fingers, missing teeth, ears and one eye. He was barely alive, breathing shallowly and wearing more of his blood than was now pumping through his veins. Seeing the man broken and defeated Jensen felt . . . at peace. He knew now for certain that Alan would never hurt anyone again. It was finally time for him to put his nightmare to rest. Picking Alan's limp head off his chest Jensen stared straight into his one remaining eye and said quietly.

  
  


“It's over. Mom, Mackenzie, Josh and . . . and even Jared. This is for them. I'm letting you die to end it. For them. I couldn't save the others but I can do this in time to spare him. You'll never hurt anyone again, not where you're going.”

  
  


Leaning in closer Jensen whispered.

  
  


“Say hi to Lucifer for me, I'm sure you two are going to be the best of friends.”

  
  


Then he took the blade he was holding and slit Alan's throat, watching as more blood poured from the man's body and the light finally faded from his eye. He was gone. Alan Ackles was dead – and Jensen was finally free to live.

  
  


\- - - -

  
  


After three weeks of Alan's disappearance the company was officially handed over to Jensen and he vowed to use it better than his father had. He would earn his money honestly and stay away from his father's . . . extra-curricular activities. The only indulgence he did allow was his continued protection of Jared. Whether he knew it or not, the man was always going to be Jensen's main priority and he would do whatever it took to keep his love safe. That need became even sharper precisely a week after inheriting the company when Jeffery tracked him down to talk.

  
  


“Jensen.”

  
  


“Jeffery – I trust everything was . . .taken care of.”

  
  


“In regards to the disposal of the body? Yes. I must say though Jensen the man was a mess. What the hell did you do to him?”

  
  


“Nothing less than he deserved.”

  
  


“Regardless that kind of ferocity is dangerous. You want to watch you keep that in check.”

  
  


“I'm not my father . . . I would never . . .”

  
  


“I know! I know! I know you'd never intentionally hurt an innocent. I'm just saying that if you felt the situation called for it you might. . .”

  
  


“I wouldn't.”

  
  


“Not even for Jared?”

  
  


“What?”

  
  


“Jensen, God knows this isn't how I wanted to bring this up but your father's 'operation' still exists. They're still loyal even if they don't know who Alan really was or what they were really into . . . and If Alan mentioned anything about Jared to them . . . they may feel it best to take the situation into their own hands.”

  
  


“They wouldn't dare!”

  
  


“And how wouldn't they? They have no experience with you Jensen, they don't know what you're capable of. . . I think maybe you should set an example. Just to be sure. Do you think you can handle that?”

  
  


“If this is the only way to erase the last lingering traces of my father and ensure Jared's safety? Just tell me what to do.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What exactly do you think will happen if I do? Do you honestly think that you'll be magically cured? That the darkness growing inside of you will just disappear? It doesn't work that way Tom. It's a part of you now and it's never going away. I talk from experience when I say that the only thing you can do is suck it up and get on with it – the black mark on your soul is permanent, how you deal with it is your choice.”

_(Now)_

“So go ahead Tom. Call me a monster. Tell me that what I did was wrong. Tell me that I ruined _your_ life. Look me in the eye and tell me that what I did to you was so much worse than what my father did to countless innocent people. What you and the others helped him do. Dense little puppets that you were, you still jumped to attention whenever he clicked his fingers and whatever you believe, that makes you every bit as responsible as him whether you knew it or not.”

Jensen stared defiantly at the armed man before him, refusing to back down even as pain in his leg worsened and he felt the blood pouring from the neglected bullet wound and down his shin. It didn't matter though. He wouldn't give in. He could deal with the pain just like he had so many times before. This was more important. He had to stay strong, for Jared's sake. He didn't care about his own life – hadn't for a long time. But Jared - Jared was a different story. Tom wasn't going to do anything to hurt the man he loved in any way – that was the only thing Jensen knew for certain. He wouldn't let Tom win. Not while he was still breathing at least.

“You're a fucking liar!” Tom sneered pushing the barrel of the gun harder into the underside of Jensen's jaw.

“Am I Tom? Or are you just determined to keep lying to yourself? Keep denying what's right in front of you even though you know – deep down – you know that every word is the absolute truth.”

“You think I give a shit about your childhood? So you got daddy issues, big deal – don't project your bullshit onto me!”

“I'm not projecting anything. You really don't see it do you? What I did was to put an end to it, all of it. I had to. What? All these years you've just let yourself believe that I did it for . . . for what? The fun of it? I admit that I can be a cold, heartless bastard – but never without reason, and back then it was no different. What you and the others were doing? Whether or not you were conscious of it, it was wrong. Someone had to stop you – even without Alan around to guide you, you were dangerous. You had to be . . . dealt with.”

“Not like that! Not like that you asshole!”

“What do you want Tom? An apology? Because you won't get one from me. I don't regret what I did and yeah, maybe that does make me an asshole but at least I'm not making excuses for it. At least I'm not lying to myself or anyone else.”

“You son of a bitch! You have no idea how much I want to paint the walls with your blood right now . . .”

“So do it! What the fuck are you waiting for? You think I'm going to beg for my life? That it? Well you're going to be sorely disappointed because you know what? For all of your talk and 'big-man' attitude I am not afraid of you and if you really ever though that I would be then you must be way more stupid than you look. I mean look at you – hiding behind that gun like it's a lifeline – ooh terrifying.”

Tom pushed the gun against the Jensen's chin harder still. So hard that the sharp ridge of the barrel broke Jensen's skin causing a trickle of blood to escape and fall down to pool in the hollow of the man's throat. Jensen simply laughed.

“I'm just quaking in my boots here, honestly.”

“You're a piece of work you know that? You know exactly what I want. I want you to say it. I don't give a flying fuck how daddy messed you up or why you did what you did! I just want you to hear you say it aloud! I want you to fucking admit it!”

“What exactly do you think will happen if I do? Do you honestly think that you'll be magically cured? That the darkness growing inside of you will just disappear? It doesn't work that way Tom. It's a part of you now and it's never going away. I talk from experience when I say that the only thing you can do is suck it up and get on with it – the black mark on your soul is permanent, how you deal with it is your choice.”

“How I'm gonna deal with it is by putting a bullet straight through your brain! We'll see how arrogant and self-satisfied you are then! But only after you tell me what I want to hear – I can stretch this out all night Ackles!”

“What I did to you was tame in comparison to some of the things I've done since. I could have done so much worse and you know it.”

“What you did was bad enough.”

“Seriously? I didn't even leave any scars or lasting damage . . . well, at least not psychically anyway, mentally however – that's a different story. I really screwed you over didn't I? In fact despite what I said before this might actually be my finest work. I'm almost proud . . . Alright, fine – if you really think that this little bedtime story is going to make the nightmares go away then I suppose I'll oblige . . . If only to make you understand how wrong your theory is.”

Taking a breath Jensen continued – his tone lightly mocking in nature.

“Once upon a time in a land not too far away, there lived an evil king named Alan. He was regular Texas royalty and he knew it – unfortunately his poor, doting, unsuspecting subjects didn't know that Alan was hiding a terrible secret. He was cursed you see – a little bit like a reverse Midas touch – everything he touched withered, decayed and died. He was, simply put, a scourge upon humanity – but then . . . you already know this part so lets just skip ahead a few chapters shall we?

Well, one day Alan was feeling . . . restless. See, he didn't think that he was causing enough destruction and misery to the poor innocent people around him – but then, if the did anything more overtly cruel without some kind of insurance he'd surely be found out. Even he was no match for the power of the law on his own, and yet the desire to commit unlawful and ungodly acts continued to rage within him, spreading like a plague. So, it seemed that he had quite the conundrum to figure out, but in time, he did. It was quite simple really. You see if Alan wanted to be above the law of the land then he needed to find a way to influence it . . . or at least gain some . . . protection. So Alan called up his oldest friend and most trusted adviser Sir Jeffery Dean Morgan. He beseeched Jeffery, as a man of both military and police backgrounds to look into his many contacts and find him the best and highest trained members of a variety of special organizations, such as the FBI, CIA, SEALS and many others besides. Once this task was complete he bid Jeffery to train his selected 'warriors' further before they could be put to work in Alan's new regime - for a considerable raise on their original occupations pay of course. Now as it turns out, these poor souls that Jeffery rounded up for Alan were not only the best in their fields, they were also apparently the dumbest, most stupidly trusting and naïve agents in history because not once did any of them question the role they were to play for Alan. Every single one followed the money that was thrown at them and their undying faith in a murderer like mindless sheep. They were blind to what was always right there staring each of them in the face – they just couldn't fucking see it! And Alan - Alan used that to his advantage. He knew that he had their complete trust so he used them. He treated them like his personal lap-dogs, used them to carry out his 'runs' for him. He'd tell them the name of his next intended victim and they'd bring the poor bastards to him with a fucking bow on top. Sometimes, when Alan was feeling particularly lazy, he'd get the clueless bastards to kill his targets themselves – he encouraged them to be . . . inventive when he did. Shocking right? What's more shocking is that Alan had them so brainwashed with his incredible skills of manipulation that it honestly never crossed any of their minds that what they were doing was wrong. Alan convinced them that the people he targeted were crooks, that they wanted him dead and would stop at nothing to make it happen, that they were merely protecting him. In reality every victim was innocent – their only crime? Getting in Alan's way when he got bored. It seems that their suffering was the perfect entertainment for him and those stupid sons of bitches working under his orders were never any the wiser. Thus the last piece of Alan's perfect empire fell into place. His 'operation' had been born. It was his masterpiece. He got to do whatever the fuck he wanted – live every sadistic fantasy he ever had without once having to worry about being caught. The ex-agents that made up his 'operation' ensured that. They followed Alan's order's without question and because of their specialist training nothing could ever be pinned on either them or their commander – they were too good. Any lasting reminders of Alan's extra-curricular activities were dealt with and covered up by Jeffery – as far as the police were concerned, the growing list of disappearances were either accidents or just simply people who didn't want to be found. Nothing could be traced back to Alan. It was the perfect system and it served him well for years. The members of the 'operation' remained willfully numb to what they were really involved in for the whole of that time and Jeffery . . . well, Jeffery grew tired. He became tired of living in fear of Alan. He was sick of watching the man destroy lives and families as though it was nothing. So he decided that it was time to end the kings rein. Well for a task such as that who else could he come to for help other than the only other person in the world still breathing that knew what Alan really was. The one person who hated the man even more than Jeffery. Alan's own son no less. Now you already know this part so I won't bore you with the details again, you already know about the months of training and preparation it took before the son was finally ready to rid the world of his poisonous father. And rid the world of him he did – but his task was not yet finished. Even without the influence of Alan himself, the man's 'operation' was still very much in existence and potentially still very dangerous. So naturally it had to be stopped . . .”

Jensen paused then, looking Tom dead in the eye he asked:

“Well? Was that along the lines of what you wanted to hear Tommy?”

His voice dripped with sarcasm and Tom's mouth twisted to form an angry sneer.

“That's right Jensen – stretch it out as long as possible because you know that the second you stop is the second you die.”

“Hmm, where exactly do you think your threats are going to get you? I already told you that I'm not afraid of you and I that's not going to change so you may as well of saved your breath on that count.”

“Just keep talking you smug asshole.”

“aww, honey you say the sweetest things. So where was I again? Evil bastard of an overlord, . . . group of self-righteous pricks with their heads so far up Alan's ass they can't even see the murdering fuck-tards they were molded into . . . taking out the head asshole . . . and . . . oh yeah, now I remember. Well, like I said the fuckers had to be stopped. Only problem was, there was a lot of them so it figured that leading by example was the safest way to go . . . but I'm getting ahead of myself. So, after Alan's son took over his throne – that seems like a better place to pick up doesn't it? Well after the son, that's me you understand, took over he vowed to make good on his promise to rid the kingdom of every last trace of his father's rein – the biggest issue of course being the tyrant's 'operation'. Now the son wasn't stupid – he knew that he couldn't handle everything by himself and going in all guns blazing without a plan or some form of back-up could almost certainly be classed as suicide. So he took his time, thought it through, planned everything to the last detail. He surrounded himself with people he knew he could trust and waited until he was sure that the plans he made would work. At first the deaths of a few seemed to be the solution but after killing four of them it seemed that something . . . more obvious was required. With the deaths it was just too difficult to get the point across to it's full effect – obviously the bodies couldn't just be left, that would be sloppy and there was no way of even letting the others know without compromising everything, so as far as they were aware the deaths of their fellow men were simply . . . unexplained absences. No something more solid was needed, something that would get the point across without endangering the executor. Turns out the way to achieve this was to use the most simple but effective tool at the son's disposal. Fear. Fear is a very powerful weapon if . . . applied correctly. And that's where our poor 'hero' little Tommy comes in. Jeffery had informed the son that the strongest and best ex-agent of the group went by the rather obvious code-name T.W. He – meaning you - was basically the leader of the other members of the 'operation'. Breaking him would get the message to the others far more effectively than anything else that could have been done. Naturally the knowledge was exploited fully and T.W. Was kidnapped and brought in for some . . . retraining. Some very intensive retraining. He was locked in a fully enclosed cell for six weeks. During that time he was exposed to a variety of . . . techniques designed to break the man's spirit. It seemed the perfect solution – due to the nature of the kidnapping T.W. never saw the face of the man orchestrating his stay of misery and humiliation, so the son was free to use every method available to make sure it got through his victim's caveman skull that he was to sabotage the 'operation' he was involved in. T.W. Would put a stop to it himself permanently or there would be certain consequences. It appeared to have worked perfectly when the time came to finally release T.W. And the man did exactly as he was told without hesitation. The 'operation' was finished, T.W. Was scared into a state of complacency and even if he did want to take some form of justice he had no real information to go on when it came to his ordeal. The son's task was done – or so it had seemed. As it turns out the plan hadn't been quite as perfectly orchestrated as was thought.

Which brings out of the morbid fairy-tale and into the present.

Here.

Now.

Well, Tom you wanted me to tell you the story and now I have.

Seeing as you still insist on having that gun of yours practically lodged in my throat I guess the next move belongs to you.

So, don't keep me in suspense because I'm just dying to know. . . what happens now?”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No it doesn't. Jensen, don't you see? Even your death isn't the true ending of this story . . . oh come on Jensen, don't look so confused – surely you must know what I mean . . . after all you were the one who chose to turn all this into a fairy tale and what do all good modern fairy tales end with? They all finish on happily-ever-after, one that usually includes a . . . handsome prince, and well I think Jared fits that role very well don't you?”

“I think you know the answer to that.” Tom sneered.

Lifting the gun from under Jensen's chin he aimed the weapon between the other man's eyes.

“Although . . .” The sound of Jensen's voice startled Tom into halting his actions.

“What?”

“Well, there's just one thing that's been bugging me about this whole situation . . .”

“Stop trying to stall Jensen. It's time to die.”

As he spoke Tom flicked the safety off his firearm and prepared to shoot, only to be stopped by Jensen quickly grabbing his arm and forcing the gun downwards. Tom's hand tightened instinctively around the trigger during the struggle resulting in the smoldering bullet hole now adorning the carpet in-between the two mens bodies. Regaining his composure from the initial shock of Jensen's actions Tom pulled his hand free from Jensen's tight grip forcefully before raising it and using the but of the gun to smack Jensen across the face. Jensen didn't even flinch under the blow, merely turning his head to the side and spitting out a mouthful of blood pooled from the fresh cut on the inside of his cheek. Turning unimpressed eyes back towards Tom he asked calmly.

“That all you got?”

Tom raised his fist to hit Jensen again but Jensen blocked the move sending Tom stumbling backwards away from him.

“No. See the first hit? That one was free. After all you are the one with the gun and . . . hell, if I'm being honest I probably deserved it – but gun or no gun one more drop of my blood is gonna cost you. You can count on that.”

“Not if you're dead.”

“You know, that argument doesn't really have quite the same effect anymore. After all I'm still breathing aren't I? If you're too chicken-shit to finish what you came here for then at least have the balls to admit it.”

“Don't test me.”

“I'm not convinced. You see if you want people to be afraid of you then you have to make them believe you, back you're threats up. And that's your problem Tom – I don't believe you for a second. I don't have any reason to. I mean sure you have the gun and attitude problem but the only person that was ever in control here was me and I think deep down you know that.”

“You're wrong. No – you're fucking delusional!”

“You think? Prove it. Why don't you back up those petty little threats of yours? Why don't you try pulling that trigger again and see how far you get before I knock you on your ass and turn your own gun on you, huh? Because you know I can don't you? You know I will.”

For a few moments neither man moved – both were locked, trying to stare the other down. Finally Jensen seemed to get bored of the mini-competition of wills and broke the silence with a heavy sigh before continuing.

“You know Tom, this isn't the way I wanted things to go down here either. I mean, I tried to be nice to you. I wanted to give you your moment glory or redemption, or vengeance – whatever it was you hoped to gain from this little charade. I was happy to keep playing along, you're the one that made me change the rules – all I wanted was for you to answer me one question that's been bugging me broke into my home away from home and this whole fiasco began. Just one simple question, one simple answer, that's all I wanted and what did I get for my efforts? You, trying to blow an extra hole in my face with that fucking child's toy of a weapon you've been waving around like It's actually supposed to be intimidating. Now, that wasn't nice was it? No, in fact it was just plain rude – but given the situation I guess I can't get too angry about that now can I? So . . . now that we know I'm the one holding the upper-hand why don't we try again, huh?”

“What the hell are you talking about you fucking psycho?!”

“Oh, he breaks in waving guns and shooting people in the leg and _I'm_ the psycho?” Jensen muttered. “At least when I threaten impending death I do it with style.”

“Shut the fuck up! Tell me what you meant. What question?”

“Taking it into consideration now are we? That's nice. See how much easier this is when you play along too?”

Tom was not impressed, noticing the furious scowl on the other man's face Jensen rolled his eyes and continued, a hint of impatience creeping into his voice.

“Well, while I was telling you that little story back there per your request? There were a few . . . holes that I want you to fill in for me. For starters – fair enough, I admit to the whole kidnapping thing. Locking you up for all those months, the psychological and physical torture, the last damage – all of it was down to me . . . or it was my idea anyway. But what I don't understand is . . . I only gave the orders, that was basically my only involvement in it – I never saw who was taken to the facility, all I had was a name and not even a full one at that. You may think that was slightly . . . remiss of me, But I believed it would all be taken care of just like I asked, so didn't need to be there to hold anyone's hand or watch over everything. I was just kept informed with the occasional report of progress when it came to breaking you down – nothing more than that. Why do you think it didn't immanently register with me who you were? I mean if I had a more . . . active role in all of it do you really think I'd forget so easily? No, the entire thing was kept tightly under-wraps – I couldn't risk anyone catching a scent of what we were doing there, so I stayed away, avoided direct contact, diverted suspicion and kept up appearances . . . witch frankly just begs the question – how the hell did you know it was me?”

Tom smiled then.

“You really can't figure it out? Even with all your arrogance and self-confessed intelligence you're honestly admitting that there's something here that you still don't know? Oh, that is just too precious! Jensen Ackles – always so sure of himself, always having to be in control of everything and everyone has finally found something that he can't, And I bet it's just eating you up inside isn't it? Oh yes, not knowing is killing you – even if you don't show it . . . or, . . . or maybe this still isn't quite what it seems. I learned a long time ago never to trust anything you said or did Ackles, so how am I supposed to believe that your little speech just now, this whole thing in fact wasn't just a . . . diversion? A convenient excuse you can use to hide away the fact that you never finished the story.”

“I didn't need to. It ends here.”

Tom laughed then, causing Jensen to frown in confusion.

“No it doesn't. Jensen, don't you see? Even your death isn't the true ending of this story . . . oh come on Jensen, don't look so confused – surely you must know what I mean . . . after all you were the one who chose to turn all this into a fairy tale and what do all good modern fairy tales end with? They all finish on happily-ever-after, one that usually includes a . . . handsome prince, and well I think Jared fits that role very well don't you?”

Jensen's face closed off instantly. Anger and hatred burned in his eyes. The next words he spoke were practically growled.

“Don't you fucking dare . . .”

“What Jensen? Burst your pathetic little bubble? Not so good at listening to the truth are we? Because you know how this really ends don't you? You know that the only one of us getting there happily ever after here is me. Whether your body's cooling in a pool of your own blood by the time this is over is irrelevant – more of a bonus now really, cos see, I already have the one thing you never will – Jared's heart. And that's the only thing that really scares you isn't it Jensen? Losing him – do you even realize that you already have? That you never really had him in the first place? Whatever happened between you two meant nothing, you were at best a replacement for me and you know that's true don't you? You know that regardless of whatever else happens tonight, come morning Jared's going to be leaving here with me and even if you aren't dead by then the loss will finish you off.”

“And you call me arrogant. You really think Jared's just going to come running back to you now? Wow you know it must be really nice in whatever fantasy world you pulled that off. Get it through your thick skull – he doesn't love you anymore! You stand no chance of winning him back and that is the truth – the real truth. Jared is mine and if you know what's good for you you'll keep your hands and opinions to yourself . . .”

“STOP!”

Both men were startled out of their focused fury towards the other by one very angry sounding Jared. They turned to look at the man who had held back and watched while Tom and Jensen had scored points off each other. To say Jared looked pissed was an understatement – if looks could kill both the men in front of him would certainly of dropped dead in that instant. After taking a second to study both Tom and Jensen's faces with angry eyes Jared moved to stand between the two men before he spoke again.

“Just fucking stop. . .”

“Jare . . .”

“Shut the fuck up Tom! I think I've held my tongue long enough. It's my turn to speak now and you are damn well gonna listen! Now I kept back – I stayed out of this . . . whatever this is because it was between the two of you and frankly I didn't like the idea of getting in the middle of two pissed of psychopaths while one of them is holding a loaded gun. But that . . . I can't just ignore that! I am not prepared to just stand back while you two argue over my life! My future! I am not some fucking prize the two of you can fight your twisted little battle over! . . .”

“Jay it wasn't . . .” This time it was Jensen who interrupted and Jared swung round to face him instantly.

“No! You don't get to talk either! How dare you! How dare you speak for me like I'm not capable of voicing my own opinion! Like I can't think for myself! Neither of you have the first fucking idea just what the hell I'm really thinking right now! Don't presume to know what I'm feeling . . .”

“Jay, Jared it wasn't like that I swear baby . . .”

“Then what was it like Jensen? Answer me that? After everything you said, everything you admitted to how do you have the nerve to stand there and claim you have any say over my actions?”

“I don't have an excuse for that Jared, I really don't and I know you're beyond pissed at me right now. There's nothing I can do about that – I can't change what I did . . . but what I will say is this – everything you heard, everything I admitted to, that was my past, it doesn't effect anything here. It doesn't effect us or anything we said. You know I wasn't the nicest guy in the world, you know that – but that was before. That was before I gave you my word. I promised you I'd change and I'd never break a promise to you, you have to know that. Whatever happened in the past is exactly that, the past – it doesn't change anything.”

“Doesn't it? You killed your father Jen.”

“To protect you! And I know you heard about what that evil bastard did – even you can't honestly say that he deserved to live can you?”

“I understand why you hated him Jensen, I really do. Hell I hate him for you . . . but what you did to Tom . . .”

“That wasn't directly me. I never physically laid a hand on him and lets face it you've seen me do a lot worse . . .”

“I want to believe you so bad Jensen, I really do but I just don't know . . .”

“You want to believe him? Oh Jared please tell me you're not falling for his lies. He's playing you babe – open your eyes!”

At the sound of Tom's irritated voice Jared to turned to face the other man once more.

“Jared baby, you can't trust him. I'm the one you love, the man you were going to marry. He lied to you, kidnapped you, ruined your whole damn life you can't seriously trust him more than me. Jarebear no one will ever love you as much as me.”

“Says the man who threatened to kill me not more than an hour ago.”

“I didn't mean that baby, I never meant that – It was a ploy to get to him. You do believe me don't you?”

“I don't know what to think anymore.”

“Jared come back to me please. I still love you, I never stopped. I can take you away from this nightmare, away from him. All you have to do is let me. Don't you remember how good it was between us? How in love we were? We could have that again – you'd be safe with me. Just . . . Just come with me please. Please, baby, please.”

Looking into the eyes of the man he once loved more than anything Jared felt torn. He didn't know who to trust, what to think and then Jensen was grabbing his arm and turning him around to look into pools of calming Jade-green.

“Jay, I need you to listen to me o.k? I'm not gonna spin you any lines telling you why you have to choose me – I'm not gonna make you choose, all I'm gonna do is warn you. Don't believe him Jay. That is not the ma you fell in love with. The man you loved is as good as dead – he's never coming back Jay and no matter how hard you search you won't find any trace of him in the man behind you. Just think Jay, could the man you knew kill an innocent man without a thought? Could he turn a gun on you, the man he's supposed to love more than anything? Could he be so cold and calculating? You will never be safe with him Jay. Jay, I know you're confused as hell right now but no matter what deep down you still know that you can trust me – that I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. Think about it Jay can you honestly say the same for him?”

Looking into those beautiful green eyes, those eyes he'd fallen hopelessly in love with Jared came to his decision. He turned back to Tom just in time to hear the man's next attempt to one-up Jensen.

“Look whose talking Jay! Look at all the people he's killed! He's a fucking hypocrite! He's done far worse than me . . .”

“True, but at least he doesn't pretend to be something he's not. I know where I stand with him – with you . . . I don't even know who you are anymore cos I sure as hell don't recognize the man standing in front of me. Tom I meant it when I said I loved you enough to marry you – a part of me always will love you, but I don't love . . . you. I don't love this cold, lying monster you've turned yourself into and I never will. I loved the man you were before and he's not you, not anymore. With Jensen – he's honest with me, that's why I fell for him. I never could've felt this way if he'd kept lying to me but he didn't he laid himself bare for me, let me see the darkness inside him and make my own judgment and you know what? Flawed as he is I fell so hard I could hardly breathe. I love him Tom, I really love him. I'm sorry.”

“I know you Jared, you could never be with a man who kills. Do you really think he'll stop?”

“He promised. I don't know if it's permanent or not and until I know for sure I can't fully get over everything he's done. But he's trying, I know that.”

“How?”

“The fact that you aren't dead or mortally wounded right now tells me that. So as long as he's trying I'm sticking by him.”

“Don't do this Jared . . . I mean it this isn't gonna end pretty for either of you if you take this path. If you take his side I can't guarantee you'll come out of this unscathed.”

“Then I guess I'll just have to take my chances won't I. I choose him Tom. I choose Jensen.”

The breath Jensen had been holding throughout the entire exchange was finally released a grimace at the pain in his leg escaping at the same time – a grimace Jared saw as he turned to look at the man he loved more than his own life. Rushing to Jensen's side Jared stripped a piece of his shirt at the seam and tried to tend to Jensen's wound turning his back on Tom and their past. Looking down at his love Jensen's eyes were full of adoration as he mouthed the words 'I love you' down at the man kneeling before him earning a breathtaking smile in return.

Jensen had always learned the hard way never to take your eyes off the enemy, this time was no exception.

He never should've looked away.

Jensen lifted his eyes again in time to see Tom draw his gun in their direction.

There was no time to react.

It was already too late.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole world seemed to slow down as Jensen watched the bullet leave the barrel of Tom's gun.

The whole world seemed to slow down as Jensen watched the bullet leave the barrel of Tom's gun.

  
  


“JARED!!”

  
  


Jensen was left rigid and helpless as he watched the too-fast, lethal piece of pointed metal pierce the tender flesh of the man he loved. Hearing Jared cry out in pain and surprise snapped Jensen out of his horrified stupor, removing the slight detachment he had gained in the past few moments and bringing the reality of just what was happening to him in full, unrelenting Technicolour. Moving quickly Jensen caught Jared's slumping body before it crumbled to the ground. Kneeling on the floor holding Jared tight against him, Jensen checked the extent of the damage, bile rising to his throat as his hand came away from Jared's stomach covered with vivid red blood. Suddenly thoughts and memories invaded his mind from the last time he had held Jared pale and bleeding in his arms.

  
  


No. No this couldn't be happening! Not again! He couldn't lose Jared. Not now. He wouldn't cope. He couldn't live in a world without Jared. It was too much. There had to be something . . .

  
  


Jensen was pulled from his frantic inner thoughts by the sound of Jared pained breaths, weakly struggling to pull air into his lungs to fast to do any good. Shit! Jared was going into shock! Now was not the time to get lost in his own panic. He had to help Jared, it was all on him now. Brushing Jared's bangs gently away from his beautiful, scared face, Jensen attempted to soothe the broken man laid across his lap.

  
  


“Shh, Shhh. Jared you have to calm down for me baby. Can you do that? Jay? . . .”

  
  


His words didn't seem to be having any effect. Jared eyes were distant, glazed in panic. He needed to get Jared to look at him, to see him, hear him. He couldn't do anything to help unless Jared was there with him, all the way. Moving his hand from Jared's face to his shoulder he began to gently shake the fragile man – his hushed words becoming more urgent, more frantic.

  
  


“Jared. JARED! Come back to me baby. Come back to me. I can't help you if you're not responding to anything. Baby, baby, look at me. Hey, hey, yeah that's it – come back to me Jay. You're doing so good, just hold on. Stay with me babe . . .”

  
  


As he spoke Jared gradually began to return from wherever he'd drifted to after the initial shock of his wound. He was looking at Jensen now, he seemed to be taking on board what the man was saying but his breathing was still far too fast – he was gong to end up hurting himself even more if he didn't stop hyperventilating. Jensen had to do something and fast.

  
  


“Hey, hey hey. Jay stop. Come on babe stop that. You need to calm down for me babe, can you do that? Come on, deep breaths – slowly. Just in and out . . . that's it. You're doing so good. So good Jay . . .”

  
  


As Jared's breathing finally began to even out he attempted to speak – his words emerging slurred and painful.

  
  


“J-Jen?”

  
  


“Yeah, yeah it's me Jay. I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere o.k.? And neither are you . . . we just have to find something to . . .”

  
  


Breaking off Jensen eyed the steady flow of blood leaking from the bullet wound now adorning Jared's abdomen. Shit that was a lot of blood! Too much. He could deal with it though. He had to. He refused to think about the what the blood loss could mean. He couldn't lose Jared. He wouldn't.

  
  


Gently placing Jared's head back against his knee and removing the hand he'd placed under it Jensen shifted himself up slightly and stripped himself of his shirt. Bunching the material up into a ball he pressed it firmly against the gaping wound, trying to stem the flow. The shirt was soaked red with Jared's blood in moments but Jensen refused to panic. He pressed the material down harder against Jared's stomach and tried to reassure the man in his arms.

  
  


Everything was going to be fine.

  
  


It had to be.

  
  


“It's o.k. Jared. Just hold on. I'm gonna get you some help o.k.? Just hang in there baby.”

  
  


“It hurts Jensen. It hurts so fucking much.”

  
  


“I know baby, I know. But you know what? You're gonna be o.k. We're gonna get you through this o.k.? You're gonna be just fine baby I promise. I promise it's all gonna be o.k. . . .”

  
  


Cruel laughter cut into Jensen's hushed reassurances. Raising his head Jensen met Tom's taunting gaze from across the room.

  
  


“Go ahead Jensen, lie to him. Make promises that you know you can't keep. That's what you're good at isn't it? Making people believe whatever bullshit you want them to?”

  
  


Anger swept through Jensen like a tidal wave. Looking back down to Jared, Jensen leaned down and brushed a soft kiss across the man's forehead before taking his hands and moving them to cover and press firmly against the bloody rag atop his stomach. Moving his lips to the younger man's ear Jensen lowered his voice to a horse whisper ensuring only the man in his arms would be able to hear him.

  
  


“Jay baby, I need you to listen to me very carefully o.k.? I have to take care of something real quick so I need you to keep pressure on the shirt o.k. Don't let go, no matter what happens don't let go and I'll be right back . . .”

  
  


“N-no. No Jensen don't leave me . . .”

  
  


“Shh, Shhh. I'm not leaving you baby, I'll never leave you . . . but you need help – medical help . . . I can't help you without them - and I can't get you the help you need until I take care of our other . . problem. Two minutes. I'll be two minutes. Hell you won't even notice I've gone . . .”

  
  


“I'm scared . . .”

  
  


“No, baby, don't be scared. I'm right here and you're gonna be just fine. There's nothing for you to be scared of Jay . . . nothing at all.”

  
  


“But . . .”

  
  


“Do you trust me?”

  
  


“ . . . yes.”

  
  


“Then believe me when I say everything's going to be just fine. I'm gonna take care of everything.”

  
  


With that Jensen slowly, carefully moved Jared from his place across Jensen's lap and laid him as comfortably as he could on the floor. With one last check to ensure Jared's hands were firmly pressed against his covered wound, Jensen stood and faced the man who'd shot his sole reason for living in cold blood.

  
  


Mindful of the gun still in Tom's grasp Jensen began edging closer to the other man. He leveled cold and hateful eyes on the smirking man before breaking the tense silence.

  
  


“So what was that? Revenge or some kind of twisted, fucked-up Jealousy? If you can't have him no one can, is that it?”

  
  


“No, it's just you having him that I object to.”

  
  


“Wow. Well I gotta say, hating me is one thing – But shooting the man you were going to marry? Yeah I'm, I'm really feeling the love. Do you often show your adoration by embedding bullets your intended's stomachs? Cos you know if you do, it's hardly surprising that you're still single is it? Might want to rethink that approach next time you go in for a meaningful relationship.”

  
  


“Even now you're still hiding behind that arrogant, self-satisfied, 'couldn't give a damn' persona. It's pathetic really – even you must see what a shoddy defense mechanism that is. I already know your weakness Jensen and I already played it against you.”

  
  


“Oh don't get me wrong . . . I am angry – actually that's a bit of an understatement, fucking pissed to hell would be more accurate and why wouldn't I be? You shot the only man I ever loved out of spite, in a pathetic last-ditch attempt to come out on top here. So yeah I'm really fucking angry right now . . . but you know despite that, I'm still the one in control here. I can channel my anger without letting it cloud my judgment. I can use it to strategically plan my next move rather than let it fuel any stupid, careless actions unlike you. I can do all that because I'm just smarter then you. You see you, you're too dense to take clear opportunities when they present themselves to you. You don't plan ahead for any eventuality you may be presented with. Like now for instance . . . you'd rather see me suffer watching Jared bleed out than finish me off while I was distracted, like you really should've done. Poking a bear with a stick then drawing it's attention to you is never a good idea. But then that still wasn't too much of a problem for you was it – I mean after all I was unarmed and far enough away for you to get in a good shot even after I remembered your existence here . . . oh, but wait – nope you didn't take that chance either did you? But hey I'm distracted now, surely there 's been plenty of time to kill me while I've been talking right? Except for the part where I'm still breathing – and now it's too late.”

  
  


As he spoke Jensen had been slowly edging closer and closer to Tom, ensuring his words and subtly of movement kept the other man occupied enough that he didn't notice Jensen's advance until the last moment but by then, as Jensen had said – it was too late. Jensen quickly grabbed the hand holding the gun and slammed it hard into the nearby cabinet forcing Tom to release his grip on the weapon so that Jensen could claim it for himself. Once in possession of the firearm Jensen lifted it up and brought the harsh metal crushing down across Tom's face hard, splitting the delicate skin of his left cheek. Using the other man's disoriented state to his advantage Jensen swung his uninjured leg around Tom's in a quick, powerful round-house kick that sent the dark-haired man crashing to the ground.

  
  


Sprawled on the floor on his back with blood gushing from the recent cut to his face Tom shook himself of the dizziness that had taken over him. As he attempted to lift himself onto his elbows the sound of a gun clicking froze his movements. Looking up he saw Jensen standing over him holding the loaded gun aimed at his skull, blind fury blazing in his eyes. His voice was harsh – words practically spat as he addressed the man laid before him.

  
  


“This is a six-shooter right?” he asked angling his head towards the aimed gun in one quick jerky movement before leveling his gaze back on a silent Tom.

  
  


“Fully loaded when you got here? So let's see – six bullets. That's one in my leg, one in the floor over there and one doing it's damn best to relieve the man I love of his blood supply. So simple math tells us that, that leaves us with three.”

  
  


Jensen removed the gun from it's aim on Tom's skull and shot the man in the shoulder, relishing his instant yelp of pain.

  
  


“Two. And what the hell, just for the sake of petty revenge . . .”

  
  


He moved the gun again this time firing a bullet into Tom's leg almost exactly where he'd shot Jensen earlier in the evening.

  
  


“One. One bullet left . . . any ideas where this one should go?”

  
  


As he spoke Jensen returned the guns aim to the center of Tom's skull a terrifying determination taking over his features. It was then that Tom rediscovered his voice.

  
  


“Go ahead Jensen. Do it, I don't care – In fact I want you to. I would fucking love you to do it! You know what you are. You're a murderer and always will be. Jared might be naïve enough to think you can change but me and you both know the truth. We know that black mark against your soul will always be there and sooner or later you're going to slip and kill somebody – may as well be me. When it happens, and it will happen, Jared will never forgive you. Even if he survives tonight you'll still lose him. May as well get it over with, save yourself getting to comfortable – hell why don't you just save yourself the heartache and kill Jared? Gotta be easier then seeing him walk away from you right? Oh . . . am I making you angry? Let me guess that's not a wise thing to do huh? You want me to shut up? Make me! Shoot me! Fucking kill me!”

  
  


Jensen stared down at the deranged man before him and slowly, reluctantly, lowered the gun, replacing the safety catch as he did. Tom's taunting laughter was short-lived as Jensen pulled his good leg bag and kicked him hard in the face, hearing the satisfying crunch of bones breaking on impact before Tom's head careered back from the impact and hit the floor hard sending him spiraling into unconsciousness.

  
  


In an amazing feat of self-control Jensen refrained from inflicting anymore damage on Tom's prone form, instead moving over to the side table by the couch to retrieve his phone. In mere moments Jensen had phoned for an ambulance and the police and was now back at Jared's side pulling the limp, damaged body back into the safety of his arms. Brushing Jared's hair from his face Jensen had a brief moment of panic when he realised that Jared's eyes were no longer open, but the moment subsided when he realised that the other man's breathing was still regular and that his eyes had begun to move beneath their lids in response to Jensen's caresses.

  
  


“Jay, hey Jay I'm back . . . can you open your eyes for me babe? You can't risk falling asleep – not yet. Come on let me see those eyes.”

  
  


Slowly, under Jensen's encouragement Jared's eyes opened and focused on the face of the man holding him.

  
  


“Jens'n?”

  
  


“Yeah Jay, It's me.”

  
  


Jared's lips curled into a tired smile for a moment before the smile dropped and his brow furrowed weakly in confusion.

  
  


“W-what happened? . . . Tom . . .”

  
  


“Shh, don't worry about that now. It's all take care of, just like I promised. Nothing for you to worry about except conserving your strength and getting better again o.k.?”

  
  


“O.k. . . .”

  
  


Jared's eyes slipped closed momentarily causing whatever else he was about to say to be lost in his weariness. He looked so fragile and far too pale – his beautiful, strong Jared should never look that weak. It was terrifying to see him like that . . . again. No he wasn't going to go there again, but apparently Jared had other ideas. The injured man opened his eyes once again and looked deep into Jensen eyes before lifting a hand to brush against Jensen's face. He seemed fascinated by the trail of blood he left on Jensen's face through the action – it was almost as though the movement had reminded him that he was currently bleeding out in Jensen's arms. Confusion swept through Jensen as Jared began to laugh weakly – the sound hollow and humorless to both their ears.

  
  


“What's so funny?”

  
  


“I-I was just thinking what a weird case of deja-vu this is. Do you remember the last time we were in this position?”

  
  


“I'd rather forget.”

  
  


“F-Fuck . . . I didn't notice before . . . I-It's really fucking cold in here . . .”

  
  


Suddenly Jared was taken over by a powerful fit of coughing and as Jensen tried to soothe him, he realised with horror that the internal bleeding must be getting worse, Jared was coughing up blood. Fuck, where was that ambulance?

  
  


“Hey, hey, Jay It's o.k. It's o.k. The ambulance is on it's way. You're gonna be just fine . . .”

  
  


“I don't think so Jensen . . . not this time. . .”

  
  


“Don't . . .”

  
  


“I think I'm dying . . .”

  
  


“No! Don't say that! Don't you dare talk like that!”

  
  


“No one's entitled to that much luck. I've cheated death too many times by now . . . I can't do it forever . . .”

  
  


“I don't give a fuck how many times you've cheated death – you can do it again. You are not giving up, you hear me? I won't let you – not now.”

  
  


“I'm not giving up . . . I just can't . . .”

  
  


“No! The Jared I know is a stubborn bastard. Your strength is one of the things I've always loved about you Jared. You're a fighter – so fight now!”

  
  


“I honestly don't think I have any fight left in me Jense . . .”

  
  


“That's bullshit and you know it! You can't leave me Jared, you can't. I – I can't live without you Jared. You can get though this – If there's anything worth fighting for it's this. It's your life. Our future. Stay with me Jay. Please stay with me. You just have to hang on a little longer – the paramedics are coming Jare . . . you can't give up. Not now!”

  
  


“I love you Jen . . . I need you to know that, because I mean it . . . I really mean it . . .”

  
  


“Do you? Well if you love me then fight . . . if not for yourself then for me, because I swear to god it you leave me, If you let yourself die then I'm gonna take that bastard over there's gun, put it in my mouth and blow my own brains out because I can't be without you. I've lost everything and everyone I've ever cared about, I can't lose you too – I won't.”

  
  


Jensen could feel the hot, salty tears that were running unbidden down his face, falling to mix with the streaked blood on Jared's. There was no way he could live in a world without Jared. He just couldn't do it.

  
  


Jared gave Jensen a weary smile his voice dropping to barely more than a whisper.

  
  


“I-I think it's time for you to think about just letting me go . . .”

  
  


“I can't.”

  
  


“You might have to . . . You might not have a choice. I'm tired Jense . . . I'm so tired . . . I just want to sleep for a while and if . . .”

  
  


“You can't . . .”

  
  


“ . . . and if I don't wake up then I want you to know . . . I forgive you Jensen . . . for everything . . . and I love you . . . completely . . .”

  
  


With that Jared's eyes closed once more, only this time they didn't open again and his breathing became shallow and uneven. Jensen began to panic.

  
  


“Jared? Jared, baby no. Wake up. Wake up. Please just . . . oh God. Don't leave me . . . don't . . . I can't . . .”

  
  


Jensen hugged Jared tighter to him, leaning down he pressed his forehead to Jared and breathed in the scent of his hair. The sharp metallic tang of blood mixed with Jared's own unique scent was enough to make his tears flow faster. Sobs began to wrack Jensen's body as he rocked Jared's limp form in his arms.

  
  


“Don't leave me . . . please don't leave me. I love you . . . I love you so fucking much . . .”

  
  


That was exactly how the paramedics and police found them ten minutes later – It was another fifteen before they managed to pry Jared's heavy, bloodied body away from the tight clutch of his distraught lover.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom had shot him.
> 
>  
> 
> The man he at one point would’ve trusted with his life left him for dead.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh God! He felt sick. The thought alone was too much to hand

Darkness.

  
  


That was the first thing he became aware of as he gradually slipped back into consciousness.

  
  


Just complete, overwhelming darkness.

  
  


Distantly he was aware of something making an annoying beeping noise . . . somewhere. The sound was faint though - it almost sounded like it would if he were under-water . . . where was it coming from anyway? What the hell was it? Why was it so dark?

  
  


He tried to speak - to ask . . . someone, anyone who might be able to hear him the questions that plagued his mind, but found he couldn't. There was something down his throat, blocking it. Something hard and . . . Plastic? He began to panic trying to cough whatever it was up - to get it out of him, but it was too far down and he began to choke. Through the haze of panic he vaguely heard the beeping noise grow louder, faster, more insistent and for a second he could of sworn he heard . . . was that his mother's voice? Why was she screaming for a doctor? What was happening? 

  
  


Before any answers came to him he was swept into unconscious once more. 

  
  


He welcomed the darkness now and the blessed relief it brought him.

  
  


\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

  
  


It seemed like years later when he regained consciousness once more, but in fact it had only been a few hours.

  
  


He was less disoriented when he came round this time and one of the first things he noticed was the distinct lack of obstruction in his throat.

  
  


The beeping sound was still present but it was sharper now, more clear - after a moment he realised . . . he recognized it. As he became more aware of his surroundings he picked up on the unmistakable, overpowering smell of antiseptic in the air, that combined with the beeping nearby and the too-bright fluorescent lights piercing his closed eyelids told him he was in a hospital. A setting that had become all too familiar for him in recent times. Suddenly most of his earlier confusion dissipated under a wave of new understanding. The beeping noise he could now identify as being beside his head was hospital machinery - no doubt being used to monitor his heart rate and breathing, the plastic he'd panicked over finding down his throat earlier had been a breathing tube and the soreness he now felt deep in the veins of his hand was obviously where an IV drip had been attached to him.

  
  


But there was still one thing he remembered from his earlier experience with wakefulness that he didn’t have an explanation for. He’d heard . . . had he just imagined it or . . .? Was it really . . .?

  
  


Knowing his own mind could not provide the answers he sought he tentatively began to crack an eye open, instantly regretting it when the bright overhead lights pierced his barely exposed eye suddenly and painfully, causing him to wince and shut it again instantly. It was only a small movement, fast and almost in-perceivable, but it was enough to garner the attention of the person in the room with him if what happened next was anything to go by.

  
  


He heard a very familiar voice laced with both concern and barely-contained excitement begin to speak rapidly.

  
  


“Did you see that? I think he’s starting to wake up! Jeff turn off those lights, poor thing probably can’t open his eyes without it stinging – you know I never understood why they keep hospitals so bright in the first place, surely it does more harm than good for the patients . . . I mean they go through surgeries, comas, God knows what else. They go through all of that, the last thing the need is to be blinded by industrial lights when they wake up. Megan, don’t crowd him! Let him come round first.”

  
  


“But mom, I just want to see that he’s o.k. I was scared Mom, I want to know he’s gonna make it through this.”

  
  


“I know, honey, I know. We were all scared, but the doctor said the surgery was successful. There’s nothing for us to worry about.”

  
  


“You don’t know that. He lost a lot of blood Momma – something could still go wrong . . . what if . . .”

  
  


“Meg, you heard Mom – he’s gonna be just fine.”

  
  


“But how do you know that Jeff – this isn’t exactly the first time he’s been rushed to hospital with severe blood loss . . .”

  
  


“Exactly – he made it through last time and he’s gonna make it through this time. He has us to watch out for him and we’re gonna be there for him until he’s all better and functioning on his own.”

  
  


“Your brother’s right Meg – he has his family to watch out for him, he’ll be just fine, you’ll see.”

  
  


“It’s different this time Momma.”

  
  


“How?”

  
  


“Meg don’t . . .”

  
  


“No! I’m sick of everyone playing down and ignoring how serious this is! Last time he told us he got mugged right? Just a random thing? Well it sure as hell wasn’t random this time!”

  
  


“Meg, you’re upsetting Mom.”

  
  


“Well someone has to say what everybody else is thinking! What if he comes back to finish the job? What then? Jared isn’t safe!”

  
  


“That’s enough Meg! That bastard Welling is behind bars where he belongs and that’s where he’s gonna stay. Jared has nothing to worry about and besides, even if that freak does somehow try something Jared has his own personal guard-dog to protect him.”

  
  


“What you mean that Jensen guy the paramedics found him with?”

  
  


“His boyfriend Meg.”

  
  


“We only have his word on that.”

  
  


“He seemed pretty cut up about this whole thing and you saw the state he was in – he got that way defending Jared.”

  
  


“So he says . . . Look I’m sorry if I’m having a hard time trusting a guy who had any involvement in the condition my brother is in right now!”

  
  


“He’s my brother too Meg.”

  
  


“He could’ve died!”

  
  


“I know, but you know . . . there’s just something about that guy he came in with – I believe him Meg. I believe he loves Jared. I mean come on he’s the one that phoned us and told us what happened to Jared, can he really have so much to hide if he did that?”

  
  


“Well, I’m not taking any chances until Jared wakes up and we hear the story from him.”

  
  


“Shut up both of you – he’s awake.”

  
  


It was with great difficulty that Jared managed to pry his eyes open as the others spoke. The second he did the room fell completely silent and all eyes were on him.

  
  


Blinking away the blurriness in his vision, after a few moments he could clearly see the concerned faces of his Mother, Megan and Jeff.

  
  


Now Jared was confused – he was at the hospital and his family were there . . . but as hard as he tried he couldn’t remember how he got there. What had happened to him?

  
  


He was suddenly pulled away from his thoughts by his mother’s voice – directed at him this time.

  
  


“Jared, honey – how do you feel?”

  
  


“Like I got hit with a truck.” He eventually managed to force the words out from a dry and painful throat.

  
  


His mother was there instantly holding a glass of water to his lips and urging him to drink – letting the icy liquid soothe his parched throat.

  
  


While his mother busied herself replacing the water and checking that Jared was comfortable Jeff moved closer to the hospital bed, placing a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder he gave a relieved smile as he said.

  
  


“You gave us all quite a scare there Jay . . . again. You know you really need to learn how to keep yourself out of this kind of trouble because, if something like this happens again were never going to let you out of our sight again.”

  
  


His tone was joking, but Jared could tell just how serious he was – he could hear the edge of worry and panic that belied the teasing comment.

  
  


Before Jared could form any kind of answer Megan was suddenly there taking up the space beside Jeff, unlike his mother and Jeff, she made no attempt to hide the concern and anger she was obviously feeling over the whole situation.

  
  


“Jared, I know you’re tired but we have to know . . . “

  
  


“Meg, not now – he’s just woken up” Came Jeff’s hushed command.

  
  


“But . . .”

  
  


“Your brother’s right Megan, Jared doesn’t need to be pressured right now.”

  
  


“But Mom – we have to know” Turning her attention back to Jared Megan continued her line of questioning. “Jared, do you know what happened to you? Do you remember?

  
  


That was just it – Jared couldn’t remember. At least not at that exact moment. The last thing he could recall clearly was being seriously pissed at Jensen – he’d made him promise to stop hurting people, Jensen had agreed and then . . . Tom. Oh. Suddenly the missing memories came flooding back to him all at once, making him attempt to physically recoil from the images appearing in rapid succession inside his own mind.

  
  


“ _You want to believe him? Oh Jared please tell me you're not falling for his lies. He's playing you babe – open your eyes!”_

 

_At the sound of Tom's irritated voice Jared to turned to face the other man once more._

 

“ _Jared baby, you can't trust him. I'm the one you love, the man you were going to marry. He lied to you, kidnapped you, ruined your whole damn life you can't seriously trust him more than me. Jarebear no one will ever love you as much as me.”_

 

“ _Says the man who threatened to kill me not more than an hour ago.”_

 

“ _I didn't mean that baby, I never meant that – It was a ploy to get to him. You do believe me don't you?”_

 

“ _I don't know what to think anymore.”_

 

“ _Jared come back to me please. I still love you, I never stopped. I can take you away from this nightmare, away from him. All you have to do is let me. Don't you remember how good it was between us? How in love we were? We could have that again – you'd be safe with me. Just . . . Just come with me please. Please, baby, please.”_

  
  


“ _. . . I know where I stand with him – with you . . . I don't even know who you are anymore cos I sure as hell don't recognize the man standing in front of me . . ._

 

_Flawed as he is I fell so hard I could hardly breathe. I love him Tom, I really love him. I'm sorry.”_

  
  


“ _Don't do this Jared . . . I mean it this isn't gonna end pretty for either of you if you take this path. If you take his side I can't guarantee you'll come out of this unscathed.”_

  
  


“ _Then I guess I'll just have to take my chances won't I. I choose him Tom. I choose Jensen.”_

  
  


“ _JARED!!”_

  
  


_The sound of the gunshot rang too loud in his ears._

  
  


_Then came the pain. The sudden white-hot blinding pain in his stomach._

  
  


_He could feel the blood seeping from his body as he slumped to the ground, distantly aware that he was being held._

  
  


_After a while he began to feel cold, so very cold. The cold began to numb him and he couldn’t hold on anymore, he couldn’t keep fighting. But it was o.k. It was all o.k. because Jensen was there, he could hear him, see him, feel him all around him and as long as Jensen was there it was o.k. . ._

  
  


_He was disoriented and tired . . . so very tired So he gave in. His lover's, his Jensen’s frantic, desperate whispers in his ears as he allowed the darkness to claim him._

  
  


“ _Don't leave me . . . please don't leave me. I love you . . . I love you so fucking much . . .”_

  
  


Jared gasped as the images left him.

  
  


Tom had shot him.

  
  


The man he at one point would’ve trusted with his life left him for dead.

  
  


Oh God! He felt sick. The thought alone was too much to handle.

  
  


“Tom . . .” He whispered. “H-he . . . he shot me.”

  
  


Saying the words out loud didn’t make them feel any less foreign to him.

  
  


The shock of everything was making him numb . . . he didn’t understand. How could Tom do that to him? Why would he? He knew that the Tom he’d seen that night wasn’t the same man he knew but he never imagined he’d . . .

  
  


“He broke in.” Jared’s voice was stronger now – he had to get this out, maybe then he could find a way to move on and get past it. “He wanted to kill Jensen but . . .”

  
  


Jensen. Oh God. What had happened to Jensen? Where was he? Had Tom killed him or was the opposite true? Surely Jensen hadn’t killed the man had he? Despite everything that Tom had done it didn’t change the fact that Jensen had made him a promise – that had to mean something right?

 

Jared honestly didn’t know what he’d do if he found Jensen had broken it.

  
  


Not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer but  _needing_ to know all the same Jared gathered the courage to ask the question burning in his mind.

  
  


“Tom, . . . is he . . . “

  
  


“He’s in custody. Police picked him up with the paramedics when your boy explained what happened.” Jeff explained, breaking off and waiting patiently to give Jared a chance to process the information and ask any more questions he felt he needed to.

  
  


Jared’s mind was spinning. Tom was alive? Jensen hadn’t killed him! He’d kept his promise! Jared was so relieved he felt like crying with it. But wait . . . If Tom was in jail then where was Jensen? Why wasn’t he here? A terrible sense of dread began to overtake Jared then. Jensen couldn’t be . . . he just couldn’t – but he had to be sure.

  
  


“Where’s Jensen? Where is he?”

  
  


O.k. so maybe keeping calm and composed wasn’t Jared’s first reaction in this situation, but if his natural instinct was to panic when he’d just woken up in hospital to find he man he was once upon a time engaged to in custody for his attempted murder and the man he loved no where to be seen then he could hardly be blamed. Freaking out was kind of a given in that situation. 

  
  


Sensing that Jared was getting distressed Jeff placed a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder and spoke softly, ensuring that Jared would listen to him.

  
  


“Jay, Jay it’s alright – calm down man. Jensen’s fine. He’s with the police going over his statement.”

  
  


Searching Jeff’s face Jared could tell that his brother was not lying to him. Jensen was o.k. Everything was o.k. And suddenly without the adrenalin caused by his panic coursing through him, Jared began to feel incredibly tired. His body became heavy with exhaustion and he felt as though he could sleep for a thousand years.

  
  


Picking up on his weariness his mother began ushering Meg and Josh out of the room. Leaning down she placed a gentle kiss to her son’s forehead before whispering:

  
  


“Get some rest sweetie; we’ll be back in a little while when you’re feeling more ready for visitors.”

  
  


With that she stood and left the room behind his siblings and Jared drifted off to sleep content in the knowledge that when he awoke he would be able to see Jensen and assure himself that that man was truly o.k.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

The next time he awoke it was to a doctor shining a light in his eyes.

  
  


Sitting up abruptly at the unpleasant awakening he caused the doctor to stumble back a few paces.

  
  


“Couldn’t you have waited to do that when I was awake?” He snapped rather rudely. He understood that the man was just doing his job and that he had to test Jared but honestly, would it of killed him to wait? Or at least wake Jared up and ask if it was o.k. to do the tests right now? So yeah, thinking of it like that Jared really didn’t feel bad about his grouchy behaviour towards this particular medical professional.

  
  


“Now Jared – there’s no need to be like that, he’s only trying to help. Where are your manners? His mother’s voice came from somewhere to the side of him – without looking he could tell she was wearing the same disapproving scowl she got every time he sassed someone as a child. Some things never change he thought fondly. 

  
  


“That’s quite all right Mrs. Padalecki.” Came the doctor’s reply. “I’m sure it was a bit of a shock for Jared to be woken up in that way – and besides working as a doctor for as long as I have believe me I’ve been subjected to much worse.” 

  
  


The doctor’s smile was kind and friendly and now that Jared really looked at the man he saw how attractive he was with his dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Yet despite his obvious beauty he didn’t flaunt it as some did – there was no edge of superiority to the man, his entire aura was comforting and benign and suddenly Jared did feel guilty about his earlier rudeness. 

  
  


“Well it’s still no excuse Doctor Collins – I raised my children better than that.”

  
  


“Mrs Padalecki how many times do I have to tell you there’s no need to be formal with me. I’m going to be overseeing your son’s progress until he is fully capable of functioning by himself. With the amount of time I’ll be spending with Jared I want both you and Jared to feel comfortable with me. ‘Doctor Collins’ is far too impersonal, call me Misha.”

  
  


“Fine, I’ll make you a deal then – I’ll start calling you Misha when you learn to call me Sherri. ‘Mrs. Padalecki’ makes me feel old, it kills the times when I like to pretend I’m still twenty-five.”

  
  


“You mean your not?” Misha asked with a wink. “And here I thought that Jared here was just an early developer.”

  
  


Sherri laughed at that and Jared couldn’t help likening how informal and relaxed his doctor was.

  
  


“Now then Jared” Misha began turning his attention to his patient. “Since you’ve spent most of your time here sleeping and we were never properly introduced – My name is Doctor Misha Collins, and like I said to your mother there is no need to be formal with me, I encourage all my long-term patents and their families to call me by my first name so we can build a repertoire which makes the healing process a much more endurable and enjoyable experience. I am your personal Doctor and It’s my job to get you back to one hundred percent as quickly as possible, unfortunately for an injury such as yours that will take some time which I understand can be frustrating, but if you ever feel the need to lash out then feel free to yell at me – venting your anger can be very helpful to the healing process. Do you have any questions?”

  
  


“Just one – how long do I have to stay here for – I mean with personal doctors like you, you make house-visits right?”

  
  


“Eager to be free of the food here – I understand, I’m not a huge fan of hospitals myself – weird seeing as I’m a doctor, but I got into the profession to help people not because I liked the atmosphere. In answer to your question, it all depends on how well the stitches heal while you’re here. If they hold well and the inflammation and pain go down then you can expect to be free within the week, if there are complications then it’ll be a little longer.”

  
  


“O.k. . . .”

  
  


Looking around Jared noticed that besides Misha and his Mother the room was empty. Turning to his mother he asked.

  
  


“Where are Meg and Jeff?”

  
  


“They’re talking to your father outside. You know he can’t travel because of his accident last year and it’s killing him being stuck at home while you’re here. He’s grilling them for every last detail of your recovery.”

  
  


“Yeah that sounds like him . . . so, where’s Jensen?”

  
  


It may have been his imagination but Jared swore he saw Misha’s kind smile turn icy at the mention of Jensen’s name.

  
  


“I’m sorry Jared but due to the very serious condition you are still in we can’t let anyone except immediate family members in to see you just yet. Don’t worry though; you have some friends waiting eagerly to see you as soon as the danger level has gone down, as well as your . . . boyfriend.”

  
  


“Which we are going to have a talk about very soon Jared. In all of those calls home you never once mentioned a new man in your life.”

  
  


“Sorry Momma, but we just wanted to keep it to ourselves a little longer . . . and Doctor Collins – Misha, with all do respect Jensen is immediate family and I want to see him right now.”

  
  


“Partners that are not bound by law can’t be classified as immediate family. Not even Mr. Ackles is above the law I'm afraid . . .” The last comment came out clipped as though it left a bad taste in the doctor's mouth.

  
  


In a moment of desperation Jared said the first thing he could think of to get Jensen allowed in the room with him.

  
  


“He’s my husband!”

  
  


“What? Jared Tristan Padalecki, you better not be telling me that you went and got married without even telling your family!”

  
  


His mother was livid, but he couldn’t back down and admit it was a lie – he had to see Jensen and this was the only way.

  
  


“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Momma but it was a real spur-of-the-moment thing. We didn’t exactly plan it but I love him Momma, I really do and he loves me.”

  
  


Misha broke the silence that descended after that.

  
  


“So you’re telling me that the two of you are married?”

  
  


“That’s right.”

  
  


“You weren’t wearing a ring when you were admitted.”

  
  


“Tom took it – he’s insane, thought that by taking the ring it would somehow erase the marriage when he realized I still wasn’t going to come with him he tried to kill me – kill us both.”

  
  


As it turns out Jared was fairly good at this making stuff up on the spot thing because it seemed to convince both his mother and Misha – even if Misha seemed to have some kind of . . . grudge against Jensen. Every time his name was mentioned Misha would visibly bristle as though Jensen had done him some great wrong. Weird.

  
  


“Well then if you’re married then I suppose I’d better fetch your husband then hadn‘t I?”

  
  


And with that Misha turned and left the room

  
  


Facing his mother again Jared attempted to explain to her something that was impossible to do so. How could he give her a reason for why he did something that he never actually did? But he couldn’t take it back now, admitting that he’d lied about something like this would be worse than if he actually had eloped without telling her.

  
  


“Momma I really am sorry.”

  
  


“I know honey, but that’s not important right now – just tell me this . . . are you happy? Really happy? Does he make you happy?”

  
  


“Yes Momma he does. I love him and there’s no where I’d rather be then with him.”

  
  


“Then that’s all I need to know. You know what I think I’m gonna go get a coffee, give you two some time alone to talk. I’ll check in on you later sweetie.”

  
  


As she stood and turned to leave the room Jared whispered after her.

  
  


“Thank you Momma. Thank you.”

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

It was twenty minutes later when Jensen finally appeared at the doorway of Jared’s hospital room. He looked . . . absolutely terrible. There was dried blood still on his face from where he’d refused to wash, the dark bags under his eyes were a testament to how little he’d slept recently. His hair was all messed up as though he’s been continually running his hands through it, he was wearing one of the hospitals spare scrub shirt to cover his naked chest and his leg was wrapped in a thick bandage where he’s been forced to let the doctors treat him. 

  
  


He was still the most beautiful thing Jared had ever seen.

  
  


As soon as Jensen’s eyes landed on Jared they widened in relief and then he was making his way quickly over to the bed pulling Jared into a tight, awkward hug before pulling back and kissing him firmly on the lips.

  
  


When Jensen finally pulled away he still didn’t relinquish full contact of Jared, continually brushing hair off his face, stroking his arms, hands, cheeks and anywhere else he could reach – reassuring himself that Jared was safe. That he was alive.

  
  


“Oh, baby you’re o.k. You’re really o.k. I thought I lost you. Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

  
  


“Jen, Jen calm down – It’s o.k. I’m O.k. and it’s all thanks to you.”

  
  


“You didn’t think I could ever just let you die did you? Not a chance I’m too selfish to ever let you go.”

  
  


“I’m glad . . . you kept your promise . . . you didn’t kill Tom.”

  
  


“I wanted to. God knows there’s nothing I wanted more in that moment than to blow his fucking brains out for what he’d done to you – but I couldn’t, because I knew you’d never forgive me and you mean more to me than anything. I’d do anything for you and when I make you a promise I’ll do everything in my power to keep it.”

  
  


“You really mean that don’t you?”

  
  


“Of course.”

  
  


“And I mean what I said to you before.”

  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  


“When I told you that I forgive you, I meant it. I never would’ve been able to if you would’ve stayed the same as you were, because I’d always be frightened that you’d just do something like that again and again – but you’ve proved to me that you can change, that I can forgive you.”

  
  


“I love you, you know that? And I’m gonna make damn sure nothing can hurt you ever again.”

  
  


“That sounds nice, improbable, but nice. I love you too . . . so, are you gonna tell me what did you told the cops? About Tom I mean.”

  
  


“Long story, I’ll tell you all about it when you don’t look as though you’re gonna fall asleep on me the first chance you get.”

  
  


“O.k. But you are gonna tell me Ackles, make no mistake about that.” At that moment a thought that had been bugging him occurred to Jared “Hey Jen?”

  
  


“Yeah babe?”

  
  


“You know my Doctor?”

  
  


“Who that Misha guy? Yeah, what about him?”

  
  


“Have you ever met him before – like, even briefly?”

  
  


“Not that I remember why?”

  
  


“I’m not sure, it’s probably nothing . . . it’s just – he doesn’t seem to like you. I mean I don’t know whether I’m just imagining it or not but there’s just something about the way he reacts when you get mentioned . . . it’s like he sees you as an enemy, a threat. That’s crazy right?”

  
  


“Well, he was a bit of a dick when he came to get me from the waiting room. Snapped and glared daggers at me the whole time. Maybe he’s got the hots for you and he’s just jealous.”

  
  


Jared shook his head – that wasn't it, he was certain of that much.

  
  


“No I don’t think it’s that. I don’t know why but I just get the impression that it’s more than that – that this is something bad . . .”

  
  


“look whatever this guy has a stick up his ass about it’s probably nothing to worry about - I don't want you getting stressed out right now o.k? . . . On the other hand there is something that I want to talk about.”

  
  


“And what would that be?”

  
  


“When doctor prick came to get me he said . . . he told me you said we were married? I mean I went along with it so that I could see you, but I just had to ask.”

  
  


“Yeah I did and you what?” Jared gave Jensen a teasing smile before continuing. “The more I think about it, the more I find myself wishing it was real.”

  
  


“Really?” The absolute joy and hope reflected in Jensen’s eyes was so adorably endearing that Jared just couldn’t help leaning in to kiss his perfect mouth.”

  
  


“Really.” After a few seconds contenting himself with just smiling at the Jensen's obvious happiness Jared continued. “You know this would be the part where you ask me and then I say yes and then we have a celebratory engagement make-out session.”

  
  


“Wow, you’ve got it all planned don’t you?” The mirth in Jensen’s eyes was obvious.

  
  


“Yep and your ruining it. As far as romantic proposals go this isn’t exactly gonna top any lists. Is it? So I’m gonna let you get out any doubts then I’m gonna give you one last chance to wow me Romeo.”

  
  


“So bossy.” His tone became serious then. “Jay are you absolutely sure about this? Because there’s no going back – if I ask you and you agree just like you planned, then that’s it, you’re mine and I’m yours forever. Because if you say yes then decide you don’t want me later it would kill me Jay. I couldn’t go through that. I just couldn’t.”

  
  


“And you won’t have to . . . Look, you remember back when all this drama began? I told you that it felt like no matter what I did I’d never be free of you? Well as it turns out, I’m a little slow on the uptake because it’s taken me this long to figure out that . . . I don’t ever want to be.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misha seemed to pause at that – a dark shadow passed in his eyes like he was fighting an internal war with himself and him jaw tensed in to a pained and angry grimace briefly before he shook himself and smiled again – this one much tighter and more strained than the last.

Jared fluttered his eyes open, lazily smiling at the feel of the lingering kisses that had awoken him. Blinking away the remaining sleep from his eyes he gazed into the breathtaking emerald orbs of his lover hovering above him.

“Hey baby, time to get up.”

Jared moaned in reluctance, shutting is eyes one more and blindly grabbing for Jensen even as he felt the other man's warm body quickly slip away from him, evading capture and leaving a trail of goosebumps along Jared's bare and now exposed side.

“But Jen, I don't want to, can't we just stay in bed a little while longer? It's still early.”

“Sorry baby, no can do. Big day today remember? Things to do. Besides, this whole thing was your idea anyway.”

“That's no excuse to drag an injured and still recuperating man out of bed at ungodly times.” Jensen refused to acknowledge how adorable Jared's petulant reply was. Acknowledging it would only lead to giving in, and that was the last thing he needed. So instead he simply chuckled at his lover's pout before answering.

“Ungodly times? It's ten o'clock Jay. You know, with that flare for melodrama you've got going on, I really think you should've taken up acting at school -really missed your calling on that one babe . . . and really? You're still pulling the 'injured and recuperating' card? It's been six months Jay, you're practically all better now.”

“Wow, if my personal mother-hen's admitting it, it must be true.”

“Shut up. I worry, I'm allowed to worry about the man I love . . . especially when that man almost died in my arms twice.”

His voice grew soft at the last statement, eyes dropping to the floor, vacant and distant – taking in, once again the weight of everything he so very nearly lost. Jared pulled him from his reverie by placing a hand on his cheek and forcing Jensen to meet his eyes.

“Hey, hey, I didn't though so it doesn't matter, none of it does. I'm still here – with you. That's all that matters and you said yourself, I'm all better now – I mean, sure, I've got a new scar to add to my apparently growing collection and my family keep constantly checking in as though their expecting me to just fall down and nearly bleed to death again at any minute . . . but I'm really o.k. Misha said I've made great progress and now that I'm all healed I won't even need him to come over any more. Listen to me Jensen. I need you to hear me when I say this. It's over. We did it. We got through it just like you said we would. Everything's going to be o.k.”

Jared punctuated his speech with a gentle kiss to Jensen's lips. Staring into Jared's gorgeous hazel eyes and seeing all the love he felt for the man reflected back at him made Jensen want more than anything to be able to just believe the younger man's words. He had Jared. Jared was o.k. They were together – in love and due to be married. It was everything he'd ever wanted. His every dream come true, but as happy as he was he couldn't help the niggling doubt hidden in the back of his mind. That voice in his head that whispered _'It's not o.k., everything is not fine. When have you ever gotten anything you truly wanted? When is anything ever this simple?'_ And above it all, impossible to ignore was the far more insistent voice that screamed _'It's not over!'_

Swallowing back the warring doubts taking residence in his mind Jensen tried to smile reassuringly, changing the topic in hopes of silencing the screaming, frenzied voices that tormented and taunted him.

“So, speaking of your family, what did you tell your mom about us apparently getting married 'again' after you already convinced her we were married before?”

“Um . . . about that . . .”

“Jared, what did you say?”

“I, might of . . . kinda told her that the first wedding was a spur of the moment, impulsive move – like, really impulsive . . .”

“Why do I get the feeling I should be worried about this? Jared just how impulsive does your mom think our fake first wedding was?”

“Um . . . well, . . . I sorta told her that we were on holiday . . . in Vegas . . . I might of given her the impression that we got really drunk and got married there . . . so it wasn't a real wedding and that's why we want to do it properly this time . . .”

For a long time Jensen could do nothing but stare at his lover in the wake of the fumbled admission. Finally Jensen managed to pull his thoughts together enough to choke out:

“Y-you told your mother that we got wasted and had a shot-gun wedding in Vegas?”

“ . . . yes?”

“Did you even think that one through? Or do you just like getting yourself into near-death situations?”

“Oh come on Jensen – it's not that bad . . .”

“Not that bad? Are you forgetting that I have met your mother? . . .”

“Exactly – you've met her, so you know how difficult it was to find a way to explain all this. I'll admit, maybe the Vegas idea wasn't the bast cover story I could've come up with, and yeah, my mom damn near blew a gasket when I told . . . but it's still a hell of a lot better than dealing with the fallout of admitting that I lied to her about something as big as being married!”

“O.k. I see your point . . . and, well, I'm still breathing so your mom can't of taken it as badly as I was picturing . . . “

“As bad as you were picturing? Jensen did you just admit to being afraid of my mother?”

“Well, I wouldn't say I was . . . afraid as such – more . . . cautious . . .”

“Wow . . . you so are! Big bad Jensen's afraid of my mother!”

“Can you blame me? Killer's and psycho's have nothing on Sherri when she gets angry! Woman is scary as hell!”

“Oh don't worry babe, I'll protect you – not that you need it. Believe it or not, her natural aggression isn't and indication of her feelings. She intimidates because she has to, it's her way of staying in control – but she really does like you. Honestly? Sometimes I actually think she loves you more than me.”

“Now I know you're lying – how can anybody love anyone more than you? You're absolutely perfect in every way.”

Jared's answering smile stole Jensen's breath away and for a second he could almost lose himself in their morning banter. He could almost forget why they were awake so early – what today was.

“Yeah, but your biased . . . therefore your opinion doesn't count.”

Jared leaned forward and pressed another gentle kiss to Jensen's lips and then he was moving, getting up off the bed and searching for his clothes.

As Jared moved to pass him, Jensen quickly reached out and grabbed his arm, looking up into the younger man's eyes he said seriously.

"You know we don't have to do this. If you don't want to go I'll understand, you don't have anything to prove to me."

"I know I don't Jensen . . . and I also know that no one is forcing me to do anything. This is my decision. I want to go. I have to go."

"You're absolutely sure you want to go through with this?"

"Positive."

"Well o.k. then. Let's do this."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Half an hour later they were dressed and ready to go. Jensen kept sneaking furtive glances at Jared. Looking for any sign of distress or nerves. 

Jared may have claimed to be fine with the events that were about to unfold, but Jensen wasn’t about to put him through anything unnecessarily stressful that he couldn’t handle while he was still recuperating – after all just because the wound was mostly healed it didn’t mean that Jared was completely out of the woods yet, not physically and certainly not mentally . . . and something like this, something that had as much potential for disaster as what they planned to do . . . it could break him.

Jensen was just about to renew his efforts to dissuade Jared when there was a knock at the door, not that that prevented Jared from guessing what was on his mind anyway. It would seem that in the time they had spent together in the safe-house and throughout Jared’s recovery process, Jared had become remarkably well versed in the unspoken language of Jensen. Nine times out of ten he could pick up on what Jensen was thinking and feeling despite Jensen’s best efforts to keep it concealed. Jensen couldn’t hide from or fool Jared as he could everybody else he met – he had no defenses against him – and having Jared around him all the time, having him know him better than Jensen believed he knew himself both scared and thrilled him equally. Jared was the only person who could see every part of Jensen laid bare, even the parts he didn’t want shown and if Jared were anybody else but Jared he would have used that to his advantage. Jensen was used to dealing with criminals and killers – people whom he had to keep up his game face for, he couldn’t risk exposing a weakness that could get him killed in the long-run. Jared wasn’t like that though, he didn’t plot or scheme or hurt, he saw all of Jensen and accepted him anyway even with all his faults. Jared was the only person who truly loved Jensen as he was and Jensen returned that love a thousand fold. Yet all the same, as happy as he was with Jared, having someone see into his mind with such clarity after so many years of solitude and impenetrable masks was a little . . . unsettling.

As it was, on seeing Jensen’s worries over Jared’s heath on display as they only ever were to him Jared merely raised an eyebrow and moved towards the door saying:

“Really Jensen? You were going to start this now? Can’t you just listen and believe me when I tell you I’m fine? Trust me I want to do this and I’m going to whether you’re with me or not. You just need to accept that and stop being so protective about it.”

With that he opened the door revealing a smiling Doctor Collins on the other side.

“Misha! What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t need to make house-visits here any more.”

Jared was genuinely surprised to see the young doctor at his doorstep. Misha had been making regular visits to the house in the months following Jared’s discharge from the hospital to aid with physical therapy and check-ups, saving Jared from making the arduous journey back to the hospital on a regular basis . . . but his last visit had been two weeks ago when he told Jared that he’d responded brilliantly to the therapy and all that was left was for Jared to rest and get back to one hundred percent by himself. The house-visits were no longer required to aid Jared’s recovery – so why was he here now?

“Jared, hi. I just wanted to check how my favorite patient was doing.”

“I’m fine Misha, honestly . . . we were just about to go out actually.”

“Glad to hear you’re getting your life back on track but don’t over do it – and there’s no need to look so panicked I’m not going to keep you for long I have thing to do and places to go . . .”

“Another patient?”

Misha seemed to pause at that – a dark shadow passed in his eyes like he was fighting an internal war with himself and him jaw tensed in to a pained and angry grimace briefly before he shook himself and smiled again – this one much tighter and more strained than the last.

“Something like that. Look I really have to go so just take it easy and if you feel any pain or abnormal discomfort feel free to call me anytime you have my number.”

Jared was confused over Misha’s sudden desperation to get away from the house, he’d just got there after all and it was a fair distance to drive from the hospital.

“Well if you’re sure there was nothing else . . . you don’t have to worry about me, Jensen will take care of me.”

At the mention of his fiancé’s name Misha’s eyes turned ice cold, all the earlier warmth draining from them instantly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You really should be more careful who you place you trust in Mr. Padalecki.”

There it was again. That unusual hatred Misha seemed to hold for Jensen. He hadn’t seen much of it since that day in the hospital because Jensen was usually overseeing his company while Misha was with Jared and the man had nothing but kind words for him . . . but Jensen – It was obvious that Misha despised him and Jared didn’t have the first idea why or what it meant. All he did know was that every time Misha’s eyes turned hateful and his voice dripped venom for Jensen, Jared felt a terrifying icy sensation in the pit of his stomach. Swallowing back the fear Jared croaked:

“What do you mean?”

The expression on Misha’s face shifted. He blinked a few times and suddenly the cold stare was gone as though it had never been there in the first place.

“I’m sorry, I simply meant that you are still recovering from a serious injury and every precaution needs to be taken in regards to your health – you should surround yourself with people you trust to keep you as stress-free as possible. I understand this is a difficult situation and I merely meant that your . . . husband should ensure as few martial strife’s as possible. Now I really must go.”

With that Misha turned and got back into his car. Closing the door behind him Jared couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. He didn’t believe Misha’s explanation for a second and more than anything he feared what the actual reasoning behind the words may be.

\- - - - - - - - - - - -

Arriving at the building Jensen got out of the car and rounded it to open the door on Jared’s side. The reaction he got was one of fond exasperation the now familiar phase of “I’m not an invalid you know” falling from his lover’s lips. Jensen was anxious, there was no denying it. He’d seen what had happened with Misha earlier and he knew how upset Jared was over it despite how well he attempted to hide it. In light of that he didn’t think it was such a good idea to risk upsetting the man further by doing this right now – surely it could wait! But nevertheless Jared had insisted and Jared is nothing if not stubborn. So they were here despite Jensen’s strong reservations towards the whole thing.

Taking Jared’s hand in a show of support Jensen lead them both through the door of the old building. Heading straight for the front desk Jensen wasted no in announcing:

“I want to speak to Kane, where is he?”

The young girl manning the desk looked startled by the bluntness of the request for a moment before seeming to sober and recognize who was addressing her.

“Mr Ackles is it? One moment I’ll ring for him.”

All of five minutes later Jensen and Jared were being directed into a side room where a tall, smartly-dressed man awaited them.

“Jensen, It’s good to see you again” he man greeted, turning his attention to Jared he added “And you must be Jared, pleasure to meet you finally.”

Before Jared could respond Jensen was intervening with:

“Chris. You know why we’re here.”

Chris’s face fell. The easy smile had been replaced with deep worry lines as he spoke.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean after . . . I’m just saying, you might not like the outcome.”

“Jared needs the closure, we’re sure.”

“Well alright then. Follow me.”

Jensen and Jared followed Chris through the maze of corridors and Jail cells until they finally came to stop out side a door in the highest security wing. Stopping in front of the door Chris turned to them both.

“Now are you absolutely sure about this? This is your last chance to back out.”

“Yes. We’re sure”

With that Chris opened the door and instructed them to take a seat inside and wait. A few moments later a figure was escorted into the room by two officers and sat handcuffed to the table across from them. One the man was secured the officers left the room and locked the door leaving the three men alone.

Jared was the first to speak.

“Tom. Do you know why I’m here?”

Tom smiled at him wolfishly and Jensen wanted to tear out his throat.

“Don’t tell me. You’ve finally come to you senses and picked me.”

“He would never pick you, you self-satisfied piece of . . .”

“Jensen!”

At Jared’s shout Jensen quietened and went back to glaring at Tom who started to laugh.

“My, my Jensen he really does have you well trained doesn’t he? What other tricks can you do hmm? Roll over boy. Fetch. There’s a good Jensen.”

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t rip your tongue out of your mouth right now.”

“Still have some aggression issues I see Jen. Maybe you should find a healthier outlet for your anger, take up a sport perhaps.”

Jensen growled at that.

“Down boy. This pissing contest doesn’t need to turn into the real thing. Although seeing as you’re rediscovering your animalistic side I would suggest you take better care of your territory.” Tom through a poignant glance at Jared. “After all who knows when someone might just come and take your toys all for themselves . . .”

Jensen stood almost lunging for the other man before Jared held him back.

“Jensen. Don’t let him rile you!”

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking murder the bastard!”

“Jensen, I can’t do this with you here. I need you to wait outside for me.”

“I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

“Jensen please! He’s in chains. I’m safe. I need you to go.”

Jensen looked into Jared’s pleading eyes and saw the desperation there. With a nod he pushed himself away from Jared and signaled to Chris to be let out.

Returning to his seat Jared looked across at Tom for a moment, cataloging every detail and trying to match it to the man he’d known what felt like a life time ago. He couldn’t. However hard he looked this was a completely different man. The loving, kind Tom had been corrupted, twisted – he was a monster.

“You nearly killed me.”

“I was angry.”

“You shot me and watched me bleed when moments before you were telling me how much you loved me. Tell me Tom how often do you show your affection through pain?”

“I guess you must be a special case. I rarely show affection for anyone these days.”

“Don’t you even feel remorse for what you did? We had something once and you . . .”

“I didn’t want to hurt you Jared. That’s never what I wanted, It was never my intention . . . but I cannot feel remorse for something that would have spared you in the end.”

“How would me dying have spared me anything.”

“It would’ve spared you going to him.”

“I love Jensen. I’m going to marry him. What makes you think I want to be spared?”

“You’ll see.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Whatever you want it to.”

“Is this a game to you? Stop talking in riddles.”

“It’s all a game and this time we’re playing to win.”

“Whose we.”

“Does it matter? You’ve already decided I’m crazy, I can see it in your eyes . . . I hope you found whatever you came here looking for Jared.”

“Not exactly, but at least now I know that anything I might have felt for you in the past – any love or compassion It’s all gone. The sad thing is I can’t even hate you for what you did. I pity you.”

“Don’t. We’ve fallen down the rabbit hole Jared and there’s only one way out.”

“You know you’re right. I do think you’re crazy – absolutely bat-shit crazy.”

“Goodbye Jared.”

Jared stood and turned to be let out with a final “Goodbye”. He was already gone when Tom began to laugh to himself.

“What time is it Mr. Wolf? It’s Dinner-time and this dish is best served very, very cold.”

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Later Tom Lay in his cell looking up at the ceiling, he felt the blood drying on his forehead, some still trickling from the recent cut down the side of his face to pool on the pillow, dying the stark material vivid red before darkening. The door was unlocked then, revealing a guard stood blocking the entrance - unimpressed.

“Welling I don’t know why you keep doing this or why but next time you want to get your kicks by smashing your head into the wall, I’m just going to leave you to bleed to death we clear?”

“Crystal. Now, are you just going to leave this to get infected or do you have something for me.”

“Don't get cocky Welling. I don't give a shit who you were on the outside, in here your a prisoner just like all the others.”

“And even prisoner's have human rights.”

“Whatever. You're lucky, you've got the privilege of testing the skills of our new part-time doctor.”

“Lucky me.”

The officer stood aside revealing the dark haired man previously hidden by his body. The doctor moved cautiously into the cell making sure to keep as far away from his unstable patient as possible for the moment.

“Welling – Doctor Misha Collins. Doctor Collins – Psychotic nut-job, try not to get to close we're not entirely sure he doesn't bite.”

“You wound me Frank.”

“Yeah? We'll see how wounded you are after a week in solitary – I mean it Welling all I need is an excuse. You try anything and I will take great pleasure in dragging you there myself.”

“Don't worry Frankie, we'll play nice – promise.”

“Whatever. I'll leave you two to get better acquainted. Just give me a shout when your done Doc and I'll come get you.”

With that he turned and left locking the door behind him. For a few moments Misha and Tom did nothing but stare at each other. Suddenly Tom sat up and broke out into a blinding grin. 

“Well well well. Misha isn't it? I was beginning to think I'd been stood up.”

“Well, there's not many people who'd go as far as to physically injure themselves to garner an audience with me.”

“What can I say Doc? I'm a special case.”

“You said you had . . . information – about Jensen Ackles.”

“Oh I – we – can do so much better than that.”

“I have to admit I was surprised when your lawyer contacted me with your letter – I . . . It's just – are you sure? Are you absolutely certain that it was him?”

“I'll swear it on anything you give me. What reason would I have to lie to about something like this? My vendetta is against Ackles, not you.”

“I had to identify the body you know. God what he did to him! I barely even recognized him. My own brother. My Daniel. The boy who followed me around like a lost puppy for half of his child-hood and I couldn't even recognize his face it was that bad! He was only nineteen years old. He was just a boy, my little brother – I know he may have made some . . . questionable friends, but I never imagined anything like this would ever happen. Whatever he'd done, whatever he'd gotten involved in he didn't deserve to die – especially not like that.”

“Of course he didn't – but Ackles cares little for what's right and fair. You'll come to see that.”

“He took Daniel away from me in the worst possible way and I will always hate him for that.”

“Then it's about time we did something about that don't you think? He needs to pay for what he's done.”

“How?”

“We need to take him down from the inside – you're Jared's Doctor, there's trust there – which is a good start.”

“But not enough – Jared's picked up on my . . . hostility towards Jensen. He won't trust me completely – ever.”

“He doesn't need to. All you have to do is keep them distracted, that way they won't see the real threat – the one that comes from the one person other than Jared who has Jensen's complete trust.”

“Who?”

“A close personal friend who's only too happy to help bring Ackles down. Tell me, is the name Jeffery Dean Morgan familiar to you?”

\- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jared entered the house slowly. He still tired far too easily than he was used to, but all the same he was glad that Jensen had allowed him out of his sight long enough to collect his medication from the chemist by himself – in fact he'd been quite insistent.

Walking further into the darkened hall Jared startled when a pair of warm, familiar hands descended over his eyes.

“Jense . . . what? . . .”

“Shh, Trust me Jay. I've got a surprise for you. Just walk forward slowly o.k.? I'll make sure you don't walk into the wall.”

Doing as instructed Jared started forward, allowing Jensen to guide him blinded into the front room.

“Are you ready Jare?”

“Yes. What's this about Jen . . . sen?”

His words trailed off as Jensen dropped his hands from Jared's eyes and he took in the sight before him. The room was covered in beautiful flickering candles and in the center of the room where the furniture had been pushed aside was what looked like a picnic complete with champagne and rose petals scattered on the blanket. His eyes snapped back to Jensen immediately when the other man dropped down to one knee before him. Taking Jared's hand Jensen looked into the younger's eyes and began to speak.

“Jared, I know technically you already said yes, but the last time we did this wasn't particularly romantic was it? So, in light of that I'm calling do-overs – here it goes. Jared, I love you. I've loved you from the first moment I saw you and I'm going to keep on loving you until the day I die and probably even after that. Your smile takes my breath away, your laugh brightens my day. You are everything to me – the is nothing and no one in the entire world that I need more than you. I never want to be apart from you ever again, so, Jared Tristan Padalecki, will you do me the honor of becoming my husband?”

“Yes. Of course Yes – but you already knew my answer cheater.” As Jared spoke Jensen rose to his feet and pulled Jared into a tender embrace. “I love you, so much Jense.”

“I love you too”

Jensen breathed the words into Jared's hair and as he clung to the man he loved he refused to acknowledge the warning voice that was getting louder and louder inside his head.

“ _It's not over. Don't get too comfortable. It's not over.”_

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end. If you want me to continue with a third story to the verse just let me know and I'll start it as soon as I can. :)


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